The Hollywood Writer's Strike

[Clears throat] Beg, pardon. I must rant.

I don’t have to justify why I support this strike, but for those of you not in the know - writers only get paid when they have regular work despite being professionals. So many used to live on residual checks between jobs. They live in California and New York, where living costs can be painfully high. Most importantly - the CEOs who refuse to pay them more make a disgusting amount of money.

I recently watched a film called Solid Gold Cadillac which opened with stockholder Judy Holiday asking the heads of the company she invested in a simple “why”. Why do they make so much money when they work fewer hours. This is in 1956 when she asks this question and yet we still do not have answer.

It infuriates me that these bigwigs think they can just wait out the strike. It also infuriates me that many people online seem to think they can scab and take these writers’ jobs. Or are simply complaining that Hollywood elite are being “greedy”. Unions the reason we have safety precautions at work. Unions are why there’s less child labor (yes, I say less, there’s still under the table child labor in the U.S.). And (here’s a big one) unions are why we have FORTY HOUR WORK WEEK AVERAGE AND A WEEKEND! Yes, some unions are corrupt, however, overall they fight to the betterment of their working conditions. Also, the Nanny wants your help! None of us watched her last show. We owe her this.

How do we support? First off, don’t be scab. Writers should support writers. Check the online for what work you can do that does not upset the strike.

Second, you sign a petition stating your support at: https://www.wgacontract2023.org/take-action/stand-with-writers

And lastly, if you have money to spare you can donate to their fund which keeps people from going hungry or losing their homes while on strike. https://secure2.convio.net/afa/site/Donation2;jsessionid=00000000.app20013a?df_id=2857&2857.donation=form1&mfc_pref=T&NONCE_TOKEN=F991A2FD89178FAF65945424FBC6FC3B

And don’t forget, there’s plenty of online content we’ve all meant to watch, but fallen behind on while we wait for them to win. Rant done. Thanks.

Bob's Burgers (Mother Author Laser Pointer): Movies about Writing

Let’s do a short TV show blog (because it’s hot outside).

If you don’t know, Bob’s Burgers is a delightful adult cartoon about a man named Bob who runs a struggling burger restaurant with his family in a seaside town full of eccentrics.

I want to live in the small town where this animated television show takes place. Why is this not a real place? This is one of the great tragedies of my life. But this episode isn’t.

The owners of the little burger serving diner get an unexpected customer when her car breaks down. Linda greets the lady and asks who is. The woman pulls a manuscript out of her bag (held together with a binder clip - a piece of reality in cartoon form) and realized the customer calling herself Bea Cromwell is the author of a children’s chapter book Linda and Bob read repeatedly to their kids years early.

Linda is instantly sucked back into a perfect nostalgia cloud where her three children, Tina, Gene, and Louise, are still small enough to be snuggled between her and Bob in bed. This throws Linda in a full psychotic break and demands to know why Bea no longer writes “Snail and Newt” books for children anymore. Although Bea calmly tries to explain that she stopped writing for kids when her own kids got older, switching to crime thrillers for adult readers, Linda becomes obsessed. She convinces herself that children can never grow up and leave if their favorite childhood things keep going.

Spoiler Alert:

So . . . Linda hassles, badgers, and full on attacks Bea with suggestions for new Snail and Newt book. I mean, really scary stuff. She actually causes the author’s tow-truck to leave and makes the woman feel unsafe. Really unsafe. Wants the cops called and runs-into-the-mortuary-next-door-to-hide- unsafe. Nevertheless, I think the writer is missing a good point. Yes, Linda goes overboard and becomes a frightening stalker. BUT she did it out of love of the book Bea wrote and how that book was beloved of her entire family. And Bea doesn’t even offer to sign it!

Liberty's Kids (Boston Tea Party): Movies about Writing

Oh PBS, you know how to draw me in. Liberty’s Kids was a television series explaining key events of the American Revolution from the point-of-view of three child reporters for Ben Franklin (Walter Cronkite not long before his passing). I should hang my head in shame that I was watching this as a Freshman in college, but meh. I have no shame. Okay, I am a little ashamed that I know the words to the theme song - even the rap part.

The main characters James (a patriot), Sarah (a British loyalist), and Henri (a French orphan) all meet in this episode in the midst of tension in the colonies. Watching this with more knowledge of the Founding Fathers had me a tad edgier than I thought. For example, there is a part with Sarah’s mother riding alone in a carriage with Benjamin Franklin. Get out of there, lady! Don’t you know he has a thing for married women! Don’t let the Cronkite voice fool you! I mean, kids’ show. No inappropriate behavior exists in this version of Franklin. All is clean. All is fine. Twitch.

