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Go away! According to a website it’s Live Creative Day, National Coloring Day, and National Cram Filled Donut Day. I’m busy living my best life!
* I have several upcoming movie and TV blogs coming up which were written before the writers’ strike. I’m just going to post them until I run out.
IT’S NATIONAL BUY A BOOK DAY AND YOU’RE IN LUCK BECAUSE WE SELL BOOKS!
AREN’T YOU GLAD YOU CLICKED ON THIS BLOG?
Hey there local parents! Your kids have been in school almost a whole month! You must be enjoying the break of not having them around the house all summer. Guess what, your kids’ teachers are already exhausted! Eight more months to go!
23 Paces to Baker Street is decent, but somewhat underwhelming mystery about Philip Hannon (Van Johnson), a man recently blinded who has moved to London in an attempt to rebuild his life after ditching his fiancee Jean (Vera Miles). His butler Bob (Cecil Parker) is good about attempting to make him feel “normal”, however Phil’s new advanced senses of smell and hearing help him to hide his disability.
Due to Phil’s new abilities (which are somewhat comically showcased to the audience as distracting small sounds turned up like a watch ticking sounding like Big Ben), he overhears a sinister conversation. When the police decide that Phil’s career as a playwright has addled his imagination, Phil, Jean, and Bob attempt to sleuth on their own. They suspect a kidnapping and corruption.
Never you mind about all off the murder and chases and moments of thrilling near-death experiences. Let’s talk about the writer in this film! Phil uses an audio recorder to take down the dialog for his plays and Bob types them out. When first hearing the conversation about a kidnapping, Phil memorizes it and records it on his device. The trouble is, he’s not an actor so each word is missing the inflections of the original owners.
Ball of Fire (1941) and A Song is Born (1948) are almost the same film save for most of the cast and what they are writing. I mean REALLY the same! Even the director Howard Hawks returned for the musical remake of his own movie. Why did they feel the needed to remake a fairly new film? Because film studios don’t change. If something makes money, might as well do it again to make more money! Plus, in the 1940s, you couldn’t buy a copy to watch at home or stream. Television was a fairly new household appliance in 1948.
First, Ball of Fire is about a group of eight professors writing an encyclopedia employed by Miss Tottem, a woman both interested in the writing process and frustrated by how long the endeavor is taking. Her father, the inventor of the electric toaster, wanted a new compendium of human knowledge created which included ample information about himself. As the men realize they need a section on modern slang, the youngest of the professors, Bertram Potts (Gary Cooper) leaves the comfort of their studies. Enter our Snow White character, Sugarpuss O’Shea (Barbara Stanwyck) whose is hiding from the cops because of her mobster boyfriend, Joe (Dana Andrews). She agrees to be the slang interpreter for the seven men if she can stay in their house however, they do not know the reasons why. The other seven professors (played by a who’s who of popular character actors) are shy of Sugar at first, but she wins them each over, to the chagrin of the old fashioned housekeeper who come in each day to feed the men.
Naturally, Joe butts in just at Potts and Sugar start to fall in love. He’s determined to marry Sugar so she can’t testify against him for murder. And shenanigans ensue.
Potts sets up his research by having a brain trust of people he picked up off the streets to teach him slang. He studies them, writes down what they say and their explanations. I’m not sure how an encyclopedia is written, but it seems a long process of cross-referencing and research. However, I do love research. What I do know is that I would like to take these eight men to trivia night.
The original, Ball of Fire, is the superior of the two (I’m sorry Danny Kaye), still A Song of Born is full of many of the music greats of the mid-twentieth century. For that and that alone, I loved it as a child (yes, as a child I knew who Louis Armstrong and Benny Goodman were because I was a strange child). Danny Kaye is Professor Frisbee, this time the youngest of a group writing a musical encyclopedia for Miss Totten (same Miss Totten as in Ball of Fire - Mary Field). Her father was a failed musician who left money in his will that such a lofty project be completed. And just like in the original film, the professors are distracted by Honey Swanson (Virginia Mayo), a fast talking mobster moll in hiding.
