Azra’s Astrology: Horoscopes for the Week!

Aquarius

(Jan 20 – Feb 18)

Your sadness is getting everyone down. Knock it off already.

Leo                        (Jun 23 – Aug 22)

People are stupid for not listening to you. You know everything Why can’t they realize that?

Pisces              (Feb 19 – Mar 20)

Things are starting to move! Hold on for the ride and take Dramamine.

Virgo                   (Aug 23 – Sep 22)

Time to rearrange the house. Throw out all of the old furniture and go into debt for new stuff.

Aries                (Mar 21 – Apr 19)

All this talk will eventually lead to action. Watch the words coming out of your mouth

Libra                     (Sep 23 – Oct 22)

The succubi infecting your dreams is almost fully manifested. A little while longer and they will be fully physical!

Taurus          (Apr 20 – May 20)

It’s time to become the activist you always wanted to be! Chat up Aries for some direction.

Scorpio                    (Oct 23 – Nov 21)

Your protective side is coming out. Woe to anyone who minorly inconveniences one of your acquaintances.

Gemini         (May 21 – Jun 20)

The demons aren’t talking to you anymore. It was definitely something you said. You should make amends.

Sagittarius            (Nov 22 – Dec 21)

Some people tend to be bossy. Don’t let them boss you around! You should be telling them what’s what.

Cancer          (Jun 21 – Jul 22)

Help the idiots that surround you today. Just this once. It’ll probably go smoother for you.

Capricorn            (Dec 22 – Jan 19)

Your dreams are super important this week. You MUST remember them! Your life depends on it!

* I wish it went without saying that this is a work of fiction. Please do not take it seriously.

Azra’s Astrology: The Houses

Ok, so on the astrological chart there’s a circle that represents the sky. That circle is then divided into twelve sections that are called houses, similar to how the zodiac signs are arranged in the night sky. There are multiple ways to do this that boil down to dividing it into either time or space. Honestly, as long as they came out with twelve, it doesn’t make the slightest difference. Just make sure to commit to one or the other or your math will be off.

What do these divisions have to do with anything? Well, each of the sections influences certain aspects of life. For example, the sixth house represents health. Depending on which celestial bodies are in that house during an event (like say, a birth), it could mean disastrous health implications or it will signify good health. All of the houses are different and will have very different effects, so it’s important to keep them all straight.

Houses are also subject to modalities and triplicities. Essentially each of the houses can emphasize Angular (initiation or action) which relates to cardinal signs like water, fire, air, etc. Succedent (security or stabilization) relating to fixed or Cadent (change or learning) and related to mutable signs.  When a planet or zodiac sign is in that house, then it adds a layer of one of the modalities. If you can’t tell, NOTHING is as it seems.

Adding another layer of complication, consider the triplicities. This is essentially taking the four classical elements (fire, earth, air, and water) and adding their influences into specific houses. An example of this is how Gemini are flighty because they are an air sign and there’s not much to them.

To link all of this to the zodiac signs and planets, each house is also “ruled” by one of each. Example, the third house is one of sharing and impacts communications. The sign associated with that house is Gemini and the planet associated with Gemini is Mercury. Therefore, the planet associated with the third house is Mercury and where issues in communication will likely arise.

The celestial cross referencing in this science is incredible. =It astounds me how complicated humans make things! Trust me when I say we Grigori only told them: “when that particular star constellation is in the eastern sky, that’s when you should plant your wheat”.

Aquarius

(Jan 20 – Feb 18)

You have opinions and you deserve to share them! Don’t forget that your words can change the world.

Leo                        (Jun 23 – Aug 22)

You are disorganized as all get out. If you want to make something of yourself you need a system.

Pisces              (Feb 19 – Mar 20)

Old traumas are coming to visit along with Aunt Ethel. You can face them head on or… who are we kidding? You’re going to repress them again.

Virgo                   (Aug 23 – Sep 22)

You will discover that you are psychic today. Sure it’s not the best super power, but hey, it’s something! Play with your new powers and the revelations they bring!

Aries                (Mar 21 – Apr 19)

You have a good vantage point to sit back and laugh at the day. Take it in and enjoy it while you can.

