Sabrina the Teenage Witch (The Phantom Meance): Movies about Writing

In her senior year of high school, Sabrina (Melissa Joan Hart) decides to use Halloween to impress her new boss and work the night shift. This goes against the precedent set by other episodes where witch Halloween is more like Thanksgiving with food and annoying relatives. Seriously, who volunteers to work on a family holiday? Oh wait, anyone who wants to avoid family. But who admits it directly to their family’s face?

Her aunts tell her she can’t “run away” from the holiday, but she’s determined to have a quiet night without the “kid stuff”. Meanwhile, her boyfriend Harvey is running around in a onesie egging houses and she criticizes him. Hey! Let people have their fun! Anyway the main plot is about her being literally haunted because she tries to skip Halloween.

Back at the house (a set I would gladly live on), Aunt Zelda and Aunt Hilda decide to invite Edgar Allan Poe to Halloween dinner using their time travel clock. They hope he can scare them because they have a yen for the shivers. They fangirl hard over the dead poet, holding his cape between them and declaring “no garment could be scarier!” Poe (played by a character actor named Edgar Allan Poe IV who claims to be a descendant of Poe’s family) is portrayed as a very human man who has missed good cooking because “in the afterlife there is no salt”. The actor does a great Virginia accent to go with the role which is something missing from most movie and TV versions of Poe.

The big twist is that Poe no longer write horror because there’s a better market for sappy love poetry. In the end, Salem the cat reads one of his horror stories leaving both aunt and Poe with their hair standing on end in terror.

There are some good jokes in this episodes of late 90s/early 00s fodder. My favorite was Hilda stating that Zelda forgot the one thing that would make Poe feel at home. Salem the cat responds with “An open bar?” I know. I know. It’s not fair to make fun of someone with a problem, but for a kid’s show it was a pretty good burn.

Have a Nice Trip - See You Next Autumn

Throughout September and October, the Vaughn blogs are going to change-up in honor of that most wondrous of times - the celebration of Halloween.

Some of the blogs will be the In Defense Of theme of the fairy tale blogs, but will focus on ghost stories and horror movies.

The other half of the blogs will be a part of a shameless promotion of a new book coming from FSF Publications, Fable of the Immortals. The book takes place in Arizona at several locations with their own superstitions and creepy stories and there will be blogs about traveling to these spots.

*Side note: There isn't really Autumn in Phoenix. There's slightly cooler weather and by November the wildflowers start to die. If you have some way to send Autumn to us, please do. Most people here think it only exists in Hallmark movies and Joann craft stores.

 

Halloween in June

Let's face it - Christmas in July is the pits. I don't care how much you say you love it or how many cheaply produced Hallmark movies you binge in the middle of Summer, it's an awful reminder of the stress-inducing, materialism of what should be a time of warmth and kindness. It's a cheap and a lame excuse for decking non-existent halls.

That haven't been said - WHERE IS THE HALLOWEEN EQUIVALENT?

I want a horror movie marathon throughout the month of June!

I want the It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown to disrupt my favorite summer non-cable show.

I want an excuse to buy fun size candy bars and awkwardly wait on my porch for kids to come!

I want kids to tell me about Hocus Pocus like it's brand new!

I want to walk around my neighborhood in a witch hat and have no one wonder why!

Let's do this, people! Grab those plastic pumpkins and purple lights! Join the Halloween in June revolution!

3 Movies that Need a Thanksgiving Special

Christmas gets all the good stuff. Oh sure, occasionally you get an entertaining Halloween short to go along with one of your favorite movies (I confess that I own Scared Shrekless on DVD), but what does Thanksgiving get? One Charlie Brown short and a parade which ends with the Jolly Fat Man anyway. Society is always in such a hurry to get to the holiday season that November just gets grazed over. I know that Thanksgiving is based around more legend than truth (look it up) and, yes, I know it was only made a federal holiday in order to keep up morale during the Civil War (also true), but why doesn't Hollywood give it a little love. Give this turkey and cornucopias a chance, just to let autumn last a little longer.

Here are three suggestions for Thanksgiving TV specials.

Star War Thanksgiving Special

It would take place on Jakku (because everyone wants to go back to Jakku, right?) where scavengers and the lowlifes who buy their goods come together for one special, peaceful day to eat dehydrated bread. There would singing and cameos and possibly a random cartoon short in the middle for no reason. And it would all be awful. Just plain awful. So awful that Disney would then try to bury it, only to then have it resurface ten years later as a cult classic. A whole generation will remember it fondly due to the fact that they were too young to realize just how bad it was in the first place.

Halloween: Michael Meyers's Thanksgiving Reunion

Oh come on! This totally writes itself. Laurie has fallen into a false sense of security as it has been almost a month since her attentive big brother tried to kill her. As she prepares to feast with whatever friends and family remain from the previous attack, the night will slowly reveal each guest at the dinner being rather creatively bumped off. So many carving utensils. Death by stuffing sounds like a good way to go. In the end, it would all turn out to be an attempt by Michael to show Laurie just how grateful he is for her. To do this, he will present her with a table centerpiece made from her most recent boyfriend's head, because there has to be a heartwarming ending.

An Avengers Thanksgiving

This would mostly be a lot of awkward, drunken conversations between Iron Man and the rest of the team eventually leading to some sort of collateral damage. But imagine the kind of food Stark would order in! Hulk mash...potatoes!