Their writing is more anthropological, looking at how music influences culture (whether any of this was accurate is a different story altogether). However, they realize that their encyclopedia is severely lacking in swing, “boogie woogie”, and few other modern forms of music when a pair of Black window washers (played by real life duo Buck and Bubbles). Frisbee decides to gather as many popular musicians as he can. Granted a lot of these were musicians already under contract to the movie studio, but that’s how he finds Louis Armstrong, Tommy Dorsey, Lionel Hampton, and the love interest Honey. I cannot stress enough that the music is the key reason to watch this version. *Random note: As a kid I asked my mom why all of the Black men in the movie called Louis Armstrong “Satchmo” and the white men called him, “Mr. Armstrong”. Cut to me learning about a movie trying to show respect to an African American performer the only way they knew how before the major civil rights movement. I think I also got a lesson about Hattie McDaniel that day.
The rest plays out fairly the same except one big notable difference in how they write their book. Everything they write about is also recorded. Each recording accompanies a group of chapters and an brief verbal summary of those chapters indicating why the recorded music is an audible example of the text. That sounds exhausting.
I’ve heard of the Jane Arden comics, but I’ve never read them. Still, they were once popular enough for a 1939 crime movie to be made. I tried to look up what characters were from the comic, however, there’s very little about the content of the Jane Arden comic books to be found easily other than the fact that they came with paper dolls.
The film has Jane (Rosella Towne) investigating the murder of a beautiful young woman whose shooting was blamed on a random hood. Jane tells her editor, Ed, that she wants to write the real story by tracking down the real killers. Ed publicly fires her only to turn around and send her undercover with jewel smugglers they suspect really committed the crime. Jane and her ditzy friend end up on board a ship to Bermuda as jewelry mules along with the criminal mastermind and his jealous girlfriend. And Jane is pretty much having the time of her life as a fake moll.
You don’t see much of Jane’s writing in the movie other than sensational headlines in all caps. However, what made me want to watch the film is because the character of Jane Arden is what inspired many women to become journalists and writers. Her creators purposely made her strong, smart, and single so her career could be completely her own. She’s also the inspiration for Lois Lane (which is why some of you will be arguing online that she sounds like a Lois Lane rip-off).
1942 was a time of high ideals in the midst of war. This is a film about truth versus ideals which may be why it’s somewhat forgotten now. Keeper of the Flame stars Spencer Tracey as Steven O’Malley, a war correspondent back in the United States in time for the public funeral of beloved civic leader whom he wants to write biography of. However, the man’s grieving widow, Christine Forrest (Katherine Hepburn), is so determined to keep her husband’s memory pristine that she objects to reporters writing anything beyond his heroism and tragic death in a car accident.
In his pleas to convince Christine Forrest, Steven meets several people wrapped up in the end of a public figure. Even before encountering Christine, he is verbally accosted by her cousin Geoffrey (hey! it’s the Sargent from FTroop!) who has taken the death particularly hard. The house has a gatekeeper who was once Mr. Forrest’s superior officer and claimed to have been rescued by his now deceased boss. His son is Jeb, a distraught little boy who blames himself for Mr. Forrest’s death and missus his older sister who used to work for Mr. Forrest.. There is an elderly Mrs. Forrest, Christine’s mother-in-law who rambles in code. Dr. Fielding provides a more human version of Mr. Forrest, critical of the hero-worship the man inspired in others and blames him for institutionalizing Jeb’s sister. And lastly, there is Clive Kerndon, the family’s private secretary who is on Steven’s side (and I’m pretty sure had a crush on Mr. Forrest despite everything).
Despite the politically inspired youth groups, the pride of everyone in town, and the liberal and lofty idea Forrest left behind, Steven has difficulty writing the biography. He discovers that so much of the “great man’s” life is shadowed. He never expected perfection, yet he starts to suspect more sinister secrets about everyone involved. Christine and Kerndon are guarded about Mr. Forrest’s past and personality except the same rehearsed lines of his greatness and devotion to causes. I won’t give away the ending.
As far as writers go, I like the imagery in this movie of reporters all rushing with their little suitcase typewriters, fighting for a place at a hotel table and typing like mad to reach a deadline. My favorite is Jane, a secondary character who is slightly more fleshed out than the typical “lady reporter”. Tracey’s character represents what trying to print truth can do to a person over time. He’s a man with conviction and empathy who saw World War II first hand and comes home with a broader view of heroes and villains. He wanted to write the biography for other people so they could have more home in something good, hope he knew he was losing throughout the war. I like the idea of a writer wanting to give something to others even if he no longer had it himself. Christine states that she wondered if Steven “spoke as he wrote” and responded, “I speak as I feel and I feel very deeply about this”. Despite everything, he still thought truth was most important.
