The Death of Poe: Movies about Writing

I’ll keep this one brief. I found an independent film from 2006 by Mark Redfield (an actor, director, and artist) about the mystery surrounding Poe’s death. It’s part documentary, part speculation, but gives a lot of recognition to key figures in Poe’s like his rival Rufus Griswold, his mother-in-law Maria Clemm, and his early girlfriend/fiancee Sarah Elmira Royster.

I won’t give every detail or give away much of the plot. What I will say it the film chronicles the last days of Poe in Baltimore, showing how his mind was addled and how forgetful he was becoming. He’s haunted by conversation with his foster father and Virginia, all while attempting to find investors for an American literary magazine. This is rather frustrating to watch because he keeps telling people how much he already saved up and that it’s with him.

The impressive research is clear, including a part that tries to avoid Poe’s views on slavery. It gives all the anguish and embarrassment of being mildly famous without money.

This movie is most certainly using the theories that Poe was not at fault in his own death showing that he is abstaining from alcohol. It made me curious about the doctor who cared for Poe at the end. He mentions in the movie that he hates thinking of himself as the man who failed to save Edgar Allan Poe.

An Evening of Edgar Allan Poe: Movies about Writing

Last one from the 70s and this one is another bit of cheating.

Imagine Poe lived to be a famous man in his 60s with a beard and chance to go on the stage to recite several of his works. That’s essentially what this 1970 television special did with Vincent Price acting out four different tales alone with sets and costumes. Technically, Price is playing four different characters, not Poe, however it feels like something Poe would’ve done if he’d had the money. He admired Charles Dickens who did something similar with his public appearances. Plus, Poe’s birth mother was an actress. You can’t tell me he didn’t think about taking the stage. Additionally, Price makes you really listen to the words and admire the writing of the man long dead as he recites word for word.

The Spectre of Edgar Allan Poe: Movies about Writing

Let’s stay in the 70s for another installment. The Spectre of Edgar Allan Poe is a 1974 trip. A terrible, terrible trip that would make you swear off all substances forever, even aspirin.

Robert Walker Jr. plays a lackluster Poe who starts the film getting sympathy from Lenore (Mary Grover) about his job as a literary critic. They frolic to take his mind off his agony (Lenore is NOT wearing a corset or bra under her costume and jumped around too much for this movie to ever be taken seriously), however, Lenore collapses. Poe cries out with a bland and rather calm, “Help” and the opening credits are accompanied by a bad 70s rock ballad.

Lenore is declared dead and almost buried alive only to cry out in a last second. She pops out of the casket like a cheap Halloween scare with stark white hair (a.k.a. a ghastly wig even scarier than her performance). Somehow they got Tom Drake (Meet Me in St. Louis) to play Poe’s doctor friend and Cesar Romero (from lots of stuff - look him up) to play the doctor at Lenore’s mental hospital. I did like seeing Carol Ohmart from House on Haunted Hill as Romero’s wife and an adult Marcia Mae Jones from Shirley Temple movies as Sarah, a nurse with practically no lines.

The hospital even more anachronistic than Lenore’s free-range boobs. It’s “humane” facility full of activities to keep the mind busy and a loving, clean environment. Psh. I could go into a history of asylums and how such ideas did exist, but rarely and not in the ways portrayed in the movie. Maybe if I ever do a Ted Talk I’ll just ramble about this topic for fifteen minutes, but believe me when I say - nope. Not happening in Poe’s time and his part of the world. Also, who’s paying for this place? Where’s Lenore’s family?

Fear not those of you bored and wondering why this movie was even made? Here comes the terror. The mild, saw it coming in the first thirty minutes terror. The hospital is not all it seems. The doctor has locked away his brother-in-law in the basement and performs illegal medical experiments on the patients. Dun Dun DUUUUUUNNNN! This revelation is followed up by about seven minutes of Poe being tortured with snakes and knives while his friend wanders through the same shot several times calming saying, “Edgar?”

I won’t give the rest away. I will warn that there’s a torture chamber, madman who makes the same sounds as a dog having rabbit chasing dreams, and a twist . . . I think that’s what it was supposed to be anyway.

Despite Poe fitting in some drinking and long-winded musings, he doesn’t write much in this film other than to chronicle the tragedy of Lenore, a woman who serves as no other character than to be the object of his depression. Even the description he gives of Lenore is flat and more of a fantasy than a woman.