That’s all well and good, however what I want to talk about is the presence of Phillis Wheatley as a character. The episode is about the Sons of Liberty protesting the Tea Act in the manner we have all learned about in school. In the midst of the chaos, Sarah, Henri, and James all meet as Sarah was on board and Moses (Franklin’s printing assistant and reporter) was sent to find her. Moses takes the three children to Phillis Wheatley’s house to hide while soldiers search for the rebels. I appreciate that the cartoon states how Moses does not know Wheatley personally, only by reputation as a poet (PBS wanted to show that they were aware that not “all Black people know each other”).

Phillis tells the children her story of being a slave kidnapped from [unnamed specific place] Africa and sold to a family which ended up teaching her read and write. It doesn’t mention that she learned English in just two years (this woman was extraordinarily intelligent and most Americans don’t know her name!). Wheatley explains how the family who owns her has not set her free, yet are using her as an example of why African Americans should be free. Huh? I - I - What now? Sarah seems to catch the contradiction and demands to know why slavery is thriving in the colonies. She isn’t surprised to find out that Wheatley’s work sells better in England than in Boston or New York. Also, I’m fairly certain the Wheatleys had legally freed Phillis by 1773.

Anyway, only one measly piece of Phillis Wheatley poetry is quoted. “Muse! where shall I begin the spacious feild. To tell what curses unbeleif doth yeild?”. That’s it! And they don’t even give the context of the line. It’s the opening of An Address to the Atheist, a poem using imagery from Roman and Greek mythology to convince people to sill have faith in God. Oh and she wrote it when she was 14! At 14 I was still writing poetry about my dog! Don’t get me wrong. I really loved that dog.

Later in her life, Wheatley will become famous in the colonies for writing His Excellency General Washington, a poem about how this leader would keep us safe as a new country and was guided by Columbia, the spirit of America. George Washington loved the poem so much, he bought copies for all of his friends. Sadly, this amazing woman’s life was sad. She married a man who ended up in prison for debt, she had to go back to working as a housemaid, they lost many children, and she died at the age of 31.

Miss Scarlet and the Duke (Quarter to Midnight): Movies about Writing

I have an addiction to PBS. There. I said it. Now on with the blog.

If you’ve never seen “Miss Scarlet and the Duke”, here’s a quick premise: Miss Scarlet (Kate Phillips) is an Edwardian private detective constantly trying make it in a male driven society. Inspector Wellington aka “the Duke” (Stuart Martin) is a member of Scotland Yard she’s know since youth and therefore acts as antagonist, partner, competition, and love interest all in one.

The pair are investigating a case together of a finical advisor whose death mimics the famous scene in a novel by an author named Samuel Bedborough (yes, this plot again) who also happened to be one of the dead man’s clients. They find Bedborough at a book reading in a small shop run by an obsessive lady who is rather rude to customers, in my opinion. The author is also signing the books and now I’m on a research rampage to find out how early English author started doing mass signings. Seriously, is that historical inaccuracy? If you know, please comment. Thanks.

Back to the story, Bedborough and his sister Anna listen to the accounts of the murder as he is pompous and she is polite. Bedborough boasts that he can write anywhere, at any time, without “the muse” striking.

Screw you, Bedborough! Everyone has their process! Stop being ass! Some of us need youtube playlists and fifteen minutes of cat snuggles before the writing can be successful!

Sorry. Sorry. Back to the episode. The book that the murder came from is about writing. A struggling author murders his two best friends when he goes mad trying to meet a novel deadline. Understandable.

The episode deals in fame, publishing companies, a writer’s tools, a writer’s personality, and depression. I won’t give away the ending, but I will confess you’ll figure out the twist pretty quickly - but maybe not the murderer.

Angel Face: Movies about Writing

Another stylish film noir directed by Otto Preminger (Laura) with an impressive cast.

This 1953 movie stars Robert Mitchum as Frank, a former racer and sports car aficionado, who is hired as the chauffeur of a rich family by their beautiful adult daughter Diane (Jean Simmons). Howard Hughes produced this which explains Jean Simmons bullet bras and tight sweaters. This drags Frank away from his faithful girl Mary (Mona Freeman) and into a bizarre mystery. There is tension between Diane and her stepmother Catherine (Barbara O’Neil) partially created by the codependency of Diane and her father Charles (Herbert Marshall). All of this escalates into seduction, murder, guilt, sin, and a tense courtroom battle for the truth. You know, usual film noir stuff.

I love film noir, but this blog is about writers so why is it included here? Namely- the relationship between Diane and her father. Charles was a brilliant and famous novelist. He relied on his daughter’s opinion and only showed her his work as it was in progress. The importance of this role is made obvious in how Diane shares her thoughts on how her father stops writing after he marries Catherine. Frank points out how it would be normal for a man to become a lazy when he doesn’t have to work and has a rich wife’s money to live off of. However, Diane is adamant that her father’s genius has been suffocated by his bridge playing bride.

