Making a living as a writer

I want to take a minute and dispel some myths about writing. Particularly about the pay of a writer. 

There’s this pervading misconception that writers make decent amounts of money. That if their book is selling, then they’re rolling in dough. With the exception of JK Rowling’s miraculous rags to riches story, it just simply isn’t the case. 

Writers- or at least indie book authors- make a fraction of minimum wage. The creation, writing, editing, and marketing of a book  cannot be translated into a per- hour salary. At best you can get paid per sale of the book- which after distributor fees, printing fees, and retail discounts, would give the author a mere .55 per copy. Possibly less. 

Writing a book is not a get rich quick scenario. 

When my first book (Angel’s Prophecy) came out, my boss at my day job asked in all seriousness, “so when will you be a millionaire?”

Stammering, I had to explain that if I did become a millionaire, it probably wouldn’t have anything to do with my writing career. To which, my corporate boss said “Ah. Then writing is just a hobby.” 

That conversation always stuck with me for several reasons. One, the gall that man had to automatically assume that if something one is passionate about didn’t generate a fortune, then it’s a mere hobby and all of that work was easily discounted as a way to pass the time between shifts. Two, needing to explain that just because I wrote a book didn’t mean I was debuting on the New York Times Best Seller List. 

I’ve had some time to think about this conversation, to fully come to terms with the real world limitations my passion has. Sure, writing isn’t going to get me rich. It’s not going to pay any bills or keep food in my stomach. I’d be lucky to see any sort of profit when all is said and done. But for me, writing is in my blood. I have to write, to translate these images in my head onto paper. I have to tell these stories that live inside of me. If there’s a chance at making a living at it, then all the better. If not, well? I’ve got my imagination to tide me over. 

Ask Azra: How To Handle An Inheritance

Dear Azra,

My wife’s great uncle just passed. We were contacted by his lawyers and they told us that he left his entire estate to my wife. While I don’t know exactly how much we are getting or what all the estate entails, I do know that it includes a mansion up in the hills. Any advice on how to adjust to my new life of luxury?

Thanks,

Rollin in Dough

Dear Rollin.

Obviously there is only one thing you can do when faced with such an abrupt shift in personal wealth. You are now a billionaire and you should quickly establish you eccentricity so you can fit in with the other billionaires. Quit your job. Like, immediately. You don’t need it and the limitations it places on you. Sell the home you are currently living in. Or, better yet, give it away! After all, you now have this rumored mansion in the hills to call home now. Plus it’s important to be benevolent to the little people who don’t have as much as you. Finally, and this is a BIG one, make your new social status known to EVERYONE. Take out ad space on the television, buy a billboard, blast it out on social media. Let them all bask in the glory of your new inheritance and wrestle with their jealousy.

Happy Windfalling,

Azra

***Disclaimer***Azra is not someone to take advice from. He’s not even human- he’s an exiled angel that gets his kicks dispensing horrible advice to people. Do not take his advice seriously. It is meant to be satirical and not to be taken literally.