Gas-s-s-s: Movies about Writing

Roger Corman, you beautiful bastard! Only he would produce this 1970 dark comedy about a hippies in an apocalypse. You read every word of that sentence correctly and if you questioned any of you, you need to watch more Roger Corman films.

This movie is just too crazy for me not to go into details so please enjoy these spoiler ahead.

The film opens with crudely animated military personnel declaring their new biological weapon then cuts to a live action chase between a hippie carrying a crossbow and a cop. The hippie, Coel (not a typo), is a bit of a Bugs Bunny character changing into priest robes instantly and throwing off everyone with one-liners like “for your penance [for police brutality] you will teach bicycle safety at the Black Panther Convention in Mobile, Alabama”. Coel meets Cilla, a mistress/assistant of a famous scientist named Dr. Murder who has created a gas that kills anyone over the 25 by speeding up the aging process. The government unleashed the gas on accident and the world is left to be run by people who aren’t even old enough to rent a car. Two factions rise up, the pot-smoking hippies and the academic preppies. And that’s just in the first ten minutes. The alternate title of the movie is Gas! - or- It-Became-Necessary-to-Destroy-the-World-in-Order-to-Save-It so I think you can guess where this is going. Everyone (both factions) decide to just party while everything goes to hell and young fascists take over.

Despite many set-backs, Cilla and Coel stay pretty chipper as they travel the country meeting odd characters and looki- Holy crap! Is that Ben Vereen! Apparently, this was his second film role as Carlos the paranoid revolutionary whose very pregnant and very spacey girlfriend Marissa is a music fanatic - Oh hey! Marissa is Cindy Williams (Shirley from Laverne and Shirley). Also popping up are Bud Cort (from Harold and Maude and M.A.S.H.), Talia Coppola aka Shire (ADRIAN! from Rocky and The Godfather), and Raye Birk (that balding character actor from all the Naked Gun films). Anyway, the six people are in search of a non-violent commune in the New Mexico desert to settle down in.

Everything is sex, drugs, and rock ‘n roll until the group discovers a town terrorized by football players in dune buggies. Primary colored dune buggies - think along the lines of Power Rangers zords. The football players are really rather triggering as they enslave, torture, and assault others while using sports jargon. This is followed by a prepubescent doctor, a very insistent flasher, a group of clueless rapists, lost Texas Ranger, a community of patriotic bikers in golf carts, and a group of Native Americans demanding that while people take Columbus Day back. Oh and God gets involved in the story too.

Why is this movie in this blog? Because the magnificent entity the group keeps meeting on the road none other than Edgar Allan Poe . . . on a motorcycle . . . with a modernly dressed “Lenore” on the back. He warns the group of doom and gloom, using his own stories as analogies for bewaring mankind’s “wickedness”. Oh, and he has a fake raven pinned to his shoulder. Why? Why not! Do not question the Corman!

Tale of a Vampire: Movies about Writing

At the time of writing this blog, Julian Sands went up a mountain in California and never came down. I’m hoping by the time this posts, they’ll have found his remains to give his loved ones closure.

And with that, I present Tale of a Vampire, in which Sands even with all of his magnificent angst cannot save a rather stupid film. Yeah. I’m going to give some opinions on this one and major SPOILER ALERT ahead.

Alex (Sands) is an Anne Rice reject who spends all of his time in a research library. Anne (Suzanna Hamilton from 1984) is the newest employee who looks identical to Alex’s lost love, Virginia. The two instantly have a thing for each other, but Alex is pretty much the most awkward romantic vampire ever so they’re relationship seems doomed from the start. I mean, beyond the whole she’s human and he wants to eat her thing.

Meanwhile, a mysterious man in a hat named Edgar shows up (Kenneth Cranham) and harasses Alex until she finally confronts Alex about his vampirism. Alex confesses quickly, stating that the love of his life, Virginia Clemm, who he met as child (gross) and turned into a vampire upon her deathbed, is still out in the world somewhere being held prisoner by Edgar, her former husband. At the same time, Alex also admits that he’s got the hots for Anne.

To sum up, Edgar kidnaps Anne, explains to Alex that he trapped Virginia in a lead coffin at the bottom of an ocean after he had her turn him into a vampire, and the two battle. Alex kills Edgar (or at least maims him pretty bad, the movie wasn’t clear on the vampire rules in this one). However, Anne is already dead and it’s too late for Alex to turn her. He lays his head on her chest and cries while the poem Annabel Lee is recited by a disembodied Edgar. The end.

