Azra’s Astrology: Horoscopes for the Week!

Aquarius

(Jan 20 – Feb 18)

Your sadness is getting everyone down. Knock it off already.

Leo                        (Jun 23 – Aug 22)

People are stupid for not listening to you. You know everything Why can’t they realize that?

Pisces              (Feb 19 – Mar 20)

Things are starting to move! Hold on for the ride and take Dramamine.

Virgo                   (Aug 23 – Sep 22)

Time to rearrange the house. Throw out all of the old furniture and go into debt for new stuff.

Aries                (Mar 21 – Apr 19)

All this talk will eventually lead to action. Watch the words coming out of your mouth

Libra                     (Sep 23 – Oct 22)

The succubi infecting your dreams is almost fully manifested. A little while longer and they will be fully physical!

Taurus          (Apr 20 – May 20)

It’s time to become the activist you always wanted to be! Chat up Aries for some direction.

Scorpio                    (Oct 23 – Nov 21)

Your protective side is coming out. Woe to anyone who minorly inconveniences one of your acquaintances.

Gemini         (May 21 – Jun 20)

The demons aren’t talking to you anymore. It was definitely something you said. You should make amends.

Sagittarius            (Nov 22 – Dec 21)

Some people tend to be bossy. Don’t let them boss you around! You should be telling them what’s what.

Cancer          (Jun 21 – Jul 22)

Help the idiots that surround you today. Just this once. It’ll probably go smoother for you.

Capricorn            (Dec 22 – Jan 19)

Your dreams are super important this week. You MUST remember them! Your life depends on it!

* I wish it went without saying that this is a work of fiction. Please do not take it seriously.

Azra’s Astrology: The Houses Defined- Part 2

Where your ruling planets are at the time of your birth is very important. Their location shapes not only the way you interact with the world, but how you interact with yourself and your attitude in life. Forget Nurture vs Nature, astrology is where all of your personality stems from. Just think of how much money you’ll save on therapy when you stop blaming others for your downfalls and out the blame squarely where it belongs- on a planet far far away.

Now I know what you’re thinking. Wait a minute there, Azra. That sounds an awful lot like a sun sign. And you would be correct. Except this is totally different. The sun sign is where the zodiac constellations are when you are born. The houses are specific to the 24-hour period known as a day on earth and it depends on where the planets that correspond with the zodiac constellations are located.

But what does that really mean? Well here. I’ll explain what each of the houses mean. You will have to draw up your own birth chart to make it make sense for you. But, with this blog series, you should be able to do that, no problem!

7th House: Partnerships. This is how we do one on one with another person, be it romantic, business, or any combination of the two. It’s also all about purpose. It can’t just be because. There has to be a reason.

8th House: Sex! Really that’s about it. Oh sure, there’s other aspects of this like shared communion, hair styles, and transformation, but really, it’s all about sex.

9th House: Philosophy. This lets us know how we handle hypotheticals and philosophical questions that life inevitably throws at us. Oh yeah, this house also deals with business and in-laws.

10th House: Social Status. This is the total Mean Girls house. Always wear pink on Wednesdays.

11th House: Friendships. See houses 7 and 10. Maybe House 8.

12th House: Unconscious. This is the house of sadness and death. As well as anything else that didn’t quite fit in the other eleven houses.

Aquarius

(Jan 20 – Feb 18)

Your dreams are out to get you this week. Better not to sleep. Beware the clowns.

Leo                        (Jun 23 – Aug 22)

Demand what you want. You won’t get it any other way.

Pisces              (Feb 19 – Mar 20)

Don’t procrastinate on your to-do list today! Get it all done or you won’t like the consequences.

Virgo                   (Aug 23 – Sep 22)

You’ve lost an important object. You won’t find it today. Wait until tomorrow.

Aries                (Mar 21 – Apr 19)

Time to activate the calling tree! It’s time to celebrate! You know why. Don’t make me tell the others.