Through most of the movie, you feel like this bothers Diane more than it does Charles, yet there is a small moment where Catherine points out that he used to churn out entire chapters in a day. Charles responds quietly that he used to, yet hadn’t done so since marrying her. Even though he plays the part of the trophy husband, he secretly agrees with his daughter.

The question you need to decide is would Diane be willing to kill in order to save her father’s art and make their lives the way it was before. Dun. Dun. DUN!!!

The Sky is Falling: Movies about Writing Request

The Sky is Falling is a 1999 indie film that I saw on TV in high school. I know it wasn’t the greatest movie ever, but I liked it.

The story followed a struggling young writer attempting to sell her story about an elderly woman living out the last day of her life. However, her career is not the only problem in her life as her long-term boyfriend has left, the absentee father she never knew re-appears, and her mother won’t stay out of her business or apartment. She starts to jokingly contemplate ways to end her own life and imagining the plummeting satellite the news has been reporting on will directly hit her. Her only silver lining is her the volunteer work she and her dog do at the hospital. Starring Michelle Pfeiffer’s sister Dedee and a long list of character actors.

The problem is, I can’t find it.

ANYONE KNOW WHERE I CAN FIND IT STREAMING - Please and thank you :-)

Please comment below.

I appreciate it.

Post-con hybernation

Shh I’m sleeping . . .

Hahaha just kidding! I’m at my day job, daydreaming about sleep.

Reason for all this Poe. . .

This weekend is Phoenix Fan Fusion - a busy time of crazed self-proclaim geeks braving the Arizona heat in costume to celebrate all of their favorite things.

Therefore, it is only fitting to announce my latest geeky novel!

Set in the famed seaside town featured in Bram Stoker’s novel, Lee is a teenager caught between the vampire hunters of Whitby and the creatures themselves who seek a better fate.

Now you are probably wondering what do vampires, Whitby, and the problems of teens have to do with Edgar Allan Poe? You’ll just have to read the book to find out.

Orders will be announced on this website soon. E-mail us or leave a comment for more information.

Wednesday: Movies about Writing

I’m rounding out my Poe blogs with a writing related piece of media not about Poe or even featuring a living version of him, but where he is a central character.

If you grew up with me, went to school with me, or met me, you probably know that I’m a huge Addams Family fan. I’ve seen the original series multiple times (but confess to only sitting through the 1970s Halloween special once).

Yes, I have seen most Addams Family incarnations and don’t ask me what I thought about those recent animated films unless you want to see my hair burst into flames. I put off watching Wednesday because 1) I loved Adult Wednesday Addams on Youtube written by and starring Melissa Hunter and how could anyone do it better than that (they can’t), 2) Tim Burton keeps breaking my heart, and 3) I was waiting for my boyfriend because he wanted to watch it too. Still, this is not my giving my opinion of the show. This is me talking about depictions of writers and writing in films and TV. (In case you do want my opinion just message me in the comments).

In this Netflix series, Wednesday is an aspiring author of mystery novels featuring a teenage sleuth in a difficult relationship with her mother. Meanwhile, Wednesday is thrust into a mystery at her new school while feeling like she’s living in her mother’s shadow. Yes. Her therapists points out that her real life connections are pretty obvious.

Poe comes into this as the school’s most famous pupil. The yearly house competition teams are named after his stories and the secret society is hidden behind his statue. However, the poem that helps one to figure out the password did not feel like a work of Poe’s. Just saying.

I did enjoy her sitting with perfect posture on her antique typewriter and using her novel as an excuse to be glad when her roommate was angry with her. She keeps her typed pages in a file box with her initials on it which I confess to being jealous of. However, I am really trying to remember what it was like to be in high school, forced into a social life, hunting for murders, AND having time to write! Oh. To be young.

The Pale Blue Eye

My childhood love of Christian Bale endures with this murder mystery. Bale plays detective Augustus Landor brought to West Point where he meets a young Edgar Allan Poe (played by Harry Melling of Harry Potter fame - also the grandson of the third Doctor Who Patrick Troughton). Naturally, I read the book this was based upon first which was fantastic. Poe was written exactly how I would have imagined him as a young man struggling to find himself.

I won’t give away the mystery and, as expected, the film is no where near as suspenseful as the book. The fictional story stars with Augustus Landor being called out of retirement to use his powers of detection on an unusual death at the nearby military academy, West Point. A cadet was found hanging from a tree, his heart having been skillfully cut out of his chest. Landor almost instantly attracts the attention of an older cadet by the name of (you guessed it) Edgar Allan Poe. The film does not got into much about how Poe ended up at West Point, but they stay true to how he was depicted in the book - a mix of arrogance and awkwardness.