No really. That was it. Alex cries over Anne being dead and doesn’t seem to have any intention of trying to find Virginia at the bottom of the sea. I mean, he’s immortal. He could see how far down he could go before pressure destroyed him. Either way, I’m really not sure what the point of this story was. Just to show that it sucks to be a vampire in love? He didn’t even get any.

Also, the Poe angle was odd. This movie is suggesting that when Virginia Clemm was a child, she befriended a grown vampire man, went through puberty with this guy as her “special friend”. She married Edgar, begged Alex to turn her when she was dying, ran off with Alex into a nondescript country setting, turned Edgar for some strange reason, and ended up in a fate worse than death. Oh, and Poe became a psychotic monster who killed for the fun of it (you know instead of just killing for sustenance) and decided to torture his rival with Virginia’s body parts which he’s just been carrying around with him for a century. Yep. This was not a great film. Even all of Sands tormented cries could not save it. I’m not even going to try to analyze this one.

Monkeybone: Movies about Writing

Oh Monkeybone. One of those films you don’t remember exists and then suddenly someone will mention it out of the blue and you’re like “that was a thing”. I did not pay money in theaters for this one, BUT I did watch it on HBO because I was in high school, had a huge crush on Brendan Fraser, and was excited that someone let Henry Selick (of Nightmare Before Christmas) direct a movie again. Also, I recall the trailer had music by The Offspring. Teenage me could not resist The Offspring.

I’m going to keep this one short so I don’t have to hear a lot of trolls hating on the Fraser or this film. This isn’t a critique. It’s just be pointing out how the movie portrays writing and our old friend Edgar Allan Poe (played by Edgar Allan Poe VI - the same actor from that episode of Sabrina the Teenage Witch).

I’m not going to sum up the entire plot, but I will tell you that besides Edgar Allan Poe being present, the story is about a Stu (Fraser). Stu is a cartoonist trapped in a version of his own creation while in a coma. At the same time, his popular character, Monkeybone, has taken control of his body and given it a gross soul patch. The world Stu’s mind exists in also deals in how nightmares and trauma spark creativity, something he learned from his girlfriend played by Bridget Fonda (where has Bridget Fonda been lately? Did she retire or what?)

Stu ends up in a prison cell with “nightmare makers” Attila the Hun, Jack the Ripper, Lizzie Borden, Stephen King (played by himself) and Poe. That’s right. Known killers and few writers. I’m not sure what this film is trying to say exactly, but I would like to add that if I die suddenly, could someone please clear my browser history. King is called a nasty name for a wuss by Poe when he asks for a nightlight.

The other part of this has to do with success as an artist, taking the “selling out” with the positives, and accepting that even some of the worst characters we create are a part of us.

The Secret of Kells: Movies about Writing

Time to break from Poe because it’s St. Patrick’s Day. For some, it’s a time to drink. For others, it’s a time to give thanks for a lack of snakes in Ireland. For me, it’s an excuse to watch Irish movies.

Publishing - the dread of all editors and format gurus the writing world over. The spacing! The indents! The widows and orphans (not literal - it’s a ms word issue)! Well, imagine you are writing a book entirely by hand using ink from specialty ingredients and, oh yea, there’s an ancient Celtic evil after you.

This is the plot of The Secret of Kells, a beautiful animated film that does not get enough credit. The movie is a fictionalized version of how the famous Medieval illuminated manuscript, the Book of Kells, was finally finished. The only part that is really historical is how the book travels to Ireland to escape Viking raids and how Ireland at the time was split between Pagan roots and Christian beliefs.

The main character is Brendan, the nephew of Abbot Cellach (voiced by of course Brendan Gleeson), who is curious about the world outside of the abbey. He is apprenticed to the newly arrived Brother Aidan who has brought the Book of Kells with him after fleeing an attack. The diverse cast of illuminators within the abbey are in complete reverence to Brother Aidan who is a master at their craft. Also, Aidan has a cat named Pangur Ban that the young boy bonds with who is the best character in the story.

Brendan is sent beyond the abbey walls to look for berries to make ink from and is saved from a pack of wolves by a fairy named Aisling. Were there once wolves in Ireland? According to history sites on the internet (and another animated film from this same company) - yes. See, kids. This is totally educational.

Aisling tells him to beware of Crom Cuach, which in this film is a dark god of death and fear. I think in reality he was a chieftain god and had something to do with agriculture, but I need to brush up on my Irish mythology. I do know that according the story of St. Patrick, Crom Cuach was defeated by the famous bishops along with all of those “snakes”.