Libra                     (Sep 23 – Oct 22)

Unexpected money will find its way into your pocket. Invest it in the dark arts. That’s what the demons intend you to do with it.

Taurus          (Apr 20 – May 20)

Your social life is reviving. Accept all invitations. You need to get out of the house.

Scorpio                    (Oct 23 – Nov 21)

Today you are just not feeling it. What “it” is will be subjective, but it’s okay not to feel it.

Gemini         (May 21 – Jun 20)

It’s time to take charge! Your charisma points have increased! Time to test them out!

Sagittarius            (Nov 22 – Dec 21)

Home is not where the heart is today. Break out of your dungeon and go on an adventure!

Cancer          (Jun 21 – Jul 22)

People will dump their work on you this week. Instead of freaking out, get revenge.

Capricorn            (Dec 22 – Jan 19)

Don’t commit to anything. Keep your interactions brief and to the point. Commitment is a trap.

* I wish it went without saying that this is a work of fiction. Please do not take it seriously.

Azra’s Astrology: The Houses Defined Part 1

Where your ruling planets are at the time of your birth is very important. Their location shapes not only the way you interact with the world, but how you interact with yourself and your attitude in life. Forget Nurture vs Nature, astrology is where all of your personality stems from. Just think of how much money you’ll save on therapy when you stop blaming others for your downfalls and out the blame squarely where it belongs- on a planet far far away.

Now I know what you’re thinking. Wait a minute there, Azra. That sounds an awful lot like a sun sign. And you would be correct. Except this is totally different. The sun sign is where the zodiac constellations are when you are born. The houses are specific to the 24-hour period known as a day on earth and it depends on where the planets that correspond with the zodiac constellations are located.

But what does that really mean? Well here. I’ll explain what each of the houses mean. You will have to draw up your own birth chart to make it make sense for you. But, with this blog series, you should be able to do that, no problem!

1st House: The Ascendant or Rising Sign. This is arguably the most important because this House determines the face you show the world. This is your first impression as well as how you will interact with the world. It’s why your body is the way it is and why you are either quick to anger or if you are chill.

2nd House: Material Possessions and Value. There’s the idea that some are just born rich, that’s reinforced with astrology and what’s influencing your second house.

3rd House: Communication. This House is all about how people communicate and is linked to intelligence- as in how well we can communicate our thought process to those around us.

4th House: Family and Home. The concept of home and family are traditionally what roots us to who we are. How humans interpret home and what they do to create their home are influenced here.

5th House: Pleasure. It’s all about the love, baby. This house shapes and influences your romantic relationships and endeavors. Additionally, it’s all about creativity and finding the pleasure in everyday things. Not necessarily sex, though that does have it’s own house.

6th House: Health. This isn’t just about common or even uncommon ailments. It’s about how we take care of ourselves emotionally, physically and mentally.

Aquarius

(Jan 20 – Feb 18)

You’re being lazy. Get someone to push you off the couch. Netflix will still be there later.

Leo                        (Jun 23 – Aug 22)

Reflection is in the air today. What are your biggest regrets?

Pisces              (Feb 19 – Mar 20)

You’ve been outed as a witch! Turn the villagers into newts. It’s your only hope to survive.

Virgo                   (Aug 23 – Sep 22)

Your skills have increased! Now demand more money from the bosses. That always goes over well.

Aries                (Mar 21 – Apr 19)

Cleanliness is next to godliness. Or you’re pregnant. Either way, bust out the Clorox wipes!

Libra                     (Sep 23 – Oct 22)

It’s pilgrimage time for you! Pack up and head to Egypt. The gods demand it.

Taurus          (Apr 20 – May 20)

Money rains from the sky today! Time for a shopping spree!

Scorpio                    (Oct 23 – Nov 21)

Your precognition abilities are in full force! Go get that lottery ticket!

Gemini         (May 21 – Jun 20)

Reliving old times is fun, until you realize that your memories are broken.

Sagittarius            (Nov 22 – Dec 21)

Someone new comes into your life. Be cautious and keep an eye on him. He’s likely there to kill you.

