A Cinderella Christmas

This one isn’t about writing, but it is about women in a creative field.

Emma Rigby (shout out to those Hollyoaks fans - which I’m really not, but I liked her in Once Upon a Time in Wonderland) is Angie, a woman who runs a successful catering business belonging to her uncle. The problem is that she shares business with a lazy, gold digging cousin Candace and she won’t be able to get full control until Candace is married. This is Candace’s rule and their uncle has no clue that Angie does all of the work. Also, I’m fairly certain they live in the Matthews house from Boy Meets World.

They cater a party for the wealthy businessman, Nikolaus Karmichael (according to imdb that’s how it’s spelled), who desperately wants to run his family company his own way or start his own company with his inheritance. However, he can’t have control of his inheritance until he’s married. I know, it all sounds like the film takes place in 1904, but it’s supposed to be 2016. Anyway, Candace suffers from a facial peel mishap and can’t attend the Christmas function as a guest (Nikolaus invited her for some reason), so Angie of course goes in secret because it’s a masked ball! Always with the masked balls. I do like the game they place at the ball where attendees bring a stocking with items related to their personality. The anonymous stockings are hung on a tree to be picked out by other people and then they have to match who they belong to. Naturally, Angie and Nikolaus choose each other’s stockings and hit it off, only for Angie to run back to the kitchens before the unmasking.

All of this is hinted at being the mastermind of Zelda, a dress shop owner in town played by Mindy Cohn. You know, Natalie, from the Facts of Life. Mrs. Garrett must’ve taught her to butt her nose into people’s loves lives.

The ball happens in the first thirty minutes of the film, which was a nice touch instead of dragging out the abuse she’s suffering from her cousin. Oh wait, now we have to fill up the other hour of the film with Nikolaus’s gross marriage proposal. That’s right, he does the actual fairy tale thing and proposes to the woman the Christmas stocking belongs to. He hires Angie and Candace to plan a Christmas Eve wedding in hopes that his mystery woman shows up.

Angie discovers that Nikolaus drives her nuts and agrees to trick him into thinking that Candace was her at the ball. Of course, this is Candace’s plan and she tries to behave like Angie leading up to the wedding. And so the story turns into Cyrano. Candace wears an earpiece on her dates with Nikolaus and Angie feeds her what to say while realizing he’s not such a bad guy. He also starts to realize that Angie is the one he gets along with and worries about Candace’s type A behavior. And thank the Hallmark Christmas movie gods that Nikolaus is not a complete moron. He figures out with almost thirty minutes left of the story that Angie is who he met, but is upset that she cares so little for him that’s she’d let him marry Candace. That’s a legit upset.

SPOILERS!

Angie’s friends, who are barely in the film, turn on Candace’s microphone so everyone at the wedding hears her and Angie argue about the business and Nikolaus. Nikolaus (who doesn’t hear any of this) tests Candace by proclaiming that he will give up her inheritance and calls off the wedding based on her negative reaction. His mom than tells him that he’s earned his inheritance without getting married because he’s shown maturity. Apparently, she let’s him help run a multi-million dollar company, yet does not trust him to spend his own money. Angie’s uncle also apologizes because he feels like her and Candace constantly lying to him makes him a bad father. They are two grown-ass women! You aren’t responsible for their actions, man. Candace also gives Angie a bullshit apology of being jealous of her. Then Nikolaus shows up and he and Angie go to be young, hot entrepreneurs together. The end.

Things that were super annoying in this made-for-cable Cinderella holly, jolly schlock were Emma Rigby’s American accent, the use of Christmas phrases as swear words, and the over sentimentally of the dialogue. What I loved besides the stocking game - Angie quotes Oscar Wilde.

If Cinderella had been 30

If Cinderella had been 30

Once upon a time there was a grand house where an old woman, her two grown daughters, and her grown step-daughter lived. Since she had been a teenager, the step-daughter had been treated at the servant of the house, made to dress in the ragged, cast-off clothes of her sisters and sleep near the kitchen hearth. Because of her dirty appearance, they called her Cinderella.