Tangent over. Brendan discovers that Crom has the eye of Colm Cille, a magnifying crystal used to create some of the greatest manuscripts. This is based on the stories of St. Columcille of Iona, an descendant of Irish kings turned priest who famously preserved the history of some really famous battles. The film does not mention that this guy was a military historian, just that Brendan should want to be as great of an illustrator as he was.
The fight for the “eye” coincides with a viking raid on the abbey. Brendan’s ultimate goal becomes protecting and training to finish the book. SPOILER ALERT: He spends his growing year traveling through Ireland and showing the book to people in order to give them hope.

If I had seen this as a little kid, I probably would’ve been upset that Aisling does not appear to Brendan in the same way when he’s an adult. But it makes total sense. He’s a monk, representative of a belief system that’s left her behind. And when he was a child, he still somewhere between the worlds of magic and reality. She’s a little bit like an imaginary friend in that sense. He knew she was real and there but knows she can’t be there for him in his adult life.

Besides being about how the book is the tome which “turned dark into light”, the movie is about both how stories are passed down and how much went into one of these illuminated manuscripts. I liked that Brother Aiden chose Brendan to finish the book because he saw the world with imagination and held onto his child-like wonder. Also, that we should all have a kitty cat to protect precious books.

The Man with a Cloak: Movies about Writing (Copy)

Wait - a movie about Poe involving Joseph Cotten, Barbara Stanwyck, and Leslie Caron! Where has this been my whole childhood?! Well, no wonder because this was difficult to find online which is whey I accidentally posted it once without actually having watched it.

The story begins with a man calling himself Dupin (Joseph Cotten) acting mysterious and broody while drinking in a tavern. I love Poe’s mystery stories so this made me happy right away. Enter the young maiden, Madeline Minot (Leslie Caron) looking for her boyfriend’s grandfather to beg him for money towards saving the French republic. Turns out Grandpa Thevenet (Louis Calhern) is a drunken cad who lives with three servants trying to kill him for his money. The fabulous Barbara Stanwyck plays housekeeper Lorna Bounty, the leader of the group who see this young woman as a threat to their inheritance. She is awkwardly dubbed for a random singing performance, but other than that Stanwyck plays a woman both sympathetic and conniving.

Despite grandpa being a curmudgeon who holds onto the days of Napoleon, he’s not an idiot and suspects what the staff is up to. His own life does not seem to concern him, but he instantly takes a liking to Madeline and warns her of what the small household might try to do. Madeline asks Dupin to help her save the old man’s life by proving that the staff are trying to kill him. Despite the grandfather’s faults, Madeline honestly wants to save his life both because she is fond of the awful fellow and because she knows her boyfriend would want her to.

Lorna is immediately attracted to Dupin (shaw! he’s Joseph Cotten) when he comes to the house looking for Madeline. He also randomly reads from a book of poetry he finds in the house. What poem you may ask? Should I tell you? Nevermore.

Grandpa does have a pet raven named after a famous French poet Villon, played by Jimmy the Crow, a famous animal actor with 28 IMDB credits. He has a part to play in the mystery and one of the twists to the ending.

Dupin always has a drink in his hand and acts philosophical about various topics like time, money, and other things getting his way. Still, he is blunt and admires Madeline not out of sheer appreciation of her beauty, but of her ideals. He has a good line which describes her as “courageous as she is foolish. This comes from a faith in life, Thevenet, something you and I both lack. A dream which is not for sale and never can be locked away”.

Spoiler alert: Dupin turns out to be Edgar Allan Poe himself, waiting in town while writing Annabel Lee and owing money to everyone.

Twixt: Movies about Writing

I feel like Francis Ford Coppola is such a crap-shoot of a director. There’s chances you’ll get THE GODFATHER, one of the best pieces of cinema of all time, and chances you’ll get. . . whatever Twixt was. I feel like he was trying to be David Lynch, but put too much story in for that.

The awkward opening of the film really spoke to me. Val Kilmer (as horror writer Hall Baltimore) comes to a small town for an event only to find there’s no bookstore. All this is narrated by Tom Waits because . . . why not, I guess. The author sits just inside the hardware store with a “$19.99 Sale” sign pointing at his head as he tries to peddle his wares to people who won’t make eye contact. I feel ya, poorly named author Hall Baltimore, I feel ya. Also, super jealous of the portable writing desk and chair which fold down into a briefcase sized carrier.