Poe is already a writer at this point, having published a few poems and building criticism to other books (he makes a sour face when he sees Fenimore Cooper on Landor’s shelf). As the mystery continues, Poe is a realistic young man and artist. He is boastful, yet self-conscious. Talented, yet wasteful of his talent. Fanciful and romantic, yet when faced with grim truths is willing to find a way to deal. He and Landor bond over words, morals, and alcohol.

The woman targeted for Poe’s affection is the sister of one of his classmates, Lea (Lucy Boynton). Her parents (Toby Jones and Gillian Anderson) welcome both Landor and Poe into their home in the midst of the horrors. Poe’s relationship with Lea is more of a flirtation based on two young people who have faced death in their lifetimes. This makes sense to me. I feel like Poe probably was one of those young men who reminded people often that his birth mother and foster mother passed away.

Above all else, this film reminds you that he is a person obsessed with words and it is that obsession with words which unravels the end of the mystery.

I wanted to know what some Poe experts thought of this movie. No one has e-mailed me back yet. Perhaps they didn’t like it as much as I did.

The Raven: Movies about Writing

Ug. This thing. I’ve avoided it for so long. Damn it, John Cusack. You used to be cool. Luke Evans better sing randomly in this to make it worth it. Let’s get this over with.

For some reason I give more historical forgiveness to a film written in the 1970s then to a movie written just over a decade ago. Maybe it’s purely because we live in a time where academic research is easy to collect and there are so many movies that don’t even try. This murder mystery pretty much took it’s research from the same sources as that silent movie I watched in one of the earliest of these blogs. They really lean into a lot of old Poe theories, not into more modern biographies. The fake newspapers even use the words “serial killer”. No one could be bothered to even check when the phrase came into existence? Cause their about one hundred and 20 years too early. Then again, the production didn’t even bother to look up whether lead is magnetic so I digress.

Cusack plays Poe as a pretentious and loud drunkard, putting up violent fits in the local pub when denied brandy. He’s all hot air, but no Baltimore accent to make his rants seem semi-charming. Alice Eve is the love interest, a very made-up and very modern woman in looks and behavior who Poe is courting named Emily. Luke Evans plays a standard detective called Fields and yet is the saving grace of this movie.

The plot is the same as the first episode of Castle; a serial killer is dispatching his victims in ways inspired by Poe’s stories. Bodies up chimneys. Pendulums slicing men in half (real-life fellow writer Griswold dies way before his time this way in the movie). And the old standard - burying people alive. Fields wants Poe to assist him in tracking down the madman only to bring Poe’s girlfriend right into the killer’s path. Blah. Blah. Blah. Let’s talk about writing.

The killer insists the Poe the write the details of his crimes or he will not reveal what he’s done with Emily. Of course, this helps break a writer’s block Poe had been suffering. Isn’t that nice of the maniac? The killer proclaims himself a fellow artist and Poe responds , “You’re mad”. Oh come on, Poe. All modern writers know to clear our browser history out of fear of being arrested for what we research for a story. “We’re all mad here.”

Certain important aspects of being a writer of that century are included such as Poe reciting at ladies clubs and fighting with newspapers who underpay him. At one point Poe’s editor states that he criticizes all other writers. Cut to me, blinking at the screen and muttering, “But - But that was one of his jobs. People paid him to be a critic. I - I don’t understand.”

The Raven is pretty dismal! I want to see what Sylvester Stallone would have done with Robert Downey Jr. in the role as Poe, but I don’t think we’ll ever know. Oh, you didn’t know about that. Turns out Stallone is a Poephile who wrote his own biopic, but this movie got picked up by a studio instead. I’m not saying is would have been better than this . . . no, actually. That’s what I’m saying.

Descendant: Movies about Writing

What the hell did I find?

First off: Warning - a dog dies in this film.

First, let’s discuss the opening. A man is stabbing out a woman heart in a generic “old timey” bedroom when Edgar Allan Poe runs in just as the man lifts up the still beating organ and declares he’s killed Virginia to get revenge for the House of Usher.

Cut to Ann Hedgerow (Katherine Heigel), a grieving sculptress who recently lost her mother, and Ethan Poe (Jeremy London), a tortured author haunted by their shared ancestors. Ann is the great-great-great granddaughter of the woman murdered at the beginning of the film, another Poe cousin named Emily Hedgerow (not real person to my knowledge). The pair of stars have no chemistry on screen and yet start going out.

Ann comes from a messed up family. Her brother assaulted her and still lusts for her. Her two best friends are John, a struggling deputy investigating a serial killer, and Lisa, a real estate agent (enough said there). Oh and Ann sleeps in the bed where the woman at the beginning was murdered . . . which is apparently an open family secret. I did appreciate that about half of Ann’s clothes hung in my high school closet.