I didn’t have time to watch something this week so I tried to find something random to write about. I looked up holidays on July 27th, but nothing jumped out at me. I mean, I like bagpipes. Do I need a whole day of appreciation of them? No. No, I do not.
So instead enjoy this stock photo of a cute cat re-enacting the dream sequence from Terminator 2: Judgement Day.
[Clears throat] Beg, pardon. I must rant.
I don’t have to justify why I support this strike, but for those of you not in the know - writers only get paid when they have regular work despite being professionals. So many used to live on residual checks between jobs. They live in California and New York, where living costs can be painfully high. Most importantly - the CEOs who refuse to pay them more make a disgusting amount of money.
I recently watched a film called Solid Gold Cadillac which opened with stockholder Judy Holiday asking the heads of the company she invested in a simple “why”. Why do they make so much money when they work fewer hours. This is in 1956 when she asks this question and yet we still do not have answer.
It infuriates me that these bigwigs think they can just wait out the strike. It also infuriates me that many people online seem to think they can scab and take these writers’ jobs. Or are simply complaining that Hollywood elite are being “greedy”. Unions the reason we have safety precautions at work. Unions are why there’s less child labor (yes, I say less, there’s still under the table child labor in the U.S.). And (here’s a big one) unions are why we have FORTY HOUR WORK WEEK AVERAGE AND A WEEKEND! Yes, some unions are corrupt, however, overall they fight to the betterment of their working conditions. Also, the Nanny wants your help! None of us watched her last show. We owe her this.
How do we support? First off, don’t be scab. Writers should support writers. Check the online for what work you can do that does not upset the strike.
Second, you sign a petition stating your support at: https://www.wgacontract2023.org/take-action/stand-with-writers
And lastly, if you have money to spare you can donate to their fund which keeps people from going hungry or losing their homes while on strike. https://secure2.convio.net/afa/site/Donation2;jsessionid=00000000.app20013a?df_id=2857&2857.donation=form1&mfc_pref=T&NONCE_TOKEN=F991A2FD89178FAF65945424FBC6FC3B
And don’t forget, there’s plenty of online content we’ve all meant to watch, but fallen behind on while we wait for them to win. Rant done. Thanks.
Let’s do a short TV show blog (because it’s hot outside).
If you don’t know, Bob’s Burgers is a delightful adult cartoon about a man named Bob who runs a struggling burger restaurant with his family in a seaside town full of eccentrics.
I want to live in the small town where this animated television show takes place. Why is this not a real place? This is one of the great tragedies of my life. But this episode isn’t.
The owners of the little burger serving diner get an unexpected customer when her car breaks down. Linda greets the lady and asks who is. The woman pulls a manuscript out of her bag (held together with a binder clip - a piece of reality in cartoon form) and realized the customer calling herself Bea Cromwell is the author of a children’s chapter book Linda and Bob read repeatedly to their kids years early.
Linda is instantly sucked back into a perfect nostalgia cloud where her three children, Tina, Gene, and Louise, are still small enough to be snuggled between her and Bob in bed. This throws Linda in a full psychotic break and demands to know why Bea no longer writes “Snail and Newt” books for children anymore. Although Bea calmly tries to explain that she stopped writing for kids when her own kids got older, switching to crime thrillers for adult readers, Linda becomes obsessed. She convinces herself that children can never grow up and leave if their favorite childhood things keep going.
Spoiler Alert:
So . . . Linda hassles, badgers, and full on attacks Bea with suggestions for new Snail and Newt book. I mean, really scary stuff. She actually causes the author’s tow-truck to leave and makes the woman feel unsafe. Really unsafe. Wants the cops called and runs-into-the-mortuary-next-door-to-hide- unsafe. Nevertheless, I think the writer is missing a good point. Yes, Linda goes overboard and becomes a frightening stalker. BUT she did it out of love of the book Bea wrote and how that book was beloved of her entire family. And Bea doesn’t even offer to sign it!