The local sheriff (Bruce Dern) turns out to be a fan and wants Baltimore to collaborate with him on a book about a series of murders currently plaguing the town. While trying to avoid the morbid sheriff, Baltimore discovers that Edgar Allan Poe (played by Ben Chaplin) once stayed at the run-down hotel, so he pours out alcohol in dedication to the horror writer who came before. (Also, do you get it? The main character is named Baltimore and he’s in a town famous for Poe staying there one night. Huh. Huh).

Baltimore experiences strange dreams while in the town of a strange girl (Elle Fanning), child abuse, murder, and a lot of gray light filters. Within these dreams, Poe appears to guide Baltimore to safety. The girl’s name is Virginia which I’m sure is another Poe reference. Poe in this is depicted as a wise mentor who knows he’s famous (wise not so sure, but I’m pretty sure Poe acted a tad conceited) and he offered Baltimore writing advice. I confess, I kinda liked this part with the pontificating author talking about “The Raven” like it was a deeper philosophical problem than just a poem.

Poe uses his own love for the wife he lost, Virginia Clemm, to explain the obsession of beauty mixed with death (while Baltimore is watching someone being walled up alive). I really struggled to see what Poe’s words had to do with the Virginia of the film being abused and somehow existing in two different times as well as to Baltimore’s grief over his own daughter’s death. Then you get to the end and you shout at the screen, “Really?!”

I found it really strange that Joanne Whalley (actress and Kilmer’s ex-wife) had a cameo. Yes, I found that stranger than the movie itself because I was too busy counting plot holes. The part where Kilmer is talking to himself as he writes didn’t really feel authentic. It felt like an author riffing in front of a mirror before having to host a celebrity roast. I don’t blame Kilmer for this. I’m choosing to be annoyed with Francis Ford Coppola. This was clearly just a re-enactment of himself trying to write this over-complicated script.

Poe Rant

The other day I was a taking a tiptoe through the addictive tulips known as social media and I saw a meme like this:

I instantly knew this was not Poe. By looking through the comments I found a mix of people stating their love for Poe without realizing that he never said this and people who revealed the true author - a contemporary poet named Sade Andria Zabala.

How must this poet feel knowing that this quote is credited to an man long dead? And why do people keep sharing it? Comments state that it is incorrect and people know the true author yet the meme sits there, forever in the void known as the internet. WHY? JUST WHY?

Rant over.

The Raven (1935): Movies about Writing

Have I mentioned before my adoration of Boris Karloff? What? That creeps you out? Psh. Fine. Still gonna talk about him.

The 1930s were a big decade for horror especially for Universal Studios. They slapped together many films that featured their star monsters like Karloff and Bela Lugosi. This one is one of the better ones where Lugosi plays Dr. Vollin, a celebrated neurosurgeon called upon to save a judge’s adult daughter after a car accident. Jean, the daughter, survives and Dr. Vollin become friends with her and her fiancee Jerry. All of his care and attention is a thin mask of his true intentions - an obsession with Jean. Meanwhile, Vollin is begged for help from a murderer and bank robber, Bateman (Karloff), who wants a new face and a second chance without violence.

What no one is taking into account is that Vollin is a Poe fanatic - attempting to fill a home collection with all sorts of artifacts. He fills his basement with the torture devices from Poe’s most notable horror tales. This is not a man who wants to help Bateman and give up a woman he wants. Vollin partially destroys Bateman’s face, stating that he will only fix it if the criminal will do his evil bidding (this is a really cool scene where Karloff shoots a series of mirrors while Lugosi laughs).

The doctor tells the story of Poe through the fiction not the true man. To him, Poe was an genius driven mad by a love he could never have - the love of Lenore. And this lost love tortured the author until he wrote about torture. Boy. This doctor gives Poe more credit than I would.

Poe is never actually in the movie, but he is central to the plot and there is an actor playing him in a dance sequence. The actor recites the raven as Jean dances in flowing veils. The scene is meant to capture the grief and more notably the obsessive behavior of both Poe and Dr. Villon. The dance is called “the Spirit of Poe”.

I’m not going to give away the ending, but I’ll just tell you that there’s a pit, there’s a pendulum, and a lot more crazy laughing. And the doctor declares that he is getting revenge on behalf of Poe!

Dickens of London (Nightmare): Movies about Writing

I cheated. I did not want to watch this entire program right now . . . because it is thirteen episodes of low quality BBC programing . . . so I only watched the Poe episode. I’ll try to go back and watch the whole show someday, maybe. If I have thirteen hours to spare.

