Smart Blonde & Fly-Away, Baby: Movies about Writing

These are the first two pair of mystery/adventure films about Torchy Blane (Glenda Farrell), a fast talking lady reporter who is always tagging after her police detective boyfriend, Steve McBride (Barton MacLane) in search of a story. There is a third side character in every film, a cop named Gahagan (Tom Kennedy) who sometimes gets a B plot.

Generally, the stories start with McBride (who Torchy calls Skipper) being annoyed that she’s there. They face various shenanigans, then pause to eat because McBride understands you should never let a woman get hangry. Even though McBride whines that he wants Torchy to be “more of a woman” and to “go write a story about cooking”, each film ends with him relying on her to help him solve the case. This is always followed by the start of another adventure holding up their plans to get married once again. It’s a formula that works so well that it inspired Lois Lane in the Superman comics.

In Smart Blonde, the first film in the series, Torchy doesn’t do a lot writing, mostly a lot of calling to her paper. A businessman is murdered after buying a nightclub which the original owner was reluctant to sell. Since she and McBride have different theories about “who done it”, they follow different investigative routes. That doesn’t stop McBride from double checking Torchy’s suspicions and constantly checking in her with her. Despite all of the banter, they save the day and save alife.

The second film, Fly-Away, Baby (made in the same year, 1937), show more of Torchy’s career as a newswoman. Hey, a Zeppelin! Torchy joins a race around the world, comparing herself to Nellie Bly, saying she wants her newspaper to win. After a murder involving a diamond heist, McBride is convinced the killer was a former jailbird. Meanwhile, Torchy is convinced that murderer is a spoiled nepo baby reporter from a competing paper. She joins in order to get the scoop and prove he’s a killer. In this film, she does more to keep track of clues and make notes that she can use for her articles later.

I won’t give away the endings. Each film is only an hour long. I’ll let you watch them for yourself.

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The Loved One: Movies about Writing

Holy stacked cast, Batman! It’s like every character actor of the 60s got invited to a really boring party that someone forgot to tell them was being filmed.

You would think a dark Comedy about an English poet dealing with the funeral industry would be right up my alley. However, Despite a few jokes that land really well, this movie is rather boring.

Robert Morse can’t keep his English accent as he plays Dennis, a poet who comes to Los Angeles on a whim and stays with his uncle, Sir Francis (John Gielgud). His vacation is put on hold when his uncle commits suicide after being fired from a Hollywood studio. The rest of the movie is about how Dennis is dealing with the cult-like funeral home and cemetery where his uncle wishes to be buried. Dennis starts working at the funeral home’s side gig pet cemetery and hoping to get closer to one of the employees, Aimee (Anjanette Comer). Jonathan Winters plays double duty as the Reverend running the funeral home and his less spiritual twin brother. Also, in the cast are Rod Steiger, Dana Andrews, Milton Berle, James Coburn, Tab Hunter, Roddy McDowall, Barbara Nichols, Robert Morley, and baby Paul Williams.

I’m not going to go into the plot, which I understand is loosely based on an Evelyn Waughn book. Dennis’s writing career is really more of a joke in the movie than anything else. He constructs a eulogy for his uncle that the Reverend reads out loud and is really more about the decay of the body than the loss of a soul. He quotes other poets more than he does his own writing. Aimee says that Dennis is very creative and thinks being a poet must be “wonderful”. “It would be marvelous to work as a poet,” she declares, referring to her job as a make-up artist to the dead. He tries to use his poetry in order to get into her pants. He suggests that they marry and she can support him while he writes. For some reason, this proposal does not win her over.

Lovers Courageous: Movies about Writing

How are Lovers Courageous? I/m not really sure. Maybe it just seemed like a good title? The pair of lovers do have good chemistry. Willie Smith (Robert Montgomery) is a struggling playwright who can’t hold down a regular job. He moves from country to country, collecting life experiences and writing home to his long- suffering parents. Meanwhile, Mary (Madge Evans) is a bored and flirtatious admiral’s daughter who hates living in “boring” South Africa. I would also hate living in South Africa, but my reasons would have to do with township districts and racism. To each their own, I guess. The pair accidentally fall in love after Mary goes to buy a box of Lucky Charms cigarettes for her friend Jeffrey (Roland Young) from the shop Willie works in. That’s right! She was after his Lucky Charms. For a pre-code film, this could’ve had more innuendo, but at least it had a lot about writing within the plot.