Each day, Cinderella toiled endlessly as the only person to keep her demanding family fed and content, knowing that if she were to leave she would have no other opportunities to work. After all, she was 30. A spinster. An old maid. Who would possibly hire her?

One summer day, a messenger arrived at the house declaring there was to be a ball at the royal palace. Cinderella helped her awful step-family prepare as they gloated over their good fortune at having been invited. As they rode away in their rented carriage, she despaired. One night out sounded so nice.

As she went back to scrubbing the floors, a mysterious figure appeared before her. The elderly lady stooped over a cane and smiled down upon Cinderella.

“I suppose you’re wondering where I have been all of this time?” she asked with a kind smile.

Within her mind, Cinderella scoffed, “Actually, I was wondering if you wiped your feet before walking on my clear floor.” Out loud, she demurely asked, "Who are you?”
”Your fairy godmother, of course! I have been waiting for an opportunity like this to be of help you to you!”

“You know of a different place of employment that offers free room and board, but where I won’t be psychologically abused?” Cinderella asked hopefully.

“No silly, I am going to send you to the ball!”

“Oh. That’s good too., but I wouldn’t mind a more permanent solution to my current living situa-”

“Follow me out the the garden!” the fairy godmother interrupted and Cinderella obeyed.

Within twenty minutes, the magic of the strange old lady turned a pumpkin into a carriage, mice into horses, lizards into footmen, a rat into a driver, and Cinderella’s dress into a gorgeous gown draped over delicate glass slippers.

As Cinderella realized how long it had been since she’d worn heels, the fairy godmother chastised her about curfew. “You must leave before midnight or everything will turn back to what it was before. I know it’s a lousy thing to ask, but it must be midnight.”

“Midnight. I won’t forget.” She thanked the strange old lady, climbed into the carriage, and prepared to have her first night out since she was sixteen.

When she arrived, Cinderella was instantly the belle of the ball. The prince, a man who had waited till he was older to marry (which was fairly common in that time period - look it up) was instantly taken with her. This was not only due to her beauty, but her conversation. Truthfully, many of the younger women at the ball had caught his eye, but hours of trying to speak with twenty-one year olds had left him bored. He craved speaking with someone from his own generation.

They danced and talked and Cinderella paid close attention to the clock hung strategically over the ballroom. By nine pm the prince offered her a drink and they both sat down.

He told her of the five diplomatic meetings in a row he’d conducted directly before the ball. She told him of her gardening that had to be finished that day or the carrots and onions would have spoiled. Neither wanted to admit that their feet were killing them.

By 9:30, the elderly king who had been observing all from his comfortable throne went in search of his son. He was curious about the lovely young woman monopolizing the prince’s evening. He found them both on a bench in the palace gardens, fast asleep. The king ordered a blanket to be placed over them.

Midnight struck and the pair of tired adults dozed on the bench, Cinderella’s head resting on the prince’s shoulder. All of her changed back, the only item remaining in its magical state being her glass shoes.

The sun rose and at last the pair awoke. At first, Cinderella panicked, ready to run from the prince with the blanket hiding her grimy dress. However, the prince was a covers hog and managed to pull the blanket with him as he stood to stretch.

“That was a surprisingly good night’s sleep.” He glanced down at her as she awaited the verbal berating. Instead, he rubbed the back of his neck. “Weren’t you wearing- Nevermind. I must’ve been more tire then I thought. Breakfast?”

And so, the prince helped Cinderella up from the bench. She limped slightly as they walked towards the palace doors and her noticed the glass slippers still chiming along the pavement.

He sat her back down and, without any further explanation, ran into the castle without her.

Cinderella owned up her look, deciding it was too late to fuss with the rag on her head or the apron on her waist. She thought maybe the prince was going to get the head cook and maybe offer in a job in the kitchen. Although, it would be hard to see the prince and not be able to speak on equal terms ever again.

When the prince came back, both hands were behind his back. He knelt down before her and asked her to remove her shoes. She did so and he slipped a pair of fuzzy bedroom slippers on her dainty feet. They were like walking on pillows.