Oh PBS, you know how to draw me in. Liberty’s Kids was a television series explaining key events of the American Revolution from the point-of-view of three child reporters for Ben Franklin (Walter Cronkite not long before his passing). I should hang my head in shame that I was watching this as a Freshman in college, but meh. I have no shame. Okay, I am a little ashamed that I know the words to the theme song - even the rap part.
The main characters James (a patriot), Sarah (a British loyalist), and Henri (a French orphan) all meet in this episode in the midst of tension in the colonies. Watching this with more knowledge of the Founding Fathers had me a tad edgier than I thought. For example, there is a part with Sarah’s mother riding alone in a carriage with Benjamin Franklin. Get out of there, lady! Don’t you know he has a thing for married women! Don’t let the Cronkite voice fool you! I mean, kids’ show. No inappropriate behavior exists in this version of Franklin. All is clean. All is fine. Twitch.
That’s all well and good, however what I want to talk about is the presence of Phillis Wheatley as a character. The episode is about the Sons of Liberty protesting the Tea Act in the manner we have all learned about in school. In the midst of the chaos, Sarah, Henri, and James all meet as Sarah was on board and Moses (Franklin’s printing assistant and reporter) was sent to find her. Moses takes the three children to Phillis Wheatley’s house to hide while soldiers search for the rebels. I appreciate that the cartoon states how Moses does not know Wheatley personally, only by reputation as a poet (PBS wanted to show that they were aware that not “all Black people know each other”).
Phillis tells the children her story of being a slave kidnapped from [unnamed specific place] Africa and sold to a family which ended up teaching her read and write. It doesn’t mention that she learned English in just two years (this woman was extraordinarily intelligent and most Americans don’t know her name!). Wheatley explains how the family who owns her has not set her free, yet are using her as an example of why African Americans should be free. Huh? I - I - What now? Sarah seems to catch the contradiction and demands to know why slavery is thriving in the colonies. She isn’t surprised to find out that Wheatley’s work sells better in England than in Boston or New York. Also, I’m fairly certain the Wheatleys had legally freed Phillis by 1773.
Anyway, only one measly piece of Phillis Wheatley poetry is quoted. “Muse! where shall I begin the spacious feild. To tell what curses unbeleif doth yeild?”. That’s it! And they don’t even give the context of the line. It’s the opening of An Address to the Atheist, a poem using imagery from Roman and Greek mythology to convince people to sill have faith in God. Oh and she wrote it when she was 14! At 14 I was still writing poetry about my dog! Don’t get me wrong. I really loved that dog.
Later in her life, Wheatley will become famous in the colonies for writing His Excellency General Washington, a poem about how this leader would keep us safe as a new country and was guided by Columbia, the spirit of America. George Washington loved the poem so much, he bought copies for all of his friends. Sadly, this amazing woman’s life was sad. She married a man who ended up in prison for debt, she had to go back to working as a housemaid, they lost many children, and she died at the age of 31.
I have an addiction to PBS. There. I said it. Now on with the blog.
If you’ve never seen “Miss Scarlet and the Duke”, here’s a quick premise: Miss Scarlet (Kate Phillips) is an Edwardian private detective constantly trying make it in a male driven society. Inspector Wellington aka “the Duke” (Stuart Martin) is a member of Scotland Yard she’s know since youth and therefore acts as antagonist, partner, competition, and love interest all in one.
The pair are investigating a case together of a finical advisor whose death mimics the famous scene in a novel by an author named Samuel Bedborough (yes, this plot again) who also happened to be one of the dead man’s clients. They find Bedborough at a book reading in a small shop run by an obsessive lady who is rather rude to customers, in my opinion. The author is also signing the books and now I’m on a research rampage to find out how early English author started doing mass signings. Seriously, is that historical inaccuracy? If you know, please comment. Thanks.
Back to the story, Bedborough and his sister Anna listen to the accounts of the murder as he is pompous and she is polite. Bedborough boasts that he can write anywhere, at any time, without “the muse” striking.
Screw you, Bedborough! Everyone has their process! Stop being ass! Some of us need youtube playlists and fifteen minutes of cat snuggles before the writing can be successful!
Sorry. Sorry. Back to the episode. The book that the murder came from is about writing. A struggling author murders his two best friends when he goes mad trying to meet a novel deadline. Understandable.