The movie’s sappy plot is mostly about how Mary’s family under her father’s (Frederick Kerr) instruction tries to keep them apart. This is partially because of Willie’s social status and partly because Mary is engaged to super British and super rich Jimmy (Reginald Owen). Jimmy calls her “old girl” and is obsessed with hunting. Jeffrey points out that married to Jimmy, Mary could still be rich and probably get away with as many affairs as she wanted. Willie agrees with the admiral, trying to make her understand that if she marries him, Marry could end up resenting him for never being able to give her a wealthy standard of living. Despite all this, Mary runs off with Willie, convincing him that they will be happy. Naturally, since this is a melodrama, their life is hard and he struggles to become successful. Boy gets girl. Spoiler alert: Boy loses girl. Boy gets girl back after having great success with his first play.

The character of Willie goes back and forth between being a charming goof and an intense realist. Willie grew up as a “good-for-nothing” in his father’s eyes, always skipping school and refusing to work in a post office when he grows up. Secretly, his father is proud that he never gives up and defends the wayward son to his other children. Willie’s mother always believes in him, understanding that his mind works differently and that sometimes creative types don’t fit into social norms. Mary is instantly interested in Willie’s desire to be a playwright, and later his desire for her. See! Innuendo! It’s super easy to throw out there and in a few years it wouldn’t be allowed. You missed a golden opportunity, screenwriters of the 30s!

Anyway, back to Mary’s support for Willie’s writing. Mary reads his play when they first become friends, telling him not to be nervous about his ideas. She helps him rewrite the love scenes (insert eyebrow wiggle here) and promises to go to his first opening night no matter where she is in the world at the time. He warns her that he might not ever sell his play, yet she still promises. After they are married, she keeps pawning everything she owns, hoping that if he’s not working as much he will finally finish and sell the play. SPOILER ALERT: He gives her up when he can’t get a steady job or sell the play. During the time they are apart, his play is being produced and he doesn’t know that she’s dying of an unnamed illness (I suppose we’re to assume it’s broken heart). When she isn’t at opening night, he he goes to her. Now that he’s got some money, they get back together like she didn’t just almost die.

Behind the Headlines: Movies about Writing

This one will be short and I’m not going to summarize the entire plot. Despite this being a pre-code film that’s only an hour long, there’s a lot of convoluted plot.

This a movie about competitiveness in writing circles. The U.S. government announces the opening of Fort Knox and how it will keep the nation’s economy protected (yes, Fort Knox was built in the 1930s). Eddie Haines (Lee Tracy) is a radio reporter who always out-scoops everyone because he has a radio set up in his coat to report instantly. His ex-girlfriend Mary Bradley (Diana Gibson) works for a newspaper and purposely listens in on his broadcast (after accidentally getting him fired). She’s so determined to out-scoop Eddie, Mary follows the same lead as him while he’s trying to prove to the radio that they should re-hire him. She ends up kidnapped by gangsters led by a corrupt federal agent planning on robbing a gold shipment to Fort Knox. Eddie is blamed for her disappearance, but she leaves clues that only he knows how to follow. As both Eddie and Mary foil the bad guys in different ways, he realizes that he, of course, still loves her. In the end, he lets her have the story and she says on the radio, “If you want a complete account of what happened, read my New York Star international service story in your local newspaper.”

On the one hand, I understand how reporters like to give the news as soon as possible. However, there are different skills involved in writing a story versus talking through a story while it’s happening. Despite Eddie giving a speech about how the two mediums should not be in competition, they are. It’s just like now, there is a difference between click-bait and legit news however they are in competition for views online.

Top Secret Affair: Movies about Writing

A lady publishing mogul in 1957! How shocking! Well, this is a comedy so I guess it was okay.

Susan Hayward is playing Dottie Peale, a magazine owner and editor who is angry that a family friend was passed over for a position in favor of Major General Melville Goodwin (Kirk Douglas). She and her team invite Mel to her home for an in-depth interview. In truth, she plans to use her journalism skills to dig up dirt about the general and publish a scathing expose complete with photographs. Mel is wise to her from the get-go, yet Dottie still gets him into some silly situations.

Despite Mel’s derogatory remarks (he compares women to poodles at one point), they fall in love. However, Mel is instantly ready to break it off just as Dottie is ready to give him a good article. She instead goes back to her scandal cover story and includes a top secret story that Mel told her in confidence. Mel changes his mind, wanting to marry Dottie, however, the magazine is about to run. This scandal ends up angering their readership and Dottie’s team tells her to apologize to Mel in the magazine. Oh, and there’s a Senate hearing over her printing classified stories.

At first, I thought his was going to be a story about how a woman journalist went to far because she was a woman. I kept waiting for more sexist remarks about how a woman shouldn’t run a magazine because she’s too emotional. Still, it’s pointed out that Dottie making rash decision and refusing to apologizing for her mistakes is not a “female issue”. Instead, it is established that she comes from a long line of family members with the same traits who all ran the magazine before her. The movie also brings up questions of interview ethics. Apparently, the words “off the record” didn’t exist yet. I agree that Dottie should have given up her place as publisher for not showing good judgement as a writer and journalist.

