Ned, you are recently deceased, aren’t you? Only someone who has just died yesterday would actually threaten to haunt another ghost. In case you didn’t know... you can’t haunt the dead! You’d just be wasting your afterlife.

As far as people walking through you, have you ever thought to get out of their way? If you were still alive, you wouldn’t think twice about dodging to the side to avoid a collision. Why do all these newly deceased idiots think that just because they are dead, they don’t have to move out of the way? It’s simple common courtesy.

Some advice, from one dead guy to another, take stock of the things you can still do despite being dead and quit whining. No one likes a whiner, Ned.

Ghosts are everywhere and many of us are practically screaming for attention. Take me, for example. My name is Maxwell Samuelson, deceased. I spent my whole life searching for proof of the afterlife. When it killed me, I spent a good portion of my afterlife trying to make contact with the living.

A fellow decedent, Ned, wrote a— what is this called? An editorial? A blog?

Anyway. The reason I am writing is to counteract Ned’s “leave us to our rest” edict. What a horrible thing to say. The afterlife is a cold and lonely place. Holding onto the life we once had is the only peace some of us will get.

My advice? Look for the signs and reach out to your ghostly neighbors for they are certainly reaching out to you.

What are these signs? Here are a few of them:

1. Sudden drops in temperature. Ghosts take energy from their surroundings. So if you are reaching for a sweater or a blanket abruptly, chances are one of us is around.

2. Objects aren’t where you leave them. This is a classic plea for attention. Pay attention to what is missing and where it ends up. That in itself could be a message from beyond.

3. Did you hear that? A quiet whisper, a soft tapping? Listen carefully, a ghost could have found a way to talk to you.

4. Most importantly, be aware of what is around you. Not all of us ghosts have the ability to actually speak, so look for signs that someone is reaching out. More than likely they are.

Also, Ned, we don’t actually have physical bodies so all we can do is float around. Or haven’t you fallen through the floor yet?

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