Libra                     (Sep 23 – Oct 22)

Pay attention to your dreams. They are trying to tell you something important. Every symbol matters.

Taurus          (Apr 20 – May 20)

Feeling emotional? That’s okay, stuff it deep down inside and ignore it. That always works.

Scorpio                    (Oct 23 – Nov 21)

Listen to your guts. Do you hear them? What are they telling you? Yes. Do that.

Gemini         (May 21 – Jun 20)

Reality is threatening you again. Show it who’s boss.

Sagittarius            (Nov 22 – Dec 21)

It’s a great day to make a speech! Rush to the most crowded spot and start talking. Remember to project.

Cancer          (Jun 21 – Jul 22)

A blast from the past breezes back into your life. He’s become a time traveler.

Capricorn            (Dec 22 – Jan 19)

Past mistakes are coming to bite you today. Told you.

* I wish it went without saying that this is a work of fiction. Please do not take it seriously.

Azra’s Astrology: Pisces the Fish

Humans have had millennia to really think about these signs and the different correlations to them. There’s so much that even the ones I am presenting aren’t even close to everything involved with the sign in question. There’s so much more like what body parts, what tarot card, flowers, crystals, you get the idea. Use this as a jumping off point and do your own research. I am sure there’s a specific pizza associated with each of these signs too. So here we go. The twelfth and final zodiac sign is Pisces.

Fish are important to humans. Always have been. It’s really no surprise that most of their mythic imagery contains fish in one way or another. That’s why the Pisces zodiac is not surprising. They are, simply put, fish.

Not to be confused with the majestic, yet terrifying Goat Fish, Pisces tend to focus on the dreams of their victims. Yes, you read that right; victims. They are masters at hypnosis and will have any poor soul trapped in an illusion faster than they could blink. Once in that illusion, the Pisces can control what happens to the victim in this imaginary world. Why do they do all of this? Simple. It’s secrets they are after. All of your secrets. But why do they want your secrets? I dunno. It’s a mystery. You can bet they’re not up to anything good, though.

Pisces often tend to be entertainers of some kind- musicians, dancers, actors, poets, circus folk, or therapists. Anything that will allow them a chance to suck their audience into the imaginary world they create. It’s all a trap.

Dates

Feb 19- Mar 20

Ruling Planet

Jupiter & Neptune

Symbol

Fish! All of the fish.

Mythic Background

Think of any fish in any mythology or religion ever. Yep. That’s the one.

Modality

Mutable

Recognizable Traits

Intuitive dreamers, caring, sympathetic natures, if not a bit flighty.

Element

Water

Strengths

Compassionate, creative, imaginative, and Idealistic. 

Colors

Purple & White

Weaknesses

Sensitive, unreliable, not rooted in

House

Twelfth

Mantra

I Believe

Aquarius

(Jan 20 – Feb 18)

A mysterious disease crops up around noon today. Was it the fish? Or is it stage 12 necrosis? WebMD to the rescue?

Leo                        (Jun 23 – Aug 22)

Today’s a great day to fight someone. Who knows? They might just have it coming.

Pisces              (Feb 19 – Mar 20)

Lying is an important part of being an adult. Today, lie your tuckus off. It just may save you from something terrible.

Virgo                   (Aug 23 – Sep 22)

So you want to save the world? That’s nice. Check into the insurance that would require first.

Aries                (Mar 21 – Apr 19)

They’re all going to laugh at you whether you intend them to or not.

Libra                     (Sep 23 – Oct 22)

Stop wandering through life or you’ll get lost and miss supper. At least get a GPS.

Taurus          (Apr 20 – May 20)

You can’t help it if people can’t live up to your high standards. That’s their problem, not yours.

Scorpio                    (Oct 23 – Nov 21)

Someone needs to talk to you. Be wary because it’s life or death and there’s a 50/50 chance you could die from this interaction.

Gemini         (May 21 – Jun 20)

You’re not safe. Not here, not now. Watch for the daffodils. They know.

Sagittarius            (Nov 22 – Dec 21)

You are being deceived by your friend. That glint in their eye? Betrayal.