“That better?”

She nodded.

And so they ate breakfast and talked. Somehow, breakfast led to marriage and happily ever after where no one ever made them stay up past ten on a long day ever again. That is until their first kid was born. But that’s a different exhausting story.

The End.

Character Study - Talking Animals

Stories of fantasy and science fiction often utilize a speaking creature as a plot point. This tradition goes back to ancient mythology. However, there’s a distinction between the wise owl of the ages and Mr. Owl taking your sucker. When does the mystical being become the Disney sidekick and when are either appropriate?

First off, anyone who knows my Funko pop collection is aware of my weakness for Disney sidekicks (as well as Universal film monsters, but that’s a different story). But even the animators of these family movies have to make the decision between simply cute or human level communication. For example, in Moana and Tangled the animals show a higher level of emotion and comprehension without talking. This fits well into the fantasy realms in which the stories take place. They provide humor, warmth, and even some plot points, but do not detract or make the main ideas feel silly. Where as in Cinderella, the mice talk in ridiculous broken English, acting as both comic reliefs and talking heads for the audience.  

The trouble is when your creature serves no purpose other than aesthetic value. You think “Kids like spiders. I’m writing a kids book so I’ll add a spider.” Unless you’re Mercier Mayer, that isn’t really how it works. Character Osidekicks should always serve a role and have point. They should not just be an excuse to sell plush (I’m looking at you Barbie movies). 

A good modern example of an animal sidekick who cute, cuddly, and can be used as a plot device is Mouse, the Temple dog from Jim Butcher’s the Dresden Files. He checks all of the boxes and I would totally buy him as a plush. 

In Defense of Cinderella

I’m going to start with both the most popular, most retold, and most criticized of all fairy tales.

Brief History: This is literally the oldest, most retold fairy tale. Every time and culture has a version of a tale which begins by making you feel the unfairness of an abused young woman’s life. Then, there is an opportunity for her to have a break from her awful situation, but can’t get to said event without some help (whether be fairy godmother, birds, or fish). In the end, her suffering ends with some violent end to her tormentors, the arrival of a wealthy male, or both.

Analysis: What I feel needs the most put into context is the constant belief that Cinderella was the victim of the story, a poor sap who could have rescued herself at any time and did not need a prince to do so. First of all, in the original versions of the tale, our heroine lives in times and societies which would not have given her opportunities to save herself without desperate measures. In the earliest versions, such as the Egyptian/Greek tale, she is slave or a captive. In the most popular versions, Grimm and Perrault, she lives in a world where a woman on her own would have had very few opportunities. If she had run away from her wicked family, she would have been at the mercy of expected roles for women of the time. And how nice would the ending of the story have been if she had joined a brothel or become a beggar? A true inspiration to little girls everywhere.

In most versions, she needs help, this true. But again, this is because of the world she lives in. Women could not help themselves, especially a woman of middle or higher classes. She accepts the help because without it her life can never change. Of course, the child of abuse, she is also willing to only take that help for one night. Only one night to make her life just a little better. In hindsight, she really should have been asking for a job in a shop or a house of her own complete with inheritance.

Lastly, and men I apologize in advance for this last part, the prince is not the hero. He is the booby prize. He is what is given as a way out and reward in the midst or her hard life.

Blame it on the Victorians: The focus on Cinderella’s domesticity and lack of complaint are very much Victorian attributes. Women were to go through life with the hand they had been dealt and if men chose to the change their fate, then so be it. But Heaven forbid that a woman attempt to change her own position or try to better her own life. This can be seen in other literature of the time like Tess of the D’Urbervilles and Vanity Fair, where women who try to act in a way which was classified as “masculine” (as in they take charge and try to use whatever means necessary to better their lives) always meet horrible ends. Where as other women of these novels who are victims, innocents who are mistreated by society like Emily in David Copperfield or the sisters within Woman in White are conveniently rescued by circumstance.

Last thoughts: I confess, it’s all about the shoes.

*If you want know any of the places where some of my research comes from, just contact me.