Cancer          (Jun 21 – Jul 22)

It’s best to say inside today, trapped with the things of your past.

Capricorn            (Dec 22 – Jan 19)

Today’s challenges are almost too much to handle. Take it slow and steady and reward yourself when you get through them.

* I wish it went without saying that this is a work of fiction. Please do not take it seriously.

Azra’s Astrology: Pisces the Fish

Humans have had millennia to really think about these signs and the different correlations to them. There’s so much that even the ones I am presenting aren’t even close to everything involved with the sign in question. There’s so much more like what body parts, what tarot card, flowers, crystals, you get the idea. Use this as a jumping off point and do your own research. I am sure there’s a specific pizza associated with each of these signs too. So here we go. The twelfth and final zodiac sign is Pisces.

Fish are important to humans. Always have been. It’s really no surprise that most of their mythic imagery contains fish in one way or another. That’s why the Pisces zodiac is not surprising. They are, simply put, fish.

Not to be confused with the majestic, yet terrifying Goat Fish, Pisces tend to focus on the dreams of their victims. Yes, you read that right; victims. They are masters at hypnosis and will have any poor soul trapped in an illusion faster than they could blink. Once in that illusion, the Pisces can control what happens to the victim in this imaginary world. Why do they do all of this? Simple. It’s secrets they are after. All of your secrets. But why do they want your secrets? I dunno. It’s a mystery. You can bet they’re not up to anything good, though.

Pisces often tend to be entertainers of some kind- musicians, dancers, actors, poets, circus folk, or therapists. Anything that will allow them a chance to suck their audience into the imaginary world they create. It’s all a trap.

Dates

Feb 19- Mar 20

Ruling Planet

Jupiter & Neptune

Symbol

Fish! All of the fish.

Mythic Background

Think of any fish in any mythology or religion ever. Yep. That’s the one.

Modality

Mutable

Recognizable Traits

Intuitive dreamers, caring, sympathetic natures, if not a bit flighty.

Element

Water

Strengths

Compassionate, creative, imaginative, and Idealistic. 

Colors

Purple & White

Weaknesses

Sensitive, unreliable, not rooted in

House

Twelfth

Mantra

I Believe

Aquarius

(Jan 20 – Feb 18)

A mysterious disease crops up around noon today. Was it the fish? Or is it stage 12 necrosis? WebMD to the rescue?

Leo                        (Jun 23 – Aug 22)

Today’s a great day to fight someone. Who knows? They might just have it coming.

Pisces              (Feb 19 – Mar 20)

Lying is an important part of being an adult. Today, lie your tuckus off. It just may save you from something terrible.

Virgo                   (Aug 23 – Sep 22)

So you want to save the world? That’s nice. Check into the insurance that would require first.

Aries                (Mar 21 – Apr 19)

They’re all going to laugh at you whether you intend them to or not.

Libra                     (Sep 23 – Oct 22)

Stop wandering through life or you’ll get lost and miss supper. At least get a GPS.

Taurus          (Apr 20 – May 20)

You can’t help it if people can’t live up to your high standards. That’s their problem, not yours.

Scorpio                    (Oct 23 – Nov 21)

Someone needs to talk to you. Be wary because it’s life or death and there’s a 50/50 chance you could die from this interaction.

Gemini         (May 21 – Jun 20)

You’re not safe. Not here, not now. Watch for the daffodils. They know.

Sagittarius            (Nov 22 – Dec 21)

You are being deceived by your friend. That glint in their eye? Betrayal.

Cancer          (Jun 21 – Jul 22)

Your friends are starting shit. What are you gonna do about it?

Capricorn            (Dec 22 – Jan 19)

It’s all about traditions! If they can’t respect that, then they are no use to you or your grand schemes.

* I wish it went without saying that this is a work of fiction. Please do not take it seriously.

Azra’s Astrology: Capricorn the Goat Fish?