Come Live with Me: Movies about Writing

Let’s look at some scandalous behavior - 1941 style.

Johnny Jones (Heddy Lamarr) is an immigrant escaping Nazi occupied Austria. Barton Kendrick (Ian Hunter), her publisher boyfriend, is desperate to keep her in America, however he’s already married (gasp). By the way, how did this woman escape from Vienna DURING World War II. The real Heddy Lamarr got out before the war broke out. Johnny meets a broke writer, Bill Smith (Jimmy Stewart) and pays him to marry her so she can stay in the country. The exact amount is the bare minimum of his living and typewriter expenses and Bill plans on paying her back when the whole thing is over.

The arrangement is that once a week they meet up for her to pay him and he knows nothing else about her. Bill is instantly intrigued by their situation and starts typing it into a novel. Bill sends a carbon copy to every publisher in the city in a scene of him with pushing large packages into a mailbox. It looked exhausting.

Bart learns about this situation when his wife, Diana (Verree Teasdale - how’s that for a name) reviews Bill’s book for the publishing company. She gives him the summary, explaining how implausible it is and still needs an ending. Still, she’s confident that Bill’s writing is so strong that the book will sell.

Bart recognized the scenario and calls in Bill asking him where he got the idea of the story and why the character of the “other man” (who is Bart in reality) is not as well written. Bill states that the character is giving him a lot of trouble and hopes to write him out by the end of the novel. Bart debates the ending with Bill in front of Diana and gives away his affair. Diana also forces Bart to give Bill an $500 advance on his book. $500! Holy crap! Diana, I know you are realizing that you want Bill to get the girl so your husband doesn’t, but I still salute you.

Bart’s wife is really a key in his publishing business as she has more insight into public trends and what would ruin him. That having been said, he still cheats on her and is under the delusion that he’s successful on his own. Bill on the other hand has gifted kid syndrome. He’d been told he was a genius and feels like he has nothing to show for it. When he's working out the novel, he outlines each chapter with the questions he’d like to ask Johnny about her life. Realistically, Bill is working in his pajamas. I am currently doing the same. Respect, Bill. Respect.

My favorite scene is when the milkman asks Bill how the book is going. He told his wife the plot and she’s excited to read it, stating it will only be really good if the couple end up together. Bill admits that his characters aren’t together.

“What’s keepin em?” the milkman demands.

“The girl.” Bill states this after writing all night.

“Well, you’re never going to get no place if you let her act like that!”

SPOILERS

Bill refuses to to divorce Johnny unless she comes on a trip with him. He uses the $500 advancement to take her to meet his grandmother and see where he grew up. She calls Bart to complain about being coerced into the trip so he can come rescue her. Of course, by the time Bart shows up, Johnny is having a good time and falling for her husband. Bill tells her that writing about her is why he’s successful now because he needed to write about his real feelings. Naturally, Bart shows up just as Johnny decides she wants to stay married to Bill. There a brief moment where Bill worries that his new writing success is not based on his own merit, but Bart admits that Diane said it was good and he always trusts her. It’s a good thing he goes back to his wife at the end or he wouldn’t have a publishing house any longer.

Somewhere in Time: Movies about Writing

My mom loves this movie, especially the soundtrack. Richard Matheson wrote the book this is based upon where the main character is also named Richard. This Richard is a playwright portrayed by Christopher Reeve who falls in love withe a 1912 photograph of actress Elise McKenna (Jane Seymour) while staying in a historic seaside hotel. Through this obsession, Richard manages to time travel and meet Elise, causing her to fall for him as well. Matheson based the idea on his youthful obsession with a photograph of Maude Adams, who he researched and based Elise upon (although I’m fairly certain that the real Maude Adams was gay).

The movie opens with Richard as a college student who is presented with a pocket watch from a mysterious elderly lady who pleads with him to “come back to her” at his first successful play. Years later, while going through a writing block on his latest work, Richard goes to a hotel as a way to jump start his brain and sees the photograph, discovering that Elise was who gave him the watch almost a decade earlier. He gets personal information from Elise’s biographer Ms. Roberts (Teresa Wright), discovering that after a final performance in 1912, Elise completely shut herself off from the rest of the world.

Richard manages to hypnotize himself back in time to meet Elise and her obsessive (this story has a lot of obsessive men) manager William Fawcett Robinson (Christopher Plummer). The somewhat psychic Robinson believes that Elise has a destiny on the stage and objects to the budding romance between the pair. Jane Seymour does a fantastic job as a comedic actress of the time and Plummer is creep in his high back chair sitting in the wings. I do like a scene where Richard watches the 1912 cast being criticized by their playwright, showing that nothing ever changes.