Ethan is obsessive and trying to use Ann as a cure for writer’s block, something the ghost of Poe tries to shame him for. He plays up his “torture” to a point that’s annoying. He engages in drugs, alcohol, and call girls to pass the time. He’s tired of living off the Poe name and dramatically bursts into pretentious rants at the drop of a pen. And for some reason, Ann considers having kids with this dude.

Spoilers ahead!

Ethan is a bit of a creeper in my opinion with cringe-worthy comments. My personal cringe was when Ann says she’s twenty-four and still feels like a child. He responds with, “But not a virgin.” What! What the hell, dude! You just met her! His only really human moment when he didn’t bug the crap out of me is a scene where he yells at at Ann for interrupting him when he’s writing. Then he apologizes and it’s sincere. Of course, his very next moment has him fighting with Poe’s ghost over the ideal of Lenore.

Then it turns out - the creepy guy is a creep! Ethan’s name isn’t Poe, but Usher! His mom, a literary agent, set him up with the fake identity in order to find the last members of the Poe family. He kills or maims most of the key characters, digs up Ann’s mom, and then ties Ann to a bed in order to re-enact the murder from the beginning of the movie. Then John and Lisa come to the rescue and Ann shoots Ethan while shouting, “Nevermore.” Not. Even. Joking. She effing said, “Nevermore” like it was supposed to be a Die Hard-esque Yippe ki ay!

The ending of the movie made no sense at all. Ethan’s mom was still making money off of his books. Ann has dreams about Ethan being buried alive. And the final scene was of her pregnant smiling at a shadowy figure. I have decide this movie is not worth further analysis other than to look at how they depicted Poe.

Poe’s ghost always slurs a bit and his eyes glisten like he’s constantly on the verge of tears. He spends most the film taunting Ethan He’s just a sad and desperate spirit, not much of real person. He gets some moments of anger and redemption, but he mostly just there to be Ethan’s imaginary antagonist.

I will give this screenwriter credit for one thing -they made Ethan writing sound very borrowed from Poe, taking whole phrases and working them into his so-called masterpiece.

The Death of Poe: Movies about Writing

I’ll keep this one brief. I found an independent film from 2006 by Mark Redfield (an actor, director, and artist) about the mystery surrounding Poe’s death. It’s part documentary, part speculation, but gives a lot of recognition to key figures in Poe’s like his rival Rufus Griswold, his mother-in-law Maria Clemm, and his early girlfriend/fiancee Sarah Elmira Royster.

I won’t give every detail or give away much of the plot. What I will say it the film chronicles the last days of Poe in Baltimore, showing how his mind was addled and how forgetful he was becoming. He’s haunted by conversation with his foster father and Virginia, all while attempting to find investors for an American literary magazine. This is rather frustrating to watch because he keeps telling people how much he already saved up and that it’s with him.

The impressive research is clear, including a part that tries to avoid Poe’s views on slavery. It gives all the anguish and embarrassment of being mildly famous without money.

This movie is most certainly using the theories that Poe was not at fault in his own death showing that he is abstaining from alcohol. It made me curious about the doctor who cared for Poe at the end. He mentions in the movie that he hates thinking of himself as the man who failed to save Edgar Allan Poe.

An Evening of Edgar Allan Poe: Movies about Writing

Last one from the 70s and this one is another bit of cheating.

Imagine Poe lived to be a famous man in his 60s with a beard and chance to go on the stage to recite several of his works. That’s essentially what this 1970 television special did with Vincent Price acting out four different tales alone with sets and costumes. Technically, Price is playing four different characters, not Poe, however it feels like something Poe would’ve done if he’d had the money. He admired Charles Dickens who did something similar with his public appearances. Plus, Poe’s birth mother was an actress. You can’t tell me he didn’t think about taking the stage. Additionally, Price makes you really listen to the words and admire the writing of the man long dead as he recites word for word.

The Spectre of Edgar Allan Poe: Movies about Writing

Let’s stay in the 70s for another installment. The Spectre of Edgar Allan Poe is a 1974 trip. A terrible, terrible trip that would make you swear off all substances forever, even aspirin.

Robert Walker Jr. plays a lackluster Poe who starts the film getting sympathy from Lenore (Mary Grover) about his job as a literary critic. They frolic to take his mind off his agony (Lenore is NOT wearing a corset or bra under her costume and jumped around too much for this movie to ever be taken seriously), however, Lenore collapses. Poe cries out with a bland and rather calm, “Help” and the opening credits are accompanied by a bad 70s rock ballad.