The episode deals in fame, publishing companies, a writer’s tools, a writer’s personality, and depression. I won’t give away the ending, but I will confess you’ll figure out the twist pretty quickly - but maybe not the murderer.
Another stylish film noir directed by Otto Preminger (Laura) with an impressive cast.
This 1953 movie stars Robert Mitchum as Frank, a former racer and sports car aficionado, who is hired as the chauffeur of a rich family by their beautiful adult daughter Diane (Jean Simmons). Howard Hughes produced this which explains Jean Simmons bullet bras and tight sweaters. This drags Frank away from his faithful girl Mary (Mona Freeman) and into a bizarre mystery. There is tension between Diane and her stepmother Catherine (Barbara O’Neil) partially created by the codependency of Diane and her father Charles (Herbert Marshall). All of this escalates into seduction, murder, guilt, sin, and a tense courtroom battle for the truth. You know, usual film noir stuff.
I love film noir, but this blog is about writers so why is it included here? Namely- the relationship between Diane and her father. Charles was a brilliant and famous novelist. He relied on his daughter’s opinion and only showed her his work as it was in progress. The importance of this role is made obvious in how Diane shares her thoughts on how her father stops writing after he marries Catherine. Frank points out how it would be normal for a man to become a lazy when he doesn’t have to work and has a rich wife’s money to live off of. However, Diane is adamant that her father’s genius has been suffocated by his bridge playing bride.
Through most of the movie, you feel like this bothers Diane more than it does Charles, yet there is a small moment where Catherine points out that he used to churn out entire chapters in a day. Charles responds quietly that he used to, yet hadn’t done so since marrying her. Even though he plays the part of the trophy husband, he secretly agrees with his daughter.
The question you need to decide is would Diane be willing to kill in order to save her father’s art and make their lives the way it was before. Dun. Dun. DUN!!!
The Sky is Falling is a 1999 indie film that I saw on TV in high school. I know it wasn’t the greatest movie ever, but I liked it.
The story followed a struggling young writer attempting to sell her story about an elderly woman living out the last day of her life. However, her career is not the only problem in her life as her long-term boyfriend has left, the absentee father she never knew re-appears, and her mother won’t stay out of her business or apartment. She starts to jokingly contemplate ways to end her own life and imagining the plummeting satellite the news has been reporting on will directly hit her. Her only silver lining is her the volunteer work she and her dog do at the hospital. Starring Michelle Pfeiffer’s sister Dedee and a long list of character actors.
The problem is, I can’t find it.
ANYONE KNOW WHERE I CAN FIND IT STREAMING - Please and thank you :-)
Please comment below.
I appreciate it.
Shh I’m sleeping . . .
Hahaha just kidding! I’m at my day job, daydreaming about sleep.
This weekend is Phoenix Fan Fusion - a busy time of crazed self-proclaim geeks braving the Arizona heat in costume to celebrate all of their favorite things.
Therefore, it is only fitting to announce my latest geeky novel!
Set in the famed seaside town featured in Bram Stoker’s novel, Lee is a teenager caught between the vampire hunters of Whitby and the creatures themselves who seek a better fate.
Now you are probably wondering what do vampires, Whitby, and the problems of teens have to do with Edgar Allan Poe? You’ll just have to read the book to find out.
Orders will be announced on this website soon. E-mail us or leave a comment for more information.
I’m rounding out my Poe blogs with a writing related piece of media not about Poe or even featuring a living version of him, but where he is a central character.
If you grew up with me, went to school with me, or met me, you probably know that I’m a huge Addams Family fan. I’ve seen the original series multiple times (but confess to only sitting through the 1970s Halloween special once).
Yes, I have seen most Addams Family incarnations and don’t ask me what I thought about those recent animated films unless you want to see my hair burst into flames. I put off watching Wednesday because 1) I loved Adult Wednesday Addams on Youtube written by and starring Melissa Hunter and how could anyone do it better than that (they can’t), 2) Tim Burton keeps breaking my heart, and 3) I was waiting for my boyfriend because he wanted to watch it too. Still, this is not my giving my opinion of the show. This is me talking about depictions of writers and writing in films and TV. (In case you do want my opinion just message me in the comments).