Here we go. Episode eleven of the 1970s British mini-series opens with jaunty nineteenth century music and the word “Nightmare” in a lovely cursive. Yes, I’m really feeling the nightmare now. Good job, production team. Dickens is telling the story of his first trip to the United States (he famously hated the U.S. and the episode really leans into the idea that his wife being ill on the trip effected his mood). A hysterical Catherine Dickens declares she’s sick of her husband’s crusade to create international copyright laws and (this one is gross) that he should stop pointing out that American slavery steals more money from the English than from “the Black man”. Really, Charlie? Really. I knew Poe was a racist raced around Antebellum Southern values (I never said I thought he was good many, just a good writer), but you Dickens! You’re my progressive writer hero. At least I still have Louisa May Alcott. No one tell me anything bad about her!

Anyway, he uses mesmerism on Catherine in order to put her to sleep and to the lobby of their hotel where a short story writer and critic awaits an audience. Why look at that! It’s Edgar Allan Poe! Being played by a man who looks too old to play him (I’m starting to notice that’s really a common problem movies). Poe declares how grand Dickens work on copyright has been and then fanboys a great deal over Barnaby Rudge (for those of you who don’t know, Barnaby Rudge is the book with a pet raven named Grip as one of the key characters, based on Dickens’s own pet). Poe for his part tries to abstain from drink, but Dickens insists. I like this idea of Poe trying to keep his cool in front of his hero, but he caves super quick to a single glass of wine.

Next scene has the pair of famous writers stumbling in the streets playing some kind of game that sort of reminded me of when my childhood friends and I would play Charlie’s Angels (this game consisted of running from building corner to building corner with our hands up in a gun position). Still, the party is over when Dickens witnesses a moment of Poe melancholy when the slightly older man craves approval of his poetry.

Poe invites Dickens to witness a mesmerism experiment which is just the short story “The Facts in the Case of M. Valdemar” played out. A previously uncomfortable and giddy Poe turns into a devious monster more fascinated with the torture of Valdemar’s soul than how you would imagine the author to be in reality. There’s maniacal laughter and everything. I’m . . . I’m really not sure what I was supposed to take away from this? Suggestions?


Time Squad (Every Poe has a Silver Lining): Movies about Writing

Remember Time Squad? No? That’s okay I barely remember it myself. I know it came out when I was in high school and I was more interested in Powerpuff Girls, Daria, and the Justice League cartoon (did you ever watch the Justice League cartoon? It was soooo gooooodddd). Tangent over.

Anyway, this was a short lived series about three time cops, Otto Osworth (Pamela Adlon), Buck Tuddrussel (Rob Paulsen), and the robot Larry 3000 (Mark Hamill) who are supposed to fix mistakes in the timeline. They are summoned back to 1845 and visit Edgar Allan Poe (Paul Greenberg) who has become a lavender suited fancy man with a collection of stuffed animals and a garden full of tacky statues. The team is appalled when they hear this Poe’s verse about a bear returning his fanny pack (hehe fanny).

The Time Squad takes Poe to a series of depressing places in hopes of bringing him back to his dark and sinister works. Instead, the happy-go-lucky man passes out party hats, dresses as a clown, and takes advice from greeting cards one assumes he wrote himself. Side note: Best joke comes when he changes into his clown costume behind the curtain of an invalid man.

Spoiler alert: The mission is finally accomplished when Poe’s baking skills are criticized. He goes postal, becomes a depressed shell of a man, and the Time Squad finds their victory hollow. Although this whole concept makes for a darkly funny cartoon, when you think about it, it’s truly awful. They broke a man trying to get his metal health in order. I don’t . . . I don’t have a joke for that.

The Tell-Tale Heart: Movies about Writing

“To those who are squeamish or react nervously to shock, we suggest that when you hear this sound . . . [heart beating] close your eyes and do not look at the screen again until it stops.”

Oh 1960, you magnificent bastard of horrible film making. Start your film with a warning. That will surely improve it. This is another low budget British horror (classic Doctor Who was my childhood babysitter so sometimes I forget to realize just how terrible the production value on some of these films really is) loosely based on Poe’s short story, but also briefly reflecting on the man himself.

The film opens with Edgar having a nightmare that causes him to lash out and scream. A housekeeper and a man named Carl come in, give him some drug he sticks up his nose (yep- snuff will cure it), and leave him alone to hang his head mournfully over a desk. There is a weird cut to Edgar then going to a bar, being tempted by a saucy wench, and going home to look at tastefully naughty photos. Apparently, he wrestles with some issues of a carnal nature, but before he can do anything that could make God cry, Edgar becomes infatuated with a beautiful woman who moves into the neighborhood. This leads to obsession, a lot of pervy spying, non-consensual hugging, a love triangle, scandalous displays of public affection, a cameo by Rue Morgue, a murder most fowl, and the usual beating of the hideous heart expected from this title.