Cancer          (Jun 21 – Jul 22)

Your friends are starting shit. What are you gonna do about it?

Capricorn            (Dec 22 – Jan 19)

It’s all about traditions! If they can’t respect that, then they are no use to you or your grand schemes.

* I wish it went without saying that this is a work of fiction. Please do not take it seriously.

Azra’s Astrology: Aquarius the Water Bearer

Humans have had millennia to really think about these signs and the different correlations to them. There’s so much that even the ones I am presenting aren’t even close to everything involved with the sign in question. There’s so much more like what body parts, what tarot card, flowers, crystals, you get the idea. Use this as a jumping off point and do your own research. I am sure there’s a specific pizza associated with each of these signs too. So here we go. The eleventh zodiac sign is Aquarius.

Aquarius is arguably the most popular of the zodiac signs. Its’ also one of the oldest in human reckoning. The Babylonians identified the constellation of Aquarius as Ea, a water god who loved carting around giant jugs of water. You know, in case he got thirsty. By the time the Greeks made it onto the scene, the god Ea was transformed into Ganymede- literally the cupbearer to Zeus and his cronies on Mt. Olympus.

Aquarians are supposed to save the world. From what, even they aren’t sure. Still, it’s that pressing need to save something that drives most people under this sign to becoming social justice warriors. They will bounce from topic to topic hoping to find something that will actually work to fill that need to save, well, anything.

Besides being active crusaders, these people love puzzles and riddles. The Labyrinth on Crete? Totally an Aquarian architect. The Sphinx? Based off a really annoying Aquarian and his cat. The vile creature that created Soduko? Totally Aquarian.

One last word about dealing with this sign- they always want more cups, mugs, water bottles, etc. They LOVE them and can’t get enough.  If you need to appease them, get one of these things. They will forget they were even mad in the first place. But remember- the container must be empty. They can fill their own cups.

Dates

Jan 21-Feb 18

Ruling Planet

Saturn & Uranus

Symbol

Water Bearer

Mythic Background

Babylonian water god Ea to Ganymede, the Greek cupbearer to Zeus.

Modality

Fixed

Recognizable Traits

Social, intelligent, energetic, often seen as odd or wacky. They are ahead of their time.

Element

Air

Strengths

Clever and innovative, rational and a good judge of character

Colors

Silver & Blue

Weaknesses

Overthinker, cold, and unfeeling. They can get stuck in their head.

House

Seventh

Mantra

I Know

Aquarius

(Jan 20 – Feb 18)

You can only keep the crown if you keep the others supporting the crown happy. You will either gain respect or you’ll lose your head.

Leo                        (Jun 23 – Aug 22)

No one understands what you’re trying to say. Use a different form of communication like pantomime.

Pisces              (Feb 19 – Mar 20)

Luck is on your side today. Make sure you use it to your advantage! Hit up the casino! Bet on that horse! You only have your livelihood to lose.

Virgo                   (Aug 23 – Sep 22)

You’re gonna erupt like a volcano. Woe to those who cannot get out of your path of destruction.

Aries                (Mar 21 – Apr 19)

You are desperate to express yourself. It’s time to pursue the arts like they owe you money.

Libra                     (Sep 23 – Oct 22)

You need fiber. Like badly. Get on that.

Taurus          (Apr 20 – May 20)

Time to discover your roots and if baldness runs in your family. Check out genealogy.com

Scorpio                    (Oct 23 – Nov 21)

You are dead last in this race you’ve started. It’s okay. Keep going and soon all of the traps you’ve laid will be set off by the other fools.

Gemini         (May 21 – Jun 20)

Communication is vital today. Good thing you’re you! Chat it up and find out where it takes you.

Sagittarius            (Nov 22 – Dec 21)

Let the good times roll and keep rolling! Why do they have to end?

Cancer          (Jun 21 – Jul 22)

You need to deal with the practical side of your wildest fantasy. That under the sea mermaid brothel isn’t going to do its own taxes.

Capricorn            (Dec 22 – Jan 19)

People are going to bug you for advice today. It’s up to you if you want to give it or not. Though they may egg your house if you don’t.

* I wish it went without saying that this is a work of fiction. Please do not take it seriously.