Humans have had millennia to really think about these signs and the different correlations to them. There’s so much that even the ones I am presenting aren’t even close to everything involved with the sign in question. There’s so much more like what body parts, what tarot card, flowers, crystals, you get the idea. Use this as a jumping off point and do your own research. I am sure there’s a specific pizza associated with each of these signs too. So here we go. The tenth zodiac sign is Capricorn.

Goat-fish or sea-goats are a real thing. Or at least they were. Like the centaurs, these creatures were created in antiquity and then eventually were discovered to be hellish abominations. Unlike the centaurs, the goat-fishes wanted dominion over the land and sea. They attacked many human settlements and fishing ships, waging one of the first inter-species wars. Because of their irascibility, humans learned to kill them on sight or avoid them at all costs. The sea-goats eventually made their way to the wilderness and would only attack if some human came too close to their nest. They say there are few sea-goats left in the world, but the ones who hang on still have a burning desire for world domination.

People born under the sign of Capricorn tend to be stubborn and selfish, like their symbol, the sea-goats. They may or may not be planning to take over the world, so if you meet one, use extreme caution. It’s still uncertain if the Capricorns are affiliated with the actual remaining sea-goats, so be on the look out for strange goat-fish related paraphernalia when you hang out at your Capricorn friends’ house. Report your findings to the FBI or some other government agency. Above all else, don’t let a Capricorn know what you are doing. They will take you out without a second thought.

Dates

Dec 21- Jan 20

Ruling Planet

Saturn

Symbol

Goat-fish/ Sea-goat

Mythic Background

Babylonian God Ea and the goat that nursed baby Zeus, Amalthea

Modality

Cardinal

Recognizable Traits

Disciplined energy, resourceful, consistent, reliable, and take things pretty seriously

Element

Earth

Strengths

Perseverance, longevity, and discernment

Colors

Brown & Khaki

Weaknesses

Stubborn, relentless, and rigid in their beliefs

House

Tenth

Mantra

I Use

Aquarius

(Jan 20 – Feb 18)

Pick up that Scam Likely call because the universe is trying to get ahold of you. Don’t send the universe to voice mail. It’s rude. 

Leo                        (Jun 23 – Aug 22)

Avoid anything that has to do with money today. Don’t buy anything, don’t pick up pennies, don’t accept money either. It’ll be bad if you do.

Pisces              (Feb 19 – Mar 20)

Change is coming. Use the natural energy in your life to catapult yourself straight into it. You’ll only regret it a little bit.

Virgo                   (Aug 23 – Sep 22)

People are complicated and hyper-criticism won’t help matters. Like it or not, you need people to further your nefarious plans.

Aries                (Mar 21 – Apr 19)

New things are tempting you with their shiny-ness. Succumb to the shiny- it could bring much excitement and change.

Libra                     (Sep 23 – Oct 22)

Stop everything you are doing! Drop that coffee! Chuck that bagel to the side- the love of your life is coming today!

Taurus          (Apr 20 – May 20)

You can’t do this alone. It’s time to ask for [proverbial] help with burying the body.

Scorpio                    (Oct 23 – Nov 21)

A god is hunting you. Beware of the lightning as it could be your undoing.

Gemini         (May 21 – Jun 20)

It’s time to come clean before you are found out. If you control the narrative, it will make your accusers think twice.

Sagittarius            (Nov 22 – Dec 21)

If you chose the right weapons, you’ll be ready for whatever mortal problem comes your way.

Cancer          (Jun 21 – Jul 22)

You’ve developed X-Ray vision! How will you use this new superpower? Inquiring minds want to know!

Capricorn            (Dec 22 – Jan 19)

Wow, you really pulled it off! Good job! You deserve to bask in the accolades. And cake.

* I wish it went without saying that this is a work of fiction. Please do not take it seriously.

Thank you so much for reading Azra’s blog! I wanted to let you know that Five Smiling Fish has a new book coming out! Fable of the Immortals by Megan Vaughn. You can check it out by clicking the button below.

