Dear Azra,

We need some help. Our friend has a drinking problem, but she refuses to admit it. It’s gotten so bad that we’ve stopped drinking around her and we’ve asked that she not drink around us. She doesn’t listen. If we know there’s going to be alcohol somewhere, we won’t invite her. It’s getting to the point that every time we see her, she’s drunk. We think it’s time to have an intervention. Can you give us some advice on how to make it a successful one so she can get the help she needs?

Sincerely,

Unprepared Prohibitionists

Intervention, huh? I’ve never really been one to have people gang up on someone in order to get them to conform to the groups standards of behavior, but what the heck. This sounds like fun. 

I’d say the first thing you’d need to consider is location. You’ll want somewhere that the subject will be comfortable. The most comfortable place for someone who likes to drink would be a bar, yes? Be sure to go during happy hour to take advantage of those appetizer specials. 

Next, think about who to invite. Sure, family and friends are a traditional option, but maybe it would be more impactful if you hire actors. Think about it. Actors are professionally trained to get the point across in a way more memorable manner than the average concerned friend. Make sure you give them a script and free poetic license to improv any additional selling points for the new life of modified behavior. Bonus points if you can stage a whole scene to terrify your alcoholic friend out of wanting booze. 

Finally, for the sake of all involved, get some drinks. It’s going to be a difficult conversation for all involved and alcohol will help make things go much more smoothly. Who knows, maybe you’ll get a different perspective on things before the night is over. 

One last bit of advice- the bills for all of this (actors, bar tab, professional writers, etc.) should land in the lap of the one getting the intervention. What better way for them to understand that their actions have consequences?

Cheers!

Azra

***Disclaimer***Azra is not someone to take advice from. He’s not even human- he’s an exiled angel that gets his kicks dispensing horrible advice to people. Do not take his advice seriously. It is meant to be satirical and not to be taken literally.