There have been 3 different Haunted Mansion movies, but this is the only one that feels like a love letter to the ride. And it’s a Muppet movie so I might have a giant poster of it as a part of my extensive Haunted Mansion collection. By the way, this also has the highest critical Rotten Tomatoes score of the 3 versions (but saying that, I do really like all three and the latest version is much better than critics said).

If you haven’t seen this, Gonzo has been invited to a party at the mysterious mansion where his favorite magician once disappeared and he brings Pepe along for comic relief. The pair end up trapped in the mansion over night where the ghosts are played by the other Muppets save for the usual celebrity guests like Will Arnett as the Ghost Host who invited them, Taraji P. Henson as the Bride Ghost attempting to marry Pepe, Yvette Nicole Brown as the driver warning that they won’t survive the night, and Darren Criss as the graveyard caretaker.

It’s the Caretaker’s scene that I want to focus on for a blog about writing. Before Gonzo and Pepe enter the mansion, the Caretaker warns them to walk quietly as he doesn’t want to outdoor ghosts to wake up. He claims that “once they start, the never cease) in a song (because it’s Darren Criss). He tells the stories of various ghosts played by Danny Trejo, Alfonso Ribeiro, Chrissy Metz, Jeannie Mai Jenkins, and Edward Asner (in one of his final roles). One of the ghosts is Mary, played by SNL’s Sasheer Zamata. She is dressed in clothing that is probably supposed to represent the middle to late 1700s. She had a piece of long paper and a quill. The Caretaker sings that she “wrote mysteries with masterful quill, not knowing the ink of words could kill”. Mary is then seen licking her quill before continuing writing, then dropping down dead.

First, Mary being a writer in this time period is not as strange as people might think. The late 18th century included MANY female writers including poet Phillis Wheatley, playwright Mercy Otis Warren, philosopher Mary Wollstonecraft, and the start of many novelists (many of whom wrote under pseudonyms). However, ink was not made of anything poisonous at that time that I know of or could find out (if anyone can correct me on this with a source, I would be most grateful if you leave a comment). Therefore, does this mean Mary was murdered? That someone poisoned her ink? Is there an entire back story here of a woman’s creativity being stolen by her killer? Or maybe she was just allergic to iron gall ink. Wonder if she was anemic.

Anyone who knows me is well aware of my adoration for this group of cloth characters and their brand of humor. It only stands that I would have one of these blogs using one of their many enterprises. Sadly, this is from one of the shorter live Muppet shows (which you can blame the Mouse for the per-emptive cancellation - I really don’t get why Disney bought the Muppets when they don’t use them for anything good).

For those who missed this one: “The Muppets" was a late night, mockumentary sitcom about a late night talk show hosted by Miss Piggy and produced by her ex-boyfriend Kermit the Frog, think of it as “30 Rock” meets “The Office”. The other Muppets plays supporting roles as the shows writers and staff (save for Statler and Waldorf who sit every night in the audience making fun of the show for some traditions must be upheld). This concept also gave them the opportunity to easily insert human guest stars such as Elizabeth Banks, Dave Grohl, Mindy Kahling, Keegan-Michael Key, Jordan Peele, and Joseph Gordan Levitt. The plots were mostly satirical humor, but the relationship between Kermit and Piggy actually was used for a small amount of drama that somehow worked in the format. But greatest of all was the use of Uncle Deadly as Piggy’s wardrobe manager and shoulder to “hi-ya” to.

Quick side note: Uncle Deadly, who those who don’t know, was a character created for the Vincent Price episode of the original “Muppet Show”. He was meant to be suave and creepy. Re-imagining him as a fashion guru was possibly the best idea the writers of this show had because the further you get into the episodes, the more amazing his lines are. To this day, the Uncle Deadly twitter account gives biting fashion advise and lets claws out.

Image property of Disney - Uncle Deadly with Gloria Estefan the penguin

This episode focuses mostly on Kermit and Fozzie Bear. Fozzie’s job on the show is to warm up the audience with jokes, then announce Piggy’s entrance, but he wants to be a part of the writing staff (which is led by Gonzo, Pepe, and Rizzo). Kermit spends the first first minutes of the episode avoiding Fozzie because the bear has written a skit so bad, he doesn’t even know how to spin it a form of constructive criticism. Most of all, he’s worried Fozzie will want the stinker script performed on the show. In hopes of sparing his friend’s feelings, Kermit lies saying that Fozzie should take time to flesh out the skit into a movie script because he thinks would make a better motion picture.

Fozzie, out of trust and love of his friend, takes this advice literally and quits the show to work on a movie full time. Kermit reveals the truth in hopes of getting Fozzie to take his job back, but this also backfires. Fozzie becomes determined to prove Kermit wrong and that he can write a fantastic film by going into the woods with no supplies. His logic is that bears should be inspired by the great outdoors.

Interestingly, while all of this is going on the actual writers on the show are having a conversation about whether the President lives in the White House or the Wide House, to which Gonzo responds that if they’re having this talk, maybe they shouldn’t be writing political humor. A write what you know joke! You don’t hear those too often.

SPOILERS ALERT: In the end, Kermit tells Fozzie they will put the skit on the air, pointing out that they can edit and work on it together to make it camera ready (and not stink). This is what Kermit should have done in the first place. Constructive criticism people! Never just tell a writer that something sucks. These are artist. Artistic personality can be broken very easily. There have been times I’ve thought of wandering into the woods and stealing campers food in justification of my own work that other have told me was bad. Okay, not quite that, but I might try it next time. You can just outright reject something, especially a first draft. There is always something good within a piece of writing that could be worked on.

And now - back to watching the Muppets.

Image property of the “Mouse”. Here’s Fozzie and Kermit discussing the script at Rowlf’s bar

Megan's Blogs