Lenore is declared dead and almost buried alive only to cry out in a last second. She pops out of the casket like a cheap Halloween scare with stark white hair (a.k.a. a ghastly wig even scarier than her performance). Somehow they got Tom Drake (Meet Me in St. Louis) to play Poe’s doctor friend and Cesar Romero (from lots of stuff - look him up) to play the doctor at Lenore’s mental hospital. I did like seeing Carol Ohmart from House on Haunted Hill as Romero’s wife and an adult Marcia Mae Jones from Shirley Temple movies as Sarah, a nurse with practically no lines.

The hospital even more anachronistic than Lenore’s free-range boobs. It’s “humane” facility full of activities to keep the mind busy and a loving, clean environment. Psh. I could go into a history of asylums and how such ideas did exist, but rarely and not in the ways portrayed in the movie. Maybe if I ever do a Ted Talk I’ll just ramble about this topic for fifteen minutes, but believe me when I say - nope. Not happening in Poe’s time and his part of the world. Also, who’s paying for this place? Where’s Lenore’s family?

Fear not those of you bored and wondering why this movie was even made? Here comes the terror. The mild, saw it coming in the first thirty minutes terror. The hospital is not all it seems. The doctor has locked away his brother-in-law in the basement and performs illegal medical experiments on the patients. Dun Dun DUUUUUUNNNN! This revelation is followed up by about seven minutes of Poe being tortured with snakes and knives while his friend wanders through the same shot several times calming saying, “Edgar?”

I won’t give the rest away. I will warn that there’s a torture chamber, madman who makes the same sounds as a dog having rabbit chasing dreams, and a twist . . . I think that’s what it was supposed to be anyway.

Despite Poe fitting in some drinking and long-winded musings, he doesn’t write much in this film other than to chronicle the tragedy of Lenore, a woman who serves as no other character than to be the object of his depression. Even the description he gives of Lenore is flat and more of a fantasy than a woman.

Gas-s-s-s: Movies about Writing

Roger Corman, you beautiful bastard! Only he would produce this 1970 dark comedy about a hippies in an apocalypse. You read every word of that sentence correctly and if you questioned any of you, you need to watch more Roger Corman films.

This movie is just too crazy for me not to go into details so please enjoy these spoiler ahead.

The film opens with crudely animated military personnel declaring their new biological weapon then cuts to a live action chase between a hippie carrying a crossbow and a cop. The hippie, Coel (not a typo), is a bit of a Bugs Bunny character changing into priest robes instantly and throwing off everyone with one-liners like “for your penance [for police brutality] you will teach bicycle safety at the Black Panther Convention in Mobile, Alabama”. Coel meets Cilla, a mistress/assistant of a famous scientist named Dr. Murder who has created a gas that kills anyone over the 25 by speeding up the aging process. The government unleashed the gas on accident and the world is left to be run by people who aren’t even old enough to rent a car. Two factions rise up, the pot-smoking hippies and the academic preppies. And that’s just in the first ten minutes. The alternate title of the movie is Gas! - or- It-Became-Necessary-to-Destroy-the-World-in-Order-to-Save-It so I think you can guess where this is going. Everyone (both factions) decide to just party while everything goes to hell and young fascists take over.

Despite many set-backs, Cilla and Coel stay pretty chipper as they travel the country meeting odd characters and looki- Holy crap! Is that Ben Vereen! Apparently, this was his second film role as Carlos the paranoid revolutionary whose very pregnant and very spacey girlfriend Marissa is a music fanatic - Oh hey! Marissa is Cindy Williams (Shirley from Laverne and Shirley). Also popping up are Bud Cort (from Harold and Maude and M.A.S.H.), Talia Coppola aka Shire (ADRIAN! from Rocky and The Godfather), and Raye Birk (that balding character actor from all the Naked Gun films). Anyway, the six people are in search of a non-violent commune in the New Mexico desert to settle down in.

Everything is sex, drugs, and rock ‘n roll until the group discovers a town terrorized by football players in dune buggies. Primary colored dune buggies - think along the lines of Power Rangers zords. The football players are really rather triggering as they enslave, torture, and assault others while using sports jargon. This is followed by a prepubescent doctor, a very insistent flasher, a group of clueless rapists, lost Texas Ranger, a community of patriotic bikers in golf carts, and a group of Native Americans demanding that while people take Columbus Day back. Oh and God gets involved in the story too.

Why is this movie in this blog? Because the magnificent entity the group keeps meeting on the road none other than Edgar Allan Poe . . . on a motorcycle . . . with a modernly dressed “Lenore” on the back. He warns the group of doom and gloom, using his own stories as analogies for bewaring mankind’s “wickedness”. Oh, and he has a fake raven pinned to his shoulder. Why? Why not! Do not question the Corman!

Tale of a Vampire: Movies about Writing

At the time of writing this blog, Julian Sands went up a mountain in California and never came down. I’m hoping by the time this posts, they’ll have found his remains to give his loved ones closure.