SPOILER ALERT: The couple are very happy for a time, making plans to marry and run away from Robinson. The manager tries to separate them and make Elise think Richard doesn’t love her. However, she is steadfast and leaves Robinson to find Richard. Just as their lives look to be content full of future plans, Richard comes across a 1970s coin in his pocket which breaks the hypnotism and sends him back to his own time.

Long story short - Richard never finishes his play. He throw away a successful career to SPOILER ALERT (again) slowly dies of a broken heart. Don’t get me wrong, this is a great movies but . . . In my opinion, I get that they are supposed to be a great love story, but he sort of ruined both of their lives. She spent the rest of her life pining for him and he died young pining for her. I supposed they meet again in the What Dreams May Come afterlife.

Written in the Stars: Movies about Writing

Why? Why did I watch this?

This is a Hallmark rip-off I found on the Roku Channel and decided to torture myself with. It does open with the lamentations of a struggling writer. Kelsey (Kimberly Crossman) is tired of just editing other people’s work at the magazine that pays her to do so. Finally, she convinces her boss to let her research and write about an upcoming meteor shower from the point of view of both those who believe in horoscopes and who can convince her to believe in fate. This pairs her with Carter (David de Lautour) and his super cute dog that she doesn’t even pet upon first meeting! The dog isn’t even in as much of this as he could be! She should’ve given him scritches! She does get to pet him later, but why don’t these screenwriters ever realize that the dog is the selling point for some of these movies. Oh what? I’m supposed to be invested in the romance? Do you not realize just how cute that dog is?

Kelsey’s best friend/co-worker Molly (JJ Bowman) go to a bed and breakfast near the meteor shower festival and, wouldn’t you know it, the place is run by Carter’s parents. His parents are great hosts. They give their guests cookies upon arrival. However, Carter is not keen on giving an interview. Kelsey is so determined to get the story, she starts stalking the poor guy. It turns out he doesn’t trust reporters due to a past butcher job article written about him and his brother’s astrology app in its start-up days. Oh and the reporter was his girlfriend at the time. He only agrees to help Kelsey because she gives him her sob story about wanting to be reporter and this is her first chance.

I don’t feel like I’m spoiling the movie if I tell you that this is a girl meets boys, girl loses boy (for eight minutes and fifteen seconds - I timed it), girl wins boy back story. There is an underlining plot about ethics in journalism and being upfront with your subject from the start. I’m just kidding. It doesn’t get that deep. Her boss just keeps telling her to make the article about disproving astrology and she is worried about hurting Carter. Realistically, she does have trouble writing the article and stays up late each night trying to get to 600 words. Naturally, Molly has been telling her repeatedly what a good writer she is, but Kelsey is more in awe of when Carter lists what makes her a good writer. You couldn’t believe your friend who is also a writer! You could only believe the hot due? Fine. She also gets praise from her boss when she turns in an article different from what he wanted. She is officially successful with opportunities to write more.

Some odd things I noticed in this film:

1. Kelsey’s last name is Graham. She’s Kelsey Graham, not Grammer, but come on!

2. There’s a sundial set up on a table. How will it give the proper time if people are sitting around it creating shadows.

3. This woman wears a lot of blazers. Blazer equals serious writer.

4. “The stars always include pizza”. The stars are bad for your health.

5. Carter has a super nice car that he’s trying to fix up. How did he get that from running an app about star signs?

6. Why do people in these movies always have a million outfits, but only bring one suitcase with them? I want their magic Mary Poppins suitcase.

7. There aren’t any more things I noticed. I got bored part way through and stopped paying as close of attention to the background.

Mad Holiday: Movies about Writing

In this 1936 who done it, an actor pigeonholed into playing Selby, a popular detective from a series of novels, has declared that he quits until an actual murder takes place on his vacation.

Phillip Trent (Edmund Lowe), the actor, is onboard a cruise ship when he runs into a over-excited blonde and a dead body. This encounter turns out to be a publicity stunt planned by his studio alongside the author of the Selby books, Peter Dean. Trent is ready to give Dean a piece of his mind as he finds the books as low-quality cash grabs, only to find that Dean is actually an attractive woman (Elissa Landi) who uses her grandfather’s picture on the back of the books. As she has a good laugh over the fake murder, the pair stumbles over a real murder. A wealthy man in possession of the priceless “dragon” diamond is found stabbed in Trent’s estate room.