Azra’s Astrology: Sagittarius the Centaur/Archer

Humans have had millennia to really think about these signs and the different correlations to them. There’s so much that even the ones I am presenting aren’t even close to everything involved with the sign in question. There’s so much more like what body parts, what tarot card, flowers, crystals, you get the idea. Use this as a jumping off point and do your own research. I am sure there’s a specific pizza associated with each of these signs too. So here we go. The ninth zodiac sign is Sagittarius.

A long long time ago, in the Greek islands there was a legend about a half man/half horse creature known as a centaur. They were bred specifically for speed racing, but then led an insurrection against their makers to pursue knowledge and medicine. Centaurs became renown for their wisdom instead of their racing stripes. They often took in several orphaned Greek children to raise, often pitying them for their lack of limbs. One of the most famous of which was the warrior Achilles. Achilles’ centaurian mentor was Chiron. This is where we get the sign of Sagittarius, the archer.

Now, you might be thinking “hey. I know plenty of Sagittarius people. None of them are half horse.” Well that is technically true now. However, back then, everyone who was born under this sign was indeed part horse (this was due to their stringent breeding program). Soon, though, the humans began to distrust the centaurs. They knew too much and they were instilling unsavory ideas in the children that they brought up. Thing

s like a sense of justice and equality that would usurp the power of the government at that time. There was a great war and an extermination took place in the ancient world. The details are lost to history, but I assure you, it was incredibly gruesome.

All that are left of the centaurs is this Sagittarius sign, which represents a curious species whose thirst for knowledge and acceptance was ultimately their downfall.

Dates

Nov 22 – Dec 21

Ruling Planet

Jupiter

Symbol

The Centaur/Archer

Mythic Background

Chiron- the centaur in Greek mythology who raised Achilles.

Modality

Mutable

Recognizable Traits

Energetic, quick, seeker of knowledge, uncanny ability to canter and do jumps.

Element

Fire

Strengths

Speed, resilience, curious nature, optimism, thirst for adventure

Colors

Maroon and Navy

Weaknesses

Too many limbs, trusting, passionate about their opinions, and brutal honesty

House

Ninth

Mantra

I See

Aquarius

(Jan 20 – Feb 18)

Dark family secrets are coming out left and right today. Time for a lot of PR work.

Leo                        (Jun 23 – Aug 22)

It’s time to put yourself out there and meet new people. But don’t give them money. That would be suspicious.

Pisces              (Feb 19 – Mar 20)

No really, you need to get work done today. No more distractions. For real this time.

Virgo                   (Aug 23 – Sep 22)

Everything will change today, so you might as well be the instigator. Make new ways of living the norm and embrace the uproar.

Aries                (Mar 21 – Apr 19)

Nostalgia is everywhere! Be cautious that it doesn’t pull you backwards.

Libra                     (Sep 23 – Oct 22)

Too many obligations block your path to your dream come true scenario. Deal with them harshly.

Taurus          (Apr 20 – May 20)

It’s hard to run with a rock in your shoe. What you do about it will define who you are for the rest of your life. Don’t trust the Gemini.

Scorpio                    (Oct 23 – Nov 21)

Expect to lose something precious today. It will only be found when it wants to be.

Gemini         (May 21 – Jun 20)

Remember that fight about Bigfoot you had with that Leo the other week? Time for revenge.

Sagittarius            (Nov 22 – Dec 21)

You have to decide your future right now. You cannot hesitate. What you choose now will be set in stone forever. Also you will get roses from a secret admirer.

Cancer          (Jun 21 – Jul 22)

People just don’t get what you’re trying to do. Be patient and breathe and explain it all again slowly and with pictures.

Capricorn            (Dec 22 – Jan 19)

It’s time to get serious about your New Years Resolutions. What were they again? You wrote them down before… but where are they now?

* I wish it went without saying that this is a work of fiction. Please do not take it seriously.

Thank you so much for reading Azra’s blog! I wanted to let you know that Five Smiling Fish has a new book coming out! Fable of the Immortals by Megan Vaughn. You can check it out by clicking the button below.