And with that, I present Tale of a Vampire, in which Sands even with all of his magnificent angst cannot save a rather stupid film. Yeah. I’m going to give some opinions on this one and major SPOILER ALERT ahead.

Alex (Sands) is an Anne Rice reject who spends all of his time in a research library. Anne (Suzanna Hamilton from 1984) is the newest employee who looks identical to Alex’s lost love, Virginia. The two instantly have a thing for each other, but Alex is pretty much the most awkward romantic vampire ever so they’re relationship seems doomed from the start. I mean, beyond the whole she’s human and he wants to eat her thing.

Meanwhile, a mysterious man in a hat named Edgar shows up (Kenneth Cranham) and harasses Alex until she finally confronts Alex about his vampirism. Alex confesses quickly, stating that the love of his life, Virginia Clemm, who he met as child (gross) and turned into a vampire upon her deathbed, is still out in the world somewhere being held prisoner by Edgar, her former husband. At the same time, Alex also admits that he’s got the hots for Anne.

To sum up, Edgar kidnaps Anne, explains to Alex that he trapped Virginia in a lead coffin at the bottom of an ocean after he had her turn him into a vampire, and the two battle. Alex kills Edgar (or at least maims him pretty bad, the movie wasn’t clear on the vampire rules in this one). However, Anne is already dead and it’s too late for Alex to turn her. He lays his head on her chest and cries while the poem Annabel Lee is recited by a disembodied Edgar. The end.

No really. That was it. Alex cries over Anne being dead and doesn’t seem to have any intention of trying to find Virginia at the bottom of the sea. I mean, he’s immortal. He could see how far down he could go before pressure destroyed him. Either way, I’m really not sure what the point of this story was. Just to show that it sucks to be a vampire in love? He didn’t even get any.

Also, the Poe angle was odd. This movie is suggesting that when Virginia Clemm was a child, she befriended a grown vampire man, went through puberty with this guy as her “special friend”. She married Edgar, begged Alex to turn her when she was dying, ran off with Alex into a nondescript country setting, turned Edgar for some strange reason, and ended up in a fate worse than death. Oh, and Poe became a psychotic monster who killed for the fun of it (you know instead of just killing for sustenance) and decided to torture his rival with Virginia’s body parts which he’s just been carrying around with him for a century. Yep. This was not a great film. Even all of Sands tormented cries could not save it. I’m not even going to try to analyze this one.

Monkeybone: Movies about Writing

Oh Monkeybone. One of those films you don’t remember exists and then suddenly someone will mention it out of the blue and you’re like “that was a thing”. I did not pay money in theaters for this one, BUT I did watch it on HBO because I was in high school, had a huge crush on Brendan Fraser, and was excited that someone let Henry Selick (of Nightmare Before Christmas) direct a movie again. Also, I recall the trailer had music by The Offspring. Teenage me could not resist The Offspring.

I’m going to keep this one short so I don’t have to hear a lot of trolls hating on the Fraser or this film. This isn’t a critique. It’s just be pointing out how the movie portrays writing and our old friend Edgar Allan Poe (played by Edgar Allan Poe VI - the same actor from that episode of Sabrina the Teenage Witch).

I’m not going to sum up the entire plot, but I will tell you that besides Edgar Allan Poe being present, the story is about a Stu (Fraser). Stu is a cartoonist trapped in a version of his own creation while in a coma. At the same time, his popular character, Monkeybone, has taken control of his body and given it a gross soul patch. The world Stu’s mind exists in also deals in how nightmares and trauma spark creativity, something he learned from his girlfriend played by Bridget Fonda (where has Bridget Fonda been lately? Did she retire or what?)

Stu ends up in a prison cell with “nightmare makers” Attila the Hun, Jack the Ripper, Lizzie Borden, Stephen King (played by himself) and Poe. That’s right. Known killers and few writers. I’m not sure what this film is trying to say exactly, but I would like to add that if I die suddenly, could someone please clear my browser history. King is called a nasty name for a wuss by Poe when he asks for a nightlight.

The other part of this has to do with success as an artist, taking the “selling out” with the positives, and accepting that even some of the worst characters we create are a part of us.

The Secret of Kells: Movies about Writing

Time to break from Poe because it’s St. Patrick’s Day. For some, it’s a time to drink. For others, it’s a time to give thanks for a lack of snakes in Ireland. For me, it’s an excuse to watch Irish movies.

Publishing - the dread of all editors and format gurus the writing world over. The spacing! The indents! The widows and orphans (not literal - it’s a ms word issue)! Well, imagine you are writing a book entirely by hand using ink from specialty ingredients and, oh yea, there’s an ancient Celtic evil after you.