In this Netflix series, Wednesday is an aspiring author of mystery novels featuring a teenage sleuth in a difficult relationship with her mother. Meanwhile, Wednesday is thrust into a mystery at her new school while feeling like she’s living in her mother’s shadow. Yes. Her therapists points out that her real life connections are pretty obvious.
Poe comes into this as the school’s most famous pupil. The yearly house competition teams are named after his stories and the secret society is hidden behind his statue. However, the poem that helps one to figure out the password did not feel like a work of Poe’s. Just saying.
I did enjoy her sitting with perfect posture on her antique typewriter and using her novel as an excuse to be glad when her roommate was angry with her. She keeps her typed pages in a file box with her initials on it which I confess to being jealous of. However, I am really trying to remember what it was like to be in high school, forced into a social life, hunting for murders, AND having time to write! Oh. To be young.
My childhood love of Christian Bale endures with this murder mystery. Bale plays detective Augustus Landor brought to West Point where he meets a young Edgar Allan Poe (played by Harry Melling of Harry Potter fame - also the grandson of the third Doctor Who Patrick Troughton). Naturally, I read the book this was based upon first which was fantastic. Poe was written exactly how I would have imagined him as a young man struggling to find himself.
I won’t give away the mystery and, as expected, the film is no where near as suspenseful as the book. The fictional story stars with Augustus Landor being called out of retirement to use his powers of detection on an unusual death at the nearby military academy, West Point. A cadet was found hanging from a tree, his heart having been skillfully cut out of his chest. Landor almost instantly attracts the attention of an older cadet by the name of (you guessed it) Edgar Allan Poe. The film does not got into much about how Poe ended up at West Point, but they stay true to how he was depicted in the book - a mix of arrogance and awkwardness.
Poe is already a writer at this point, having published a few poems and building criticism to other books (he makes a sour face when he sees Fenimore Cooper on Landor’s shelf). As the mystery continues, Poe is a realistic young man and artist. He is boastful, yet self-conscious. Talented, yet wasteful of his talent. Fanciful and romantic, yet when faced with grim truths is willing to find a way to deal. He and Landor bond over words, morals, and alcohol.
The woman targeted for Poe’s affection is the sister of one of his classmates, Lea (Lucy Boynton). Her parents (Toby Jones and Gillian Anderson) welcome both Landor and Poe into their home in the midst of the horrors. Poe’s relationship with Lea is more of a flirtation based on two young people who have faced death in their lifetimes. This makes sense to me. I feel like Poe probably was one of those young men who reminded people often that his birth mother and foster mother passed away.
Above all else, this film reminds you that he is a person obsessed with words and it is that obsession with words which unravels the end of the mystery.
I wanted to know what some Poe experts thought of this movie. No one has e-mailed me back yet. Perhaps they didn’t like it as much as I did.
Ug. This thing. I’ve avoided it for so long. Damn it, John Cusack. You used to be cool. Luke Evans better sing randomly in this to make it worth it. Let’s get this over with.
For some reason I give more historical forgiveness to a film written in the 1970s then to a movie written just over a decade ago. Maybe it’s purely because we live in a time where academic research is easy to collect and there are so many movies that don’t even try. This murder mystery pretty much took it’s research from the same sources as that silent movie I watched in one of the earliest of these blogs. They really lean into a lot of old Poe theories, not into more modern biographies. The fake newspapers even use the words “serial killer”. No one could be bothered to even check when the phrase came into existence? Cause their about one hundred and 20 years too early. Then again, the production didn’t even bother to look up whether lead is magnetic so I digress.
Cusack plays Poe as a pretentious and loud drunkard, putting up violent fits in the local pub when denied brandy. He’s all hot air, but no Baltimore accent to make his rants seem semi-charming. Alice Eve is the love interest, a very made-up and very modern woman in looks and behavior who Poe is courting named Emily. Luke Evans plays a standard detective called Fields and yet is the saving grace of this movie.
The plot is the same as the first episode of Castle; a serial killer is dispatching his victims in ways inspired by Poe’s stories. Bodies up chimneys. Pendulums slicing men in half (real-life fellow writer Griswold dies way before his time this way in the movie). And the old standard - burying people alive. Fields wants Poe to assist him in tracking down the madman only to bring Poe’s girlfriend right into the killer’s path. Blah. Blah. Blah. Let’s talk about writing.
