Welcome again to the failed social media experiment that is this show. As always, I’m the voice of history, Fable Skelly, your host. With me is the twisted mind behind this abomination, Todd Mandel. And in the corner, pretending he’s not listening is Riley Carter, who drove me here.

Here’s the premise. A person brings me something. I look at it and estimate what it is and how old. The usually something bad happens after that.

Today’s guest is Mr. Kanin and he has brought us - Oh wow. This is amazing. This is Apache pottery. Probably a water basket. Extremely old. Probably around . . . Riley, why are you hopping around like that? You’re making Mr. Kanin really nervous. And, oh. Rude! Mr. Kanin, why did you just snatch that out of my hands? I thought you wanted me to take a look at the pottery. Mr. Karin! Where are you going?

Riley! Why are you chasing him? Gah!

Todd, stop yelling your head off and help!

Oh! Careful of the pottery! Todd, if you sit on Mr. Kanin like that he won’t be able to breathe. Yes, Riley! Stop gasping at me. I’m calling the police now.

Hello. Can you come to this house as soon as possible? I think we just caught the man who robbed the Heard Museum last week. Todd, take the phone and give the police the address.

What’s that, Riley? Yes. This show is getting out of hand.