SPOILER ALERT:

You might be wondering, is Edgar our beloved writer? Yes and no. At the beginning of the film, the housekeeper calls him Mr. Poe. Despite the subtitles on my TV continually calling him Poe, the rest of the characters call him Mr. Marsh and he awkwardly introduces himself to the woman as Marsh. Why is this? Bad editing? Well, yes this film is not well edited, but in this case the name change was intentional.

You see, it wall a dream! Carl comes in a second time, wakes up Poe in a house that is far too nice to belong to that struggling writer, and the real Edgar sees the same woman his dream self was obsessed with. Oh no! That was a sarcastic oh no, by the way.

Torture Garden: Movies about Writing

It’s Poe birthday!

Only Britain would rip off it’s own stuff. In this case, a production company, one of many, is copying Hammer Horror complete with a role for Peter Cushing. However, this film goes the Italian route of horror anthology so of the four stories I’m only going to focus on the one about Poe. By the way, just so I don’t ruin my own reputation as a bad horror film aficionado, I want to make it clear that I sit through the entire film. There’s killer kitty and it’s super cute.

The entire framing story is a group of people at a carnival are drawn into see their fate by Burgess Meredeth dressed like a Faustian gentleman devil. Each person witnesses possible terrors that could take place within their own lives, each one pushed too hard by a desire.

Jack Palance (who I always first think of as the crime boss from Tim Burton’s Batman - uh oh, my age is showing) sees a vision of himself being allowed to view one of the greatest Poe collections in the world belonging to Peter Cushing’s character. The scene where they passed around a first volume of poetry made me uncomfortable. Put on gloves! The oils in your hands are ruining them! Right, right. These are prop books. Not real first editions. I’m fine.

HOLY CRAP! Then they are smoking pipes and waving candlesticks over hundred year old manuscripts! These are the worst collectors of academia I’ve ever seen! Sorry. Sorry. I’m fine.

Some things I really liked in this segment were how the pair of fanatics gush over how Poe was a great writer of “fantasy”. They discuss his obsession with death, but still don’t call him a horror writer. Technically, Poe’s poems and most of his other stories besides the most famous ones are more in the realm of low fantasy or detective stories. The two men also point out that he played the flute (which I didn’t know, but according to several sources I found such as the Poe Society of Baltimore is totally true).

SPOILER ALERT:

Cushing, so impressed with Palance’s knowledge and shared obsession, agrees to show him the most valued part of his family’s Poe collection, items his father and grandfather gathered for decades. When Palance accuses Cushing of fabricating some of the original manuscripts since they are written on modern paper, Cushing finally reveals that his grandfather didn’t just collect Poe’s stuff, he collect the man himself. Turns out, he brought poor Poe back to life and the family kept him locked up in a basement surrounded by decor from a Spirit Halloween store. This Poe (played by B actor Hedger Wallace) is spooky, cryptic, and covered in dust. I find this simply rude. If you bring a guy back from the dead, at least clear the cobwebs off him every once in a while.

Altered Carbon (Out of the Past): Movies about Writing

I confess to never having watched Altered Carbon before. My boyfriend watched the first season then never went back and watched the second season. I decided to just start from the beginning with the first episode. Whose up for some cyberpunk?

In the 2300s, the consciousness of people can be transferred between bodies. James Purefoy plays billionaire who brings a specialist mercenary solider named Takeshi Kovacs back to life in a new body (Joel Kinnaman) in order to find out who murdered his previous rich guy body. The show is about how the solider (who was previously Japanese so the body switching seems kinda rude) adjusts to the future he’s woken up to. Meanwhile, a police investigator named Kristen Ortega (Martha Higareda) has a vendetta against Purefoy. Oh hey, Angelica Schuyler!

Poe is played by Chris Connor. Oh wait, you want to know why Edgar Allen Poe is in the year 2384? He’s an AI who is fashioned to look and somewhat behave as the Poe who died in the 1800s (including a gambling problem which I understand comes up in other episodes).

In the first episode, Poe is introduced at the proprietor of the Raven Hotel who over uses words like bleak. Still, they attempt to give him poetic flare. However, his AI personality makes him possessive and protective of Kovacs to the point of taking out a bunch of bad guys with a shotgun. I know Poe was in the military briefly, but I will never believe he was that good of a shot.

