Hi Azra. I just lost my job due to company downsizing. I’ve got a family to support. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Jobless in Seattle.
Well Jobless, there is only one thing you can do. Get your job back. When companies downsize, it’s their way of weeding out the insincere. If you want a job with them, then you have to prove it. How, you may ask? It’s quite simple really. Ever been dumped by someone? Remember how you did everything and anything to get them to take you back? Yeah, it’s the same with big companies. You’ve gotta shmooze them. Wine and dine them. Stalk them. Make them sorry they let you go. Dig up all the dirt you can on them and blackmail upper management into getting your job back, with a raise to boot.
Remember, the company is just asking you to prove that you want to work for them. It’s no different than any other romantic relationship. You’ve gotta work at it. If it doesn’t work out, well then, you didn’t really want it, did you?
Wishing you gainful employment,
Azra
***Disclaimer***Azra is not someone to take advice from. He’s not even human- he’s an exiled angel that gets his kicks dispensing horrible advice to people. Do not take his advice seriously. It is meant to be satirical and not to be taken literally.