And so a rather silly investigation begins. Donovan (Edgar Kennedy), the police sergeant on board, is fed up with Trent, Dean, and a cast of slapstick characters getting in his way. The party includes Williams, the dead man’s valet played by Edmund Gwenn - you know, Santa Claus, Morgan, a studio yes man onboard to build up publicity for the next Selby movie played by Ted Healy, Mrs. Kinney, a ridiculous fan of Trent’s played by Zasu Pitts who is often in the background with her dog and husband, and Li Tai, a Chinese heiress and wife of an Asian actor whose family used to own the diamond. And Li Tai is played by Soo Young, an actual Chinese American actress. Just don’t look too hard at her servant or you’ll be upset with Hollywood once again. Also, a very painful scene where the two leads attempt to do Asian accents.

I’m not going to give away the ending, but Dean as the author living out her books alongside the actor who brought them to life is pretty funny. She can’t help giggling every time the killer says something cheesy that' she’s used in a book. She and Trent escape from danger by using one of the actions sequences she wrote. Throughout the movie, Dean takes notes so she can turn the real-life adventure into one of her novels. She also takes offense when everyone calls them “trash”.

When Ladies Meet (1933 & 1941): Movies about Writing

Yes, this another of those situations where the same movie was remade less than a decade after the original. When you can’t re-watch a movie on TV, it stands to reason that a studio can just remake it for more money. The two movies are very similar (the 1940s version is longer, but I’m going to focus on mainly what is the same in both - and the 30s version because I liked it better).

Mary (Myrna Loy/Joan Crawford) is a novelist working on the last chapter of her latest book alongside her publisher Woodruf (Frank Morgan/Herbert Marshall) who she not-so-secretly is hoping to marry . . . for some reason. Frank Morgan is not my idea of a zaddy, but to each their own I guess. In the 40s version, Mary is popular enough that people stop her at parties asking to have books signed. Jimmie (Robert Montgomery/Robert Taylor) is a journalist and friend of Mary’s who is in love with her, yet brutally honest. He points out how her previous book had more plot holes than “Swiss cheese” and if Woodruf praised it, he has ulterior motives. Jimmie tells her that she “used to be able to write about men and women” and that her “last book has neither”. He also points out that her writing a story about a married man who no longer loves his wife and finds another woman to end his suffering is a cheap cliche and that if Woodruf suggested it to Mary, she should be careful. Jimmie is blunt, but he seems like a good beta reader.

Another rather loud friend in their group almost admits that she usually doesn’t like Mary’s books, however shows interest in her love triangle story. It makes Mary think a little about how this new book might not be as good a Woodruf has been claiming. She wants the wife and mistress of her tale to meet and he objects as he knows this is her asking to do the same with his wife.

Jimmie sets up an impromptu meeting between Mary and Mrs. Clare Woodruf (Ann Harding/Greer Garson) without revealing to either woman who the other is. He’s not doing this to hurt Clare, who Jimmie instantly likes. He’s doing this try to knock sense into Mary (and convince her to finally him instead). Clare is a fantastic person, funny and intelligent. She wins Mary over with a wonderful review of one of Mary’s previous novels, stating how “true” the main character was. Mary loves this because it’s the first time a woman has made her feel good about her characters and writing style (usually, it’s just Jimmie). Rightly, Mary wants the opinion of women since her main characters are all women. Clare points out that “women can’t fool women”. Mary asks Clare to be a beta reader on her book about the mistress and wife, still not knowing who Clare actually is. Clare’s insight into the characters in Mary’s book by talking about her own marriage. Mary is shocked that any many would cheat on Clare.

I won’t give away the ending, but I will say I liked it. It does include women with empathy, acts of self-confidence, and a writer who realizes that she doesn’t understand people as well as she believed.

Best lines:

Mary: “I’ve been working on the last chapter today.”

Bridget (Mary and Jimmie’s friend): “Oh, have you, Mary? Well, well, I didn’t know that. I mean, I saw you sitting around with the pencil in your hand, but I didn’t know anything was going on. Anything creative, I mean. This creative business is so funny. You never do know what is going on. I suppose people themselves, don’t.”

The Wonderful World of the Brothers Grimm: Movies about Writing

I first saw this movie as child and remember how long it is. Also, that the fairy tales told in the movie did not align with the original versions written by the Brothers Grimm. I also didn’t realize that the first version I’d ever seen was cut off on the edges because it was the second film in Cinerama.

Even though the movie feels long, I’ll keep this blog short. Also, I apologize to the many talents in this film, but I am not going to list all of them! Charles Beaumont (a staple of the Twilight Zone) was one of the screen writers and Henry Levin and George Pal both directed. Pal probably did the stop motion bits. Laurence Harvey plays Wilhelm, who is presented as the more fanciful of the two brothers, even though he has a wife (Claire Bloom) and two historically inaccurate children to support. He and brother Jacob (Karlheinz Bohm) have been commissioned by a Prussian Duke (Oscar Homolka) to write his family history. However, Wilhelm cannot keep away from collecting folktales to write down from what locals women will share with him. The most notable of these is the witch-like Anna Ritcher played by Martita Hunt. A bookshop owner Stossel (Walter Slezak) keeps telling them that no one will buy books of fairy tales while trying to set up beautiful Greta (Barbara Eden) with Jacob. I should add that almost everything I just described did not happen in reality, but who knows. I wasn’t there.