Man Who Came to Dinner: Movies about Writing

What is one of the greatest Christmas movies that’s not actually about Christmas? No, not Die Hard, but that’s in the top five. No! Not Gremlins! Gremlins is super about Christmas! The Mogwi was a present for Pete’s sake!

Nope, I’m talking about one of the early non-Christmas Christmas films The Man Who Came to Dinner, a tale of wit and grumpy celebrity. Monty Woolley plays Sheridan Whiteside, a radio personality and writer known for his intellect and biting remarks. Bette Davis is cast in one of her few comedic roles as his secretary Maggie Cutler, one of the only human beings who can put up with him because she gives back all the insults he gives. Sherry (as his close friends call him) is having dinner with a prominent family in a small town as a favor to a friend when he slips on ice and damages his hip. Stuck at the home of what he considers his inferiors, wheelchair-bound Sherry starts to turn the wealthy household upside down. Meanwhile, Maggie starts to live her own life for the first time by dating local newspaper man Bert Jefferson (Richard Travis). The cast also includes Grant Mitchell and Billie Burke as the rich homeowners stuck with Whiteside’s winning personality, Mary Wickes as a frazzled nurse, Ann Sheridan as a diva movie star named Loraine who Maggie despises, Reginald Gardiner as a charming member of the Hollywood set named Beverly (yes, he is a man named Beverly), and Jimmy Durante as Banjo - a Goucho Marx parody.

There is so much I could gush about this film - how Sherry’s friends include Chruchill and Eleanor Roosevelt, the penguins and octopus he receives for Christmas, the murderers and Japanese businessmen he invites to this house that is not his, and the many fantastic insults he gives. The writing in this is brilliant in order to match with the main character’s inspiration - Alexander Woollcott. Look him up. He’s a very interesting historical personality and writer. However, this is a blog about writing so let’s talk about writing.

Since Whiteside is a famous wordsmith, one of the very first things that happens is his doctor presents him with a stack of papers as thick as a cinder block and asks him to read through it. This is, of course, the doctor’s memoirs which Sherry pretends to be interested in so the doctor will do as he asks. The bigger writer who presents himself to Sherry is Bert. He is willing to enter a battle of wits in order to get the interview he needs for his paper. Mostly this comes down to Sherry tricking him out of money here and there. When Bert starts dating Maggie, he lets her read a play he’s been working on. He, himself, does not bring the play to Sherry’s attention, but Maggie does as the same time as announcing that she’s quitting in order to peruse a life with Bert.

The play is described as being quite good, however, Sherry is terrified of change and does not want Maggie to quit. Therefore, he uses this good work of writing in order to destroy all of her hopes. Yep, this is a comedy. I won’t give the whole thing away and notice that I’m not using any quotes from the film this time because you should really experience it for yourself. I will say that Hollywood caricatures who come in and out of the story provide ample shenanigans to fix everything. The point I am trying to make is that Bert’s play is of a standard that Sherry is able to use it in order to create absolute chaos.

And isn’t that the true spirit of the holiday season - chaos.

Doctor Who (The Return of Doctor Mysterio): Movies about Writing

Here’s a short blog on a Doctor Who episode from the Capaldi years. Have I mentioned that I love Capaldi as Doctor Who? He’s so delightfully grumpy.

The Christmas Special entitled “The Return of Doctor Mysterio” is actually about a man who has a computerized gem stone in his stomach that’s been giving him super powers since he was eight years old. Oh, and it was somewhat the Doctor’s fault. The superhero, known as the “Ghost” has the mild mannered day job of being the nanny for Lucy, someone he’s been in love with since elementary school. Oh! And there are invading aliens taking human bodies in full body snatchers style. The Doctor and the Ghost fight the baddies. Yaddy yaddy.

And yes, this is still a Christmas episode. He becomes a superhero at Christmas so it totally counts.

The part I am focusing on here is Lucy’s job as a reporter. She’s an investigative journalist in the standard Lois Lane format to fit with the storyline. Still, her job as a writer adds little touches to her character. There’s the usual “do anything for the story” that comes with being a journalist in television or in films. Yet, the episode includes subtle parts of being a writer such as the taking little notes, using people watching to one’s advantage, and keeping an eye on other news sources. My favorite scene is how she interrogates the Doctor using a squeaky toy, but puts the torture on hold in order to type up some of her story from that night.

And she learns from the Doctor that when sneaking around you should always pack a snack.