It never ceases to amaze me how things that were the norm for parenting one hundred years ago are now the biggest controversies facing modern day parents. It’s like each generation has to build the whole parenting rules from scratch every few hundred years. They mercilessly pitch out any idea previously held and insist that the exact opposite is the way to go. Forget tried and true methods, the least logical and most counter-intuitive solutions to every day parenting problems are all the rage.

Consider two modern day issues that, in bygone years, were just common sense: Breast feeding and co-sleeping.

Breast feeding is hotly debated not only for the nutritional value, but for the sheer inconvenience of it. Mothers, who are infinitely busier with careers and other obligations than they were centuries ago, don’t have time to sit and feed their child every 2-4 hours. They don’t have time or the place to pump the breastmilk if they are away from their little scream machine, let alone convenient places to store it until they can get it back home. There’s also this weird hold over of prudishness that breasts should not be seen, especially if they are being utilized to perform the function that the creator intended. Poppycock, I say. Free the nips! Their function is to literally provide sustenance to human young. Why are humans so ashamed or offended by that?

Co-sleeping is the term now used by people to describe letting your children, often infants, sleep in the same bed as its parents instead of in a separate crib or bedroom. What people often times forget is that this is not a new phenomenon. From the dawn of time, humans have often slept in the same bed as their offspring. It was a way to promote closeness, and warmth. There’s nothing wrong with it now, except that some crackpot said it was better to separate the children from their parents early to promote independence. I am not entirely sure whose independence, but that is not the point of this blog post.

The point I am trying to make is that boobs aren’t the problem. Ignorance and denial of the methods that have come before are the problem. If you want to be a better parent, stop and consider the methods your grandparents used, and their grandparents before them.

Knowledge is power. Earn yours.

Azra

***Disclaimer***Azra has been around children for centuries. While not having any of his own, part of being an exiled angel means blending in on earth. As he traveled the earth, he picked up on a lot of parenting practices across the globe. This blog is meant to share his parenting wisdom with a new generation. And to win a bet.

*Note: any advice given is meant to be satirical and not to be taken literally. Please do not exercise it upon any living being, child or otherwise.*

There is a modern notion nowadays about the importance of literacy in the young. It’s like this generation thinks the ability to read is important for the ongoing state of humanity. I can firmly attest that this is not the case.

Here’s a truth bomb for you: knowing how to read is not vital to survival.

That being said, why is there such an obsession about teaching your offspring to read? It’s a waste of time, honestly. Why would you sit there for hours upon hours staring at words on a page that may or may not have pictures when you could spend that valuable time teaching your rugrat common sense, outdoor survival skills, or discovering their mutant abilities?

Reading encourages them to use their imaginations. Reading transports them to a different world. Reading is a lifelong obsession that will only result in incredible debt, an avalanche of tattooed tree carcasses all over their domicile, and hours and hours of wasted time staring at pages. Reading will ruin lives!

There have been movements throughout history to stop the spread of reading. The Library of Alexandria? It was arson. The Protestant Reformation? Combated by the Catholic Counter-Reformation. Book bans and burnings are a regular occurrence to stamp out the plague of written words. Not to mention the entirety of the dark ages.

By teaching your monster how to read, you are undoing centuries of hard work. You are pretty much saying that it is ok to blow off all responsibility and pick up a book. It is ok to blow millions of dollars on books. It is ok to give indie authors hope that their writings will make it to the mainstream.

I am here to tell you that it is NOT alright.

Think before you read,

Azra

*Note: any advice given is meant to be satirical and not to be taken literally. Please do not exercise it upon any living being, child or otherwise.*

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