Wilhelm keeps putting their livelihood in jeopardy by chasing stories. By the way, the man has a traveling writing desk and no one seemed to tell the actor that was what it was. He keeps writing awkwardly on his knee. The movie adapts three tales (each one with a musical sequence). Wilhelm’s obsession costs them their job with the Duke, his brother’s faith in him, and his health. Oh The Drama.

Spoiler Alert: Jacob decides that Wilhelm is more important to him than getting sued by the Duke, marrying Barbara Eden, or having a personal library. Meanwhile, Wilhelm has fever dreams about fairy tale characters busting into his sick room and demanding his help in making sure they don’t fade away. The pair get back to work, mixing their work on grammar and history with collecting stories for children. They receive a prize for their non-fiction work, however the children of Berlin show their own gratitude as a frightening mob demanding a fairy tale.

Beyond a Reasonable Doubt: Movies about Writing

How far do you go for a book subject?

Journalist turned novelist Tom Garrett (Dana Andrews) has been putting off his wedding to his former boss’s daughter Susan (Joan Fontaine) in order to work on his next book. His publisher wants something sensational as soon as possible. His former boss Spencer (Sidney Blackmer) convinces Tom to become a suspect in a recent murder case in order to prove that a man can by given the chair based on circumstantial evidence and prove that the local district attorney has been executing too many men without solid proof. Tom agrees so he will have a topic for his book.

Fritz Lang directed this dark and twisted tale of a writer who pushes his personal life to the edge in order to have the research for a bestseller. Susan gets the detective role, attempting to fight for Tom while unraveling the truth. Also, a character dies in a car accident and his car goes up in flames after being knocked on its side. Were they lining 1950s cars with sparklers and flints?

And that is where I would draw the line. I like getting opportunities to write something different, but go through a court case and jail time to have a good story. Big. Fat. Nope. You can say that I’m not dedicated to the craft and I’d be fine with that.

I don’t want to give away the ending, but I would hope if I was a novelist like Tom, I would be better at handling a tough situation.

Irish Wish: Movies about Writing

So it turns out this Netflix produced Hallmark movie rip-off starting Lindsay Lohan is about an editor who wants to get her own novel written/published . . . and makes a wish that she is marrying her last collaborator, Irish author Paul Kennedy. Waste of a wish, lady.

Maddie has worked alongside Paul (Alexander Vlahos) for a year polishing his latest bestseller and pining for him. However, he hits it off with her best friend, Emma (Elizabeth Tan). Next thing Maddie and her other best friend, Heather, (Ayesha Curry) know, they are in Ireland for the pairs wedding. Despite meeting a handsome English photographer named James (Ed Speleeers - you know, the kid from Eragon) upon arrival, Maddie still makes a wish that she was marrying Paul instead of Emma. A fairy (who is supposed to be Saint Brigid which is very confusing to me) dressed in late 60s mod fashion grants the wish. Now Maddie is marrying Paul and James is their wedding photographer. Oh and Jane Seymour plays her mom who spends most of the film on Maddie’s phone screen or in her own B-plotline. I expected more Jane Seymour.

Before I talk about the writing elements, I want to talk about the “Irish” elements. First of all, Paul lives in a giant estate with a English accent mom. Colonizers! You know his family stole land from the Irish long ago and clearly don’t care. Second, most people in the movie have no Irish accent or a really poor accent (sound like me when I’m trying to impersonate an Irish lady I stayed with on a college trip and who did not seem to care for me). There’s a scene in a bookstore where the clerk barely tries to use an accent, the puts a God’s eye in withe books purchased. Why? Third, the stock photo scene of the Irish countryside don’t match the sets where the actors are. Fourth, what the crap is a “wishing chair”? There are so many other ways they could have worked Maddie’s wish into the movie that come from actual Irish folklore. Even the movie Leap Year came from an actual old Irish tradition. Fifth, Maddie’s favorite author is James Joyce. No one’s favorite author is James Joyce. I think they just looked up the most famous classic Irish author and said, “That will work.” And lastly, Saint Brigid?! Sorry, I can’t get over that part.