This is the plot of The Secret of Kells, a beautiful animated film that does not get enough credit. The movie is a fictionalized version of how the famous Medieval illuminated manuscript, the Book of Kells, was finally finished. The only part that is really historical is how the book travels to Ireland to escape Viking raids and how Ireland at the time was split between Pagan roots and Christian beliefs.

The main character is Brendan, the nephew of Abbot Cellach (voiced by of course Brendan Gleeson), who is curious about the world outside of the abbey. He is apprenticed to the newly arrived Brother Aidan who has brought the Book of Kells with him after fleeing an attack. The diverse cast of illuminators within the abbey are in complete reverence to Brother Aidan who is a master at their craft. Also, Aidan has a cat named Pangur Ban that the young boy bonds with who is the best character in the story.

Brendan is sent beyond the abbey walls to look for berries to make ink from and is saved from a pack of wolves by a fairy named Aisling. Were there once wolves in Ireland? According to history sites on the internet (and another animated film from this same company) - yes. See, kids. This is totally educational.

Aisling tells him to beware of Crom Cuach, which in this film is a dark god of death and fear. I think in reality he was a chieftain god and had something to do with agriculture, but I need to brush up on my Irish mythology. I do know that according the story of St. Patrick, Crom Cuach was defeated by the famous bishops along with all of those “snakes”.

Tangent over. Brendan discovers that Crom has the eye of Colm Cille, a magnifying crystal used to create some of the greatest manuscripts. This is based on the stories of St. Columcille of Iona, an descendant of Irish kings turned priest who famously preserved the history of some really famous battles. The film does not mention that this guy was a military historian, just that Brendan should want to be as great of an illustrator as he was.
The fight for the “eye” coincides with a viking raid on the abbey. Brendan’s ultimate goal becomes protecting and training to finish the book. SPOILER ALERT: He spends his growing year traveling through Ireland and showing the book to people in order to give them hope.

If I had seen this as a little kid, I probably would’ve been upset that Aisling does not appear to Brendan in the same way when he’s an adult. But it makes total sense. He’s a monk, representative of a belief system that’s left her behind. And when he was a child, he still somewhere between the worlds of magic and reality. She’s a little bit like an imaginary friend in that sense. He knew she was real and there but knows she can’t be there for him in his adult life.

Besides being about how the book is the tome which “turned dark into light”, the movie is about both how stories are passed down and how much went into one of these illuminated manuscripts. I liked that Brother Aiden chose Brendan to finish the book because he saw the world with imagination and held onto his child-like wonder. Also, that we should all have a kitty cat to protect precious books.

The Man with a Cloak: Movies about Writing (Copy)

Wait - a movie about Poe involving Joseph Cotten, Barbara Stanwyck, and Leslie Caron! Where has this been my whole childhood?! Well, no wonder because this was difficult to find online which is whey I accidentally posted it once without actually having watched it.

The story begins with a man calling himself Dupin (Joseph Cotten) acting mysterious and broody while drinking in a tavern. I love Poe’s mystery stories so this made me happy right away. Enter the young maiden, Madeline Minot (Leslie Caron) looking for her boyfriend’s grandfather to beg him for money towards saving the French republic. Turns out Grandpa Thevenet (Louis Calhern) is a drunken cad who lives with three servants trying to kill him for his money. The fabulous Barbara Stanwyck plays housekeeper Lorna Bounty, the leader of the group who see this young woman as a threat to their inheritance. She is awkwardly dubbed for a random singing performance, but other than that Stanwyck plays a woman both sympathetic and conniving.

Despite grandpa being a curmudgeon who holds onto the days of Napoleon, he’s not an idiot and suspects what the staff is up to. His own life does not seem to concern him, but he instantly takes a liking to Madeline and warns her of what the small household might try to do. Madeline asks Dupin to help her save the old man’s life by proving that the staff are trying to kill him. Despite the grandfather’s faults, Madeline honestly wants to save his life both because she is fond of the awful fellow and because she knows her boyfriend would want her to.

Lorna is immediately attracted to Dupin (shaw! he’s Joseph Cotten) when he comes to the house looking for Madeline. He also randomly reads from a book of poetry he finds in the house. What poem you may ask? Should I tell you? Nevermore.

Grandpa does have a pet raven named after a famous French poet Villon, played by Jimmy the Crow, a famous animal actor with 28 IMDB credits. He has a part to play in the mystery and one of the twists to the ending.

Dupin always has a drink in his hand and acts philosophical about various topics like time, money, and other things getting his way. Still, he is blunt and admires Madeline not out of sheer appreciation of her beauty, but of her ideals. He has a good line which describes her as “courageous as she is foolish. This comes from a faith in life, Thevenet, something you and I both lack. A dream which is not for sale and never can be locked away”.

Spoiler alert: Dupin turns out to be Edgar Allan Poe himself, waiting in town while writing Annabel Lee and owing money to everyone.