Potty training is the worst. Thank goodness I've never had to do that. When I got my nephew, he was already past that stage. Still, it is a topic that creates a lot of controversy. Should you? Shouldn't you?  If not, then how soon can you teach the child to change themselves? If so, is it morally right to train a living thing to poop on command? I mean, sure that could be useful as a prank and in certain battle situations, but is it right?

Then there is when to start the process. How old is considered old enough to control the inner workings of their bowels?

The reality of it is this. Kids are, in general, a mess of bodily fluids any way. Hell, that's just the human condition. It can't be helped. So the question then becomes, why fight it? 

Here are some alternatives to dealing with the whole potty training thing. 

1.      Litter or paper training- sure it's still training, and you'd have to clean it up, but this option is more conducive to the inherent human condition. Just be sure to get enough newspaper subscriptions for your floor plan.

2.      Let your child live with wild animals. Few creatures get the potty training thing like wild ones. Sometimes modern technology interferes with natural instincts. If your child spends enough time in the wild, you won't have to worry about the porcelain throne at all! He will successfully cover his excrement like any good wolf pup. 

3.      If you must potty train, consider hiring someone to do the dirty work for you. However, this can be expensive as few are properly trained in biohazard waste management. Believe me, you don't want to skim the credentials on this one. You may also need additional insurance- check with your provider. 

4.      Consider colostomy bags for your little poop machine. No training required and it's a simple clip on and forget about it. 

There are other options, of course, but few that generate the desired effect without permanently harming your child.  This list will at least give you a new option to consider; avoid the controversy and choose not to potty train.

Happy pooping!

Azra

***Disclaimer***Azra has been around children for centuries. While not having any of his own, part of being an exiled angel means blending in on earth. As he traveled the globe, he picked up on a lot of parenting practices across the globe. This blog is meant to share his parenting wisdom with a new generation. And to win a bet.

*Note: any advice given is meant to be satirical and not to be taken literally. Please do not exercise it upon any living being, child or otherwise.*