Anyway, back to the parts about writing. Heather points out that Maddie had to edit so much of Paul’s book it was practically like she wrote it. I feel like if Paul was truly into his own writing, he wouldn’t have allowed her to change that much. Her character had been working as a freelance writer before that and I appreciate how the movie points out how difficult it is to live off freelance writing which is why she became an editor for the publishing company that handled Paul’s books. Also, Paul’s book is apparently in present tense which I can only handle in certain books. No wonder she had to over-edit it. Present tense is really hard to keep up throughout an entire novel. Paul writes both of their wedding vows, pointing out that HE is the writer, even though he knows she writes as well. Of course, they have to work the love story into her career. Paul states that he knows she needs time to work on her own novel, but first he wants her help on his next novel, despite him promising to hype her up to the publisher they both work for. Naturally, James points out that she should take time for her own writing and all that. James also notices the book she edited is better than any of Paul’s other books.

Spoiler Alert . . . After realizing that Emma and Paul are better for each other and that Maddie likes James, she reverses the wish. Oh, and she tells Paul to only work with her again if it was as a co-writer.

The Wild Party: Movies about Writing

What did I just watch?

This is a Merchant Ivory Film which is NOT about England at the dawn of a new century, so I’m not entirely sure what to do with it. It’s loosely based on a poem which is loosely based on the Fatty Arbuckle scandal. Very loosely.

James Coco plays Jolly Grimm, a silent comic actor throwing a party in order to sell his latest picture, despite so many studios moving to sound films. His long time and long abused girlfriend Queenie (Raquel Welch) is in charge of making sure everything goes perfectly. Of course, it doesn’t. As the night melts into a chaotic mix of booze, orgies, and Jolly taking out all of his frustrations on Queenie, she is driven into the arms of a new Hollywood star.

All of this is observed by Jimmy (David Dukes), Jolly’s writing collaborator and Queenie’s friend. He predicted doom from the start as he 1) saw that Jolly was being extra hard on Queenie and 2) felt the new film could have been better thus asking that his name be taken off of it. While he watches the Hollywood royalty and L.A. elite descend into debauchery, Jimmy begins to create couplets in his head to wax philosophical of a series of wasted lives. As a writer who doesn’t want to be at a party would - either that or go find the house’s pet or hide in a corner.

SPOILER ALERT

Jolly gets drunker by the second, almost kisses an underage dancer, and grows depressed that he’s lost Queenie forever. The party ends with him firing up a staircase, killing Queenie’s lover. When Jimmy tries to stop him, he’s also shot and not in time to save Queenie who dies in Jolly’s arms. And what does Jimmy do in the hospital? Why write down his poem of course! Personally, I would have written it as an article and sold it to a tabloid. If you get shot by a trusted collaborator, you should be able to make the quickest money off of it.

A Break from Cinderella

Soooooo, March and April are always ridiculously busy months for me. Like hair falling out, teeth grinding in sleep, why can’t I handle alcohol like I could in my 20s level of stress. Therefore, I’m going to post some movies about writing blogs that I already have finished and return to Cinderella in the summertime. I might even explain why I’m on a Cinderella kick.

Cinderella Jones: Movies about Writing

This is another of those "What did I just Watch?! movies. Joan Leslie plays Judy Jones, is a singer who much marry a genius in order to inherit a fortune from her uncle. Also in film is are a ton of lawyers, musical numbers, dynamite, and a serial killer . . . all directed by Busby Berkeley. There is also a slew of character actors like Edward Everett Horton, S.Z. Sakall, and Elisha Cook Jr.

Judy and her boyfriend Tommy (Robert Alda) have a gimmick radio show and can’t get married until they have some money. Tommy realized that the lawyers of her uncle’s estate are looking for her and thinks with the money they can get married, not knowing the added detail that she much marry a genius. Judy is kind, flighty, and, get this, always losing her shoe. She is able to prove her identity through a shrunken head her uncle sent her as a toddler. She calls the head “Charlie” and pets it like a plush toy. “It’s so hard to shop for a baby.” She always nice, despite her being rather naive and uneducated. Tommy spends his time lovingly explaining things to her and correcting her vocabulary. Normally, I would be annoyed by his man-splaining, but this feels more like him protecting her and worrying that world will take advantage of her sweet, “dumb” disposition.

Judy seems to think she can marry a genius, get the money, and then somehow be with Tommy in the end. Tommy, knowing that things don’t work that way, changes his mind about he money and tries to convince her to just run away with him. She talks a chemistry professor (Sakall) to help her look for a genius to marry in exchange for a donation to his lab. She enrolls in the college under a man’s name (it’s an all men’s school) and her roommate (Cook) meets his first ever girl. This results in him becoming her stalker! She also meets Bart Williams (William Prince), who can’t stand her air-headed behavior, but the chemistry professor tries to hook them up and Judy gets a crush on Bart. Judy moves in with Camille (Julie Bishop), a female taxi driver who gives advice and acts as modern fairy godmother.