The killer insists the Poe the write the details of his crimes or he will not reveal what he’s done with Emily. Of course, this helps break a writer’s block Poe had been suffering. Isn’t that nice of the maniac? The killer proclaims himself a fellow artist and Poe responds , “You’re mad”. Oh come on, Poe. All modern writers know to clear our browser history out of fear of being arrested for what we research for a story. “We’re all mad here.”
Certain important aspects of being a writer of that century are included such as Poe reciting at ladies clubs and fighting with newspapers who underpay him. At one point Poe’s editor states that he criticizes all other writers. Cut to me, blinking at the screen and muttering, “But - But that was one of his jobs. People paid him to be a critic. I - I don’t understand.”
The Raven is pretty dismal! I want to see what Sylvester Stallone would have done with Robert Downey Jr. in the role as Poe, but I don’t think we’ll ever know. Oh, you didn’t know about that. Turns out Stallone is a Poephile who wrote his own biopic, but this movie got picked up by a studio instead. I’m not saying is would have been better than this . . . no, actually. That’s what I’m saying.
What the hell did I find?
First off: Warning - a dog dies in this film.
First, let’s discuss the opening. A man is stabbing out a woman heart in a generic “old timey” bedroom when Edgar Allan Poe runs in just as the man lifts up the still beating organ and declares he’s killed Virginia to get revenge for the House of Usher.
Cut to Ann Hedgerow (Katherine Heigel), a grieving sculptress who recently lost her mother, and Ethan Poe (Jeremy London), a tortured author haunted by their shared ancestors. Ann is the great-great-great granddaughter of the woman murdered at the beginning of the film, another Poe cousin named Emily Hedgerow (not real person to my knowledge). The pair of stars have no chemistry on screen and yet start going out.
Ann comes from a messed up family. Her brother assaulted her and still lusts for her. Her two best friends are John, a struggling deputy investigating a serial killer, and Lisa, a real estate agent (enough said there). Oh and Ann sleeps in the bed where the woman at the beginning was murdered . . . which is apparently an open family secret. I did appreciate that about half of Ann’s clothes hung in my high school closet.
Ethan is obsessive and trying to use Ann as a cure for writer’s block, something the ghost of Poe tries to shame him for. He plays up his “torture” to a point that’s annoying. He engages in drugs, alcohol, and call girls to pass the time. He’s tired of living off the Poe name and dramatically bursts into pretentious rants at the drop of a pen. And for some reason, Ann considers having kids with this dude.
Spoilers ahead!
Ethan is a bit of a creeper in my opinion with cringe-worthy comments. My personal cringe was when Ann says she’s twenty-four and still feels like a child. He responds with, “But not a virgin.” What! What the hell, dude! You just met her! His only really human moment when he didn’t bug the crap out of me is a scene where he yells at at Ann for interrupting him when he’s writing. Then he apologizes and it’s sincere. Of course, his very next moment has him fighting with Poe’s ghost over the ideal of Lenore.
Then it turns out - the creepy guy is a creep! Ethan’s name isn’t Poe, but Usher! His mom, a literary agent, set him up with the fake identity in order to find the last members of the Poe family. He kills or maims most of the key characters, digs up Ann’s mom, and then ties Ann to a bed in order to re-enact the murder from the beginning of the movie. Then John and Lisa come to the rescue and Ann shoots Ethan while shouting, “Nevermore.” Not. Even. Joking. She effing said, “Nevermore” like it was supposed to be a Die Hard-esque Yippe ki ay!
The ending of the movie made no sense at all. Ethan’s mom was still making money off of his books. Ann has dreams about Ethan being buried alive. And the final scene was of her pregnant smiling at a shadowy figure. I have decide this movie is not worth further analysis other than to look at how they depicted Poe.
Poe’s ghost always slurs a bit and his eyes glisten like he’s constantly on the verge of tears. He spends most the film taunting Ethan He’s just a sad and desperate spirit, not much of real person. He gets some moments of anger and redemption, but he mostly just there to be Ethan’s imaginary antagonist.
I will give this screenwriter credit for one thing -they made Ethan writing sound very borrowed from Poe, taking whole phrases and working them into his so-called masterpiece.
