That Time Azra Tried to Get Me to Catfish People

Sometimes my characters try to talk me into some shady tings. Well. Not all of them. Just one – I bet you can even guess which one it is. I can’t say that he’s doing it out of malice. No, his intentions are good. Because of this one very loud, very insistent voice in my head, I’ve spent a whole year dispensing terrible parenting advice (that even made it into its own illustrated guide- check it out under the shop tab). Then, after that was another year of general life advice that probably shouldn’t be followed ever. This time, Azra wanted me to tackle dating and love advice. Which, at the outset, sounded hilarious. Dating advice from a deranged, perpetual bachelor angel? There was no way it wasn’t going to be comical.

The intent was to let him loose on a dating app, see what happened, and then record the events in a blog. Genius, right?

That’s what I thought too. So, I spent an entire evening creating an OKCupid account for my imaginary friend (because, really. What other dating app would an angel use?). I answered HUNDREDS of questions and made his profile as obviously fake as I could. The pictures of “Azra” that I posted were far off surfer shots and none had discernable faces. I even created an e-mail account for my angel.

With everything in place and a definitive answer for any random question that app could throw at me (and believe me, there were some REALLY random questions) I let Azra loose on OKCupid.

Well, that is, until Azra’s profile started getting a LOT of attention. Despite the fact that I made it as blatantly fake as I could, people didn’t seem to care. They wanted to get to know this angel. When I saw the numbers and got a few messages from lonely people asking to meet up with my character that has, until now, lived only in my head and in my books, I realized that I couldn’t go through with any of this.  

Why, you may ask? Well, it’s simple. It’s all about the human element. It’s one thing to distribute bad advice and make a joke out of it, but it’s a completely other thing when there are real people involved who are potentially putting their hearts and minds on the line.

I simply can’t catfish someone for the sake of a humorous blog. I just won’t. It’s not right and I don’t think I want to be that kind of a person. The world is hard enough without people catching emotions for a fictional character on a dating site.

I guess Azra and I will have to come up with a different idea for his continuing blog series. If you have a suggestion, let me know in the comments.

Until next time, be more kind.

Kira + Azra

Ask Azra: A Question of Pets

Dear Azra,

My boyfriend of three years wants to get a pet. We just moved into a house together and he’s wanting to get a dog. He says he’s always had one and he’s missing that part of his life. The problem is I am not a pet person. Never have been. Dogs are messy and high maintenance and I just don’t know if I can take care of it. But I love my boyfriend and I want to make sure he is happy and comfortable in our new home. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Doggone Conflicted

Dear Conflicted,

Pets, especially dogs, are a big deal in a relationship. It’s accepting a creature into your new home that will be totally and completely reliant on you and your boyfriend. Are you two ready for such a commitment, especially after making such a drastic change as moving in together?

Honestly, I think you two would be better off just having kids at this stage in your relationship. Maybe when you have had a couple of offspring, then you can tackle the pet discussion with a little more perspective.

 Relationship Responsibly,

Azra

Want more bad advice from Azra about parenting? Check out his Illustrated Guide here

***Disclaimer***Azra is not someone to take advice from. He’s not even human- he’s an exiled angel that gets his kicks dispensing horrible advice to people. Do not take his advice seriously. It is meant to be satirical and not to be taken literally.

Reflections of What Was (2018) And the Hope for What Will Be (2019)

I am writing this on New Year’s Eve, 2018 (yes, I am a procrastinating writer... but I have a really good excuse this time!). For the first time in my professional life I’ve had the past week off from the day job and I’ve found myself reflecting over the past year more than I usually do.

Typically, this is a season of preparation for me. My day job requires that I plan out the whole next year before tonight. I not only tie up loose ends for the year, but I also have to make sure that others around me are prepared for the coming year as well. Since, by luck of too much work and not enough time off taken, I am not at the day job, that attention to planning and strategy that is usually reserved for the office has been transferred to my personal life.

Personally speaking, 2018 has had many highs and many lows. The best word to describe it has been chaotic. Not in a bad way or even a particularly good way, just lots of upheavals in all of the different spheres of my life. This has been a year of growth and maturing and, as we all know, those things are never easy.

For the writing and publishing business, it’s been a good year. We are steadily increasing our sales. We are getting more into the book venues and events than ever before. Thank you to everyone that came out and supported us at many of the events we do! It is very much appreciated.

Our books are in the Scottsdale public library- something we’ve all dreamed about since we began this journey of ours. (All three of us are library fiends. To have our books offered in a library is a huge achievement for us.) I finished my grandfather’s story after eight long years of gathering the information and then finally committing it all to paper.

Slowly, we are growing and gaining more and more experience. It gives me much hope for the years to come. While we are celebrating these victories, there’s still a lot for us to learn and to improve on. Starting with tomorrow. New Year’s Day, 2019. This is going to be a game changing year for us. It won’t be easy, but I am confident we will be celebrating even more victories.

There’s a whole laundry list of things happening this upcoming year for Five Smiling Fish, but the most important announcements I have is that we have two new books scheduled to come out in 2019:

1.       Azra’s Illustrated Guide to (Bad) Parenting- yes, the blog series he was desperate for me to write will now become a guide book featuring the incredible artwork of Kylara Griffis. Anticipated release date, Spring/ Summer 2019

2.       The much anticipated beginning of the Fable series by Megan E. Vaughn. Release date: Fall/Winter 2019.

Then there are the blogs. Last year I had a couple of successful blog runs and some not so successful. Azra won’t let me not write his blogs, so he’s staying. The Writers Helping Writers series will expand into more publishing topics and some helpful tips. I am also going to add in a new blog series about an upcoming Dungeon’s and Dragon’s campaign I am starting (my husband is so freaking happy about it... we shall see). As always, if you have questions for Azra or if you have a more pointed question on writing and publishing, please drop us a line and I’ll work it in.

Of course no year would be complete without actual writing goals. I hope to complete two first drafts this upcoming year: the third book in the Angel’s Prophecy series, Age of the Daughter and a stand-alone novel that right now I’m calling The Vengeance of Skuld. It’s ambitious, but, honestly, not being ambitious is not an option anymore.

We are very much looking forward to these and the other things we have planned for 2019. We hope that you will be with us on this great adventure. Once again, thank you so much for all of your love and support for us Indie Authors. We would not be able to do this without all of you.

Happiest of New Years to you and yours.

 Kira & Five Smiling Fish