Then, and this is where the plot gets very weird, the chemistry professor tries to talk to Judy at the boarding house and is arrested as a peeping tom. In jail, he escapes along with his cellmate, an ax murderer! They put he professor and Bart are acquitted, yet the focus is still on getting Bart and Judy together in order to get money for the chemistry lab. Tommy, seeing Judy’s crush on Bart and wanted what he thinks is best for her, also joins plots to bring them together. Tommy even uses complex math and chemical equations to convince Bart that he’s in love with Judy. By the way, this all happens within a week.

SPOILER ALERT!

The whole group gets arrested again and the ax murderer comes back to the jail looking for his ax! They use him as a distraction to escape after finding out that Tommy is legally a genius who graduated Magna Cum Laude with a law degree, but Judy never bothered to ask him about it. They are interrupted again by singing army troops, but the army chaplain marries Tommy to Judy. And they all ride away on a tank. The end.

Ella Enchanted

The book was better! The book was better!! THE BOOK WAS BETTER!!! Sorry, I have to always get that out of the way first. I got to see an early screening of this with my best friend and it was the first thing we said to the poor woman taking down statements. “Yes. I keep hearing that,” she responded with a sigh.

Still, it’s not a bad movie. It just could have been sooooooo much better. Read the book! I know it’s for kids, but it’s a damn good book.

The story of Ella Enchanted is the concept that the Cinderella character has to be obedient due to a fairy’s christening gift gone wrong. Ella (Anne Hathaway) is semi-protected by her nanny, Mandy (Minnie Driver) after her mother dies and her father (wait, Patrick Bergin was in this?) never is aware of her curse. She can’t tell anyone, even her best friend Areida (Parminder Nagra). When her father remarries a over-the-top wealthy lady named Dame Olga (Joanna Lumley), Ella is at the mercy of her two daughters, Hattie and Olive (Lucy Punch and Jennifer Higham respectfully). Hattie has an unhealthy obsession with Prince Char (Hugh Dancy), whose Uncle Edgar (Cary Elwes) has started segregating humans and magical creatures. My point is . . . this has a big cast. There also Eric Idle, Steve Coogan, Vivica A. Fox, and Jim Carter. The whole film takes place in a modernized fairy tale world with Prince Char fan magazines, wooden escalators, and Ella being part a of a protest movement. Some character are wearing what look like tee-shirts. I object. The characters of the story claim we think of fairy tales the way we do because of fairy tales. A running gag throughout is “stinking Grimm Brothers”.

Where as in the book, Ella and Char meet as children and grow into love as a teenagers, the movie has Ella at first hating Char for political reasons and him slowly winning her over. The curse over Ella is also over-used in the film, creating ridiculous moments of Ella literally freezing and suddenly knowing advanced fighting techniques. There’s also times when the curse should have made her do things that she doesn’t do. This gives the curse an obvious quality. More people should have figured it out besides Hattie. But Lucy Punch is always hilarious, I just try to focus on that.

Ella searches for a way to break the curse and meets elves, ogres, giants, and upsets the plans of the evil Uncle Edgar (a character who didn’t exist in the book). Edgar is the embodiment of a fear book Ella had - that someone could use her curse to hurt Char or the kingdom. SPOILER: I do like how they filmed the scene when she breaks the curse. It’s at the ball in a hall of mirrors which looks more magical than most of the rest of the film. Other than that the ending feels sillier every time I watch it. What the hell is up the “red guards” and why can Ella roundhouse kick them without being ordered to do so? Why do I feel weird about the dance number at the end of this movie, but love the one at the end of Mirror Mirror? Maybe because this ending feels like it was for five year olds.

Swing Shift Cinderella

Yes. Yes. I know. There are certain modern objections to this cartoon. But it’s Tex Avery! And the “Cinderella” character is very confident and comfortable in her own skin.

The plot is a wolf takes a break from chasing Little Red Riding Hood in order to pursue the Cinderella of the title. Despite his zoot suit and pencil mustache, Cinderella violent spurs his advances (a frying pan is involved), so she can work on getting to the ball. Meanwhile, her amorous fairy godmother chases after the wolf, whose not interested.

Cinderella talks like Bette Davis (“You do wave a mean wand, don’t you, Fairy Godmother”), wears a fur coat, and drives a luxury car instead of a coach. The wolf follows Cinderella and the godmother follows the wolf. But it turns out that Cinderella has gone to this fancy shindig to perform, not to meet a prince. At midnight, she runs home to change, because she has a shift in a WWII factory. However, the bus taking her is full of wolves.

Muppets!

Go away! I’m watching the new Muppet Show with Sabrina Carpenter . . . again. I’m a grown woman! I can watch it as many times as I want!

Oh, and we’re having a sale. Type is SALE50 and get 50% of your order on the fivesmilingfish shop.