That Time Azra Tried to Get Me to Catfish People

Sometimes my characters try to talk me into some shady tings. Well. Not all of them. Just one – I bet you can even guess which one it is. I can’t say that he’s doing it out of malice. No, his intentions are good. Because of this one very loud, very insistent voice in my head, I’ve spent a whole year dispensing terrible parenting advice (that even made it into its own illustrated guide- check it out under the shop tab). Then, after that was another year of general life advice that probably shouldn’t be followed ever. This time, Azra wanted me to tackle dating and love advice. Which, at the outset, sounded hilarious. Dating advice from a deranged, perpetual bachelor angel? There was no way it wasn’t going to be comical.

The intent was to let him loose on a dating app, see what happened, and then record the events in a blog. Genius, right?

That’s what I thought too. So, I spent an entire evening creating an OKCupid account for my imaginary friend (because, really. What other dating app would an angel use?). I answered HUNDREDS of questions and made his profile as obviously fake as I could. The pictures of “Azra” that I posted were far off surfer shots and none had discernable faces. I even created an e-mail account for my angel.

With everything in place and a definitive answer for any random question that app could throw at me (and believe me, there were some REALLY random questions) I let Azra loose on OKCupid.

Well, that is, until Azra’s profile started getting a LOT of attention. Despite the fact that I made it as blatantly fake as I could, people didn’t seem to care. They wanted to get to know this angel. When I saw the numbers and got a few messages from lonely people asking to meet up with my character that has, until now, lived only in my head and in my books, I realized that I couldn’t go through with any of this.  

Why, you may ask? Well, it’s simple. It’s all about the human element. It’s one thing to distribute bad advice and make a joke out of it, but it’s a completely other thing when there are real people involved who are potentially putting their hearts and minds on the line.

I simply can’t catfish someone for the sake of a humorous blog. I just won’t. It’s not right and I don’t think I want to be that kind of a person. The world is hard enough without people catching emotions for a fictional character on a dating site.

I guess Azra and I will have to come up with a different idea for his continuing blog series. If you have a suggestion, let me know in the comments.

Until next time, be more kind.

Kira + Azra

Coming of Age; Understanding When Your Parenting Job Is Done

Being a parent is a thankless job. You pour your blood, sweat, and tears into your spawn and surround them with fervent prayers that they turn out to be meaningful contributors to the human race. It seems that the work is never done. What many parents fail to realize is that there is, in fact, an end date to all this parenting torment! Believe it or not, it is when your child becomes, dare I say it? An adult.

Oh sure there’s all this hooey about how they will always be your little snot rag and how in your heart you will always worry if they are getting enough to eat. Bullshit. That is the parental guilt talking (yeah, it has a way of backfiring on those who use it.... beware).

The reality is this. Once your offspring becomes an adult, you are FREE! If you did things right, then your little monster can’t wait to become independent of you. That’s even better because it will make the transition period easier to deal with.

So really, the only question you should be asking is when does this magical age of adulting occur?

The answer is a little complicated and has to do with various cultural and societal norms in your location and time period. For example, many cultures believe that once a person reaches puberty, they are considered an adult. Others tend to go with what their government considers age of majority. That would be 18 in the US. To be safe, I’d average out what the government’s age of majority with your own cultural and or religious definition of adult is and then viola! There you have it, your end date to parenting!

What does it mean to be done with parenting? Well, it’s simple, really. You stop teaching them things. You make them be independent and make their own way in life. To test if they are ready, many cultures have what they consider a right of passage into adulthood where the person has to prove they are capable of taking care of themselves. If your culture doesn’t have anything like that, you can definitely make one up. Bonus points if you make it escape room style where you magically disappear at the end. At least for a little while.

Remember, parents. There is an end to all of this madness. Hang on just a little longer. You will soon be done with your contribution to your species!

Keep Your Eyes on the Prize,

Azra

***Disclaimer***Azra has been around children for centuries. While not having any of his own, part of being an exiled angel means blending in on earth. As he traveled the earth, he picked up on a lot of parenting practices across the globe. This blog is meant to share his parenting wisdom with a new generation. And to win a bet.

*Note: any advice given is meant to be satirical and not to be taken literally. Please do not exercise it upon any living being, child or otherwise.*

Potty Training. Why Fight Human Nature?

Potty training is the worst. Thank goodness I've never had to do that. When I got my nephew, he was already past that stage. Still, it is a topic that creates a lot of controversy. Should you? Shouldn't you?  If not, then how soon can you teach the child to change themselves? If so, is it morally right to train a living thing to poop on command? I mean, sure that could be useful as a prank and in certain battle situations, but is it right?

Then there is when to start the process. How old is considered old enough to control the inner workings of their bowels?

The reality of it is this. Kids are, in general, a mess of bodily fluids any way. Hell, that's just the human condition. It can't be helped. So the question then becomes, why fight it? 

Here are some alternatives to dealing with the whole potty training thing. 

1.      Litter or paper training- sure it's still training, and you'd have to clean it up, but this option is more conducive to the inherent human condition. Just be sure to get enough newspaper subscriptions for your floor plan.

2.      Let your child live with wild animals. Few creatures get the potty training thing like wild ones. Sometimes modern technology interferes with natural instincts. If your child spends enough time in the wild, you won't have to worry about the porcelain throne at all! He will successfully cover his excrement like any good wolf pup. 

3.      If you must potty train, consider hiring someone to do the dirty work for you. However, this can be expensive as few are properly trained in biohazard waste management. Believe me, you don't want to skim the credentials on this one. You may also need additional insurance- check with your provider. 

4.      Consider colostomy bags for your little poop machine. No training required and it's a simple clip on and forget about it. 

There are other options, of course, but few that generate the desired effect without permanently harming your child.  This list will at least give you a new option to consider; avoid the controversy and choose not to potty train.

Happy pooping!

Azra

***Disclaimer***Azra has been around children for centuries. While not having any of his own, part of being an exiled angel means blending in on earth. As he traveled the globe, he picked up on a lot of parenting practices across the globe. This blog is meant to share his parenting wisdom with a new generation. And to win a bet.

*Note: any advice given is meant to be satirical and not to be taken literally. Please do not exercise it upon